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 Apr 2014 Ivan Neese
jennifer
This feeling is quicksand
And I'm going under slow.
I try to fight it but I can't
Because it hurts to try and go
The more I struggle or resist
The more it hurts inside
And the more I try to leave it
The more I'm left behind.
My friends gave up trying to save me,
Now they watch me sink in pleasure
And I'm at the point where I don't care,
So I'll let my bones be dug up like lost treasure.
 Apr 2014 Ivan Neese
jennifer
Things that **** me
Only thrill me.
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust,
Drinking in the hopes that my bones
May begin to rust.
It may be a little crazy,
But I like to see the cuts.
Shoot me shoot me
For the ****,
I know its deadly
To take these pills.
Mirror mirror
Can't you see?
All I am
Is killing me
 Apr 2014 Ivan Neese
aphrodite
You never eat,
you barely sleep -
you've become immune to fresh air.
You never cry,
you're always high -
dull eyes occupied by vacant stares.
You hardly think,
but turn to drink
when it's time to make a choice.
You're the walking dead,
your words unsaid
will never have a voice.
**
 Apr 2014 Ivan Neese
jennifer
Its hard to be broken
In the way that I'm broken.
Nobdoy can see it
Or hear the words I've left unspoken.
If you look very closely
As I walk by you can see
Little pieces of myself falling off of me.
I used to pick them up,
Take them home and glue them
Then put them back on.
But lately I'm getting tired of fighting to be strong.
Now I look back
At the trail of shards I've left,
And smile sickly as people destroy them,
Walking on them step by step.
I guess I don't care enough
To scream for the sake of me
But then again, when I try to
No sound comes out of me.
I'm watching myself fall
Into a dark, cold endless pit
And I can't seem to do anything
But sit back and watch it win.
 Apr 2014 Ivan Neese
jennifer
Its always "are you okay?"
And my response it always "yes."

I'm ok.
I'm so okay that it's pouring from my tear ducts
I'm so okay that its dripping from my wrists
I'm so very okay
That it hurts sometimes.
Thats what this feeling is,
I'm not empty or sad,
I'm not too full or mad,
I'm just okay.
I'm so okay.
 Apr 2014 Ivan Neese
India
one, two, three
you stole the heart in me
four, five, six
you are such a *****
seven, eight, nine
i thought that you were mine
now, *ten

ten is where it ends.

—India Levee
**** you, john!
Her
The words danced in my head
The way she spoke
The way she wrote
The way she made me feel alive
I haven’t felt so alive in a while
Feeling the way I did when I looked at her took me back
Back to a much simpler time when I was happy
She made me happy gave me feelings I didn’t know what to do with
I dreamt of the way her lips would dance upon my skin in the pale light of the moon
But all in the same I didn’t know how to tell her
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