you know what i was thinking about last night?

i was thinking about heaven
whether it exists or not…

i think the reason
i want not to believe
is because I’m scared
so terribly frightened
by the thought of eternity.
how could i keep waking up
day
      after day
                     after day…
what could possibly make me keep going?

but then i think about you..

and i think about exploring this beautiful, wonderful world

and then i think
how long it would take
to see every
imaginable
beautiful
piece

you know…

i could have plenty of time for that.

and then i think about other things
like far distant worlds...
millions of planets
and billions of miles
and still all the time in the world


what if i had the time?...
and the millions of miles
to walk through the oceans
and swim through the land
and watch thousands of sunsets
endless in setting
and rising
and falling
again

and what if i had the endless ages
of stories on pages
or actors on stages
and just could sit by, eons on end
watching the riverbeds flow?

what if i had forever
and then ever and ever
and maybe i had it with you..

thats my only real heaven, and surely i'll go
i just hope that you'll come with me too

she looked at me and I could tell
it got harder for her to breathe thinking
about what she was about to say before
she just closed her eyes and took the deepest breath and said
please
if there's ever a thing that you do     that isn't about being on a whim
or getting your thoughts away from him
        then let it be that you are the you that you are in that second
for longer than a second

   she put her hand out and laid it on my cheek
she said please, i know you don't like this
        but just hold still
she said hold still
because there's holes in me that i've been absolutely dying to ask you to fill
          and it's not that you gave me nothing it's more that i've been
trying to paint a picture of you     but i can't
       even decide what you look like
      because light seems to fall on you differently every time

she said you're mad at me
     but i don't care
    i'm still trying to memorize the little things you've told me
still here holding pieces of you that you swore
         would be in my hands temporarily
you should know
i'm used to the weight now and
i don't want you to take them back
because i'm going to be so empty without them

and honestly
after the pieces
my hands got stronger
and i want to be this strong     forever.

please don't change me and
then leave.

His eyes are red
he should have said,
"Goodnight" an hour ago.
His hands ache
he's about to break,
from the sleep, he feels below.

He needs more time
to take what's mine,
and put it on a page.
His head falls
while the night calls,
and the room smells of sage.

It's 12:03am on a Tuesday morning
And all I can think about
Is what it would be like,
If I were Marilyn Monroe,
And you were JFK.
If we were closeted lovers,
Or one-time pleasure seekers.
If you were a *******;
If I were a *** symbol.
If we could be anything more than
Friends.
Acquaintances.
Strangers...
It's 12:07am and you're probably sleeping,
Arms wrapped around your Jackie O.
And I know I keep saying
I don't need you,
But this ceiling fan is ****** company,
And ****, do I want you.

You who are construed as a diabolical entity
You who haunts the evening sky
You who distorts reality
You who puts tears in mankind's eye

You who haunts while we sleep
You who watches while we walk
You who knows the demons we keep
You, a being that doesnt talk

You're nothing more but a friend
You're always by our side
You're not the ghost we used to know
When luminescence divide

Oh! Darkness why do you hide?
Behind the masquerade of our mind
You who appears when the light dies
You who is the most kind

I will always now delight
the sweetest night

I've read the old poets and they're boring.
I've read the modernists and there might be something to it.
I've read my contemporaries and they're strictly hit or miss,
but I don't read my own because I know it's all ****.

The smartest boy I know seems content to spend the rest of his life working a dead-end job at a pool store.

The most beautiful girl I've ever met feels compelled to hurt herself.

I scream into a pillow.
I scream out loud.

The brightest stars might never be seen,
because they're hidden by the clouds.

Float it down the river;
a bottle with a note
full of fragile words and folded without hope:

"To whom it may concern,
I've grown weary of the worries -
worn down by the constant sound of thoughts spilling out of my head -
burnt out on turning down every opportunity to be saved.
One day, I'll get away,
but I'm in no hurry.
By the time you read this, I may already be dead,
but I might not be."

Standing in the sand with toes dug in deep;
watching the sun gleam off a bottle as it shrinks into the distance.
Goodbye to all the worst parts of me.

Hello horizon.

End where we started then start over again.
****** through the same side we spilled out of.
A pair of rings for fools and friends;
Crazy straw love.

Tangled then thickened to one mass.
Stripped in stark relief.
Strengths and weaknesses in high contrast;
sifting through our ashes.

I equate us to a figure eight
lying on its side.
Split down the middle -
we're nothing.

Carve the curve that craves the end.
Sliding out then in again.
Spiral arms unwinding;
Spin us toward the center.