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there are times when
you are missing him so much
yet, he doesn't have any idea

but there will come a time when
he is already missing from your life
yet, you don't have any idea
people do move on, right?
January 9, 2017
After finding out a lot of things, I really do hope that this is going to be the last time that a girl like me will ever write something for and about a guy like you.

Perhaps it is best to just start with all the things that I am thankful for.

I am simply thankful that people like us met and somehow enjoyed each other's company. I am even happy that for a certain point in your life, I was there.

To that guy who has recently became the reason why I have been losing sleep, I guess this is not the last, but the first time that a girl like me will ever write something for and about a guy like you.
3 am thoughts
Past 8 PM, and I'm singing along to Justin Bieber's 'One Time'.
It's 2016, and I first heard that song last 2009.

Yes, you can be wrong to think that the first two lines are about me "fangirl-ing" on that guy and his songs.

Because what I simply want to imply is that: I long for the old days. I miss the days when I am much younger and naive than I am now. Back then,  I thought 1. not being able to play during afternoons with my friends is one hell of a nightmare 2. candies are the best thing ever 3. school would stay that easy forever 4. puppies live for a very long time because a lot of people love them — I thought wrong.

I feel like I pretty much miss a lot of things.
There she was.
Her parents found her lying on the floor,
not moving,
not breathing.
Her mother screams in terror,
But her father can't say a word.
Something catches his eye,
A note,
Lying on her bed.
He walks over,
Picks it up,
And begins to read.
It says,
"I apologize.
I love you both dearly,
But,
I could not stay.
I couldn't bear it any longer.
I was already gone,
Dead inside.
I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have to see me like this.
But,
Know one thing,
I'm happier now.
I'm in a better place,
I'm at peace.
Resting in peace.
Please don't cry,
Don't be sad.
I just went away,
Its not like I wont see you again.
I look forward to that day,
The day in which I see your smiling faces,
And you see mine.
I'll see you up in paradise.
I love you."
Her father fell,
On his knees,
His body filled with horror,
And shock.
He cried,
And cried,
And cried.
He wanted to know where...
Where he had went wrong.
And when...
When he had lost his little girl.
She was his world.
And now,
His world was gone.
It was physically there,
On the floor,
Pale,
Gray,
Marks all over its arms,
And legs.
But,
His world was gone.
It was destroyed,
Shattered into a million pieces.
He could never get her back,
And now,
There was nothing he could do.
He felt helpless.
He sat there with his wife,
And they both cried.
They cried a billion tears,
Tears that seemed to never stop.

Her little brother walked into the room,
And saw his sister laying there,
Motionless,
And dead.
That night was the night he first cut his wrists...
And then the cycle begins again.

Seven years ago,
To the day,
His sister took her own life.
Suicide.
He was only a boy,
11 years old.
He didn't understand.
He didn't know why,
Or how she did what she did,
Only that she was gone.
He looked up to her,
After all,
She was his older sister.
She was beautiful,
And strong,
But apparently not as strong as everyone thought.
One day,
He noticed something curious.
She had six tiny red marks on her arm.
The next day,
She had even more.
After that,
She always wore sleeves,
So he never saw her arms again.
He asked her what the marks were.
After a very long silence she responded with,
A simple sentence of,
"They are there to show that the pain can go away,
At least for a little while."
And then she walked away.
That sentence had always stuck with him.
The pain could go away.
He had never felt enough pain,
So much pain,
To turn to what she did,
Until that night.
The night he lost his sister.
That little boy,
Hes now a man.
Hes 18 years old,
And he hasn't went more than a week,
More than a week since that night,
Without cutting.
He goes to school,
And its hell.
He gets bashed for anything,
And everything.
They call him ***,
Emo,
Gay,
Loser,
Pathetic,
So many things...
He can ignore all those things,
But there's one thing he cant.
The one thing that hurt him the most is what some ******* had said.
"Why don't you go **** yourself?
Just like your sister.
Nobody would care."
He ran out of the school,
Crying.
He felt that everything,
Every single word they had said,'
That it was all true.
Nobody would care.
They wouldn't care if he was gone.
His mom,
She's now a drunk.
His dad,
He hasn't seen him in six years,
After his parents divorce.
His sister was gone,
And all his friends are too ****** to even remember him.
Nobody cares.
After he got home,
That same day,
He wrote a letter.
It wasn't addressed to anyone,
Just anyone who would listen.
He wrote as he cried.
When he was finished he slit his wrists,
For one last time.
He went to his closet,
And put on his Sunday best.
He climbed on a chair,
And slipped the rope around his neck,
And...
Stop.
Something caught his eye.
He saw a girl.
A girl of about 16,
Walk past his door,
And down the hall,
Towards his sisters old room.
He got down,
And he followed her.
She went through the door,
And into his sisters room.
He followed her.
When he walked in,
He was overcome by total shock.
He saw his sister,
Sitting there on the floor,
Where they had found her body.
She beckoned him over.
He sat down beside her,
And laid his head on her cool lap.
She talked,
And talked,
And talked.
She convinced him to hold out,
And stay strong.
She saved his life.
She was his guardian angel.
Everyone has a guardian angel.
Some are on Earth,
Others are in Heaven.
A guardian angel is someone who looks out for you,
And someone who cares about you,
And loves you.
In this case,
He was saved by his guardian angel,
His sister.
If you cant find yours,
Then you're not looking hard enough.
Be strong,
And carry on.
Life is worth living.
It may **** now,
But life wont give you more than you can handle.
It gets better.
Just have faith.
I apologize for it being so long. Just always remember to stay strong, and hold on.
I don't think I've actually written a poem
It's always felt as if I was rather discovering it as I went along
on night's ebony ocean
on night's ebony ocean
the ghost ship did sail  
the ghost ship did sail
night's ghost ship did sail
on the ebony ocean

twas an illusion of a boat
twas an illusion of a boat
floating across a darkened sky
floating across a darkened sky
an illusion of a boat
twas floating across a sky darkened

silvery light emanated from the vessel
silvery light emanated from the vessel
as it navigated those vast seas
as it navigated those vast seas
the silvery vessel navigated those seas
as from it vast light emanated

twas an illusion of a boat
silvery light emanated from the vessel
floating across a darkened sky
the ghost ship did sail
as it navigated those vast seas
on night's ebony ocean
Eyes have vision
Mind decisive
Words bear meaning
Actions hardly furtive

Body is hale
And legs could carry
Resolution never stronger
But heart remains a liability
.
The hardest of men bear the softest of hearts.
.
Her eyes are a metaphor,
   a conceit, fantasy

No shakespearean sonnet
   even a lyric, will suffice
   to describe the elegance she carries

Her smile, the greatest curve,
   all simile will be denied

Haikus and couplets
   even the long ones
   will not be enough

Her laughter is a song,
   a perfect harmony and melody

She is neither a hyperbole
   nor full of irony
   instead she is perfect rhyme

She is a walking poetry
   a personification of aesthetics

Almost an abstract
   unfathomable beauty
   out of the ordinary
So glad I'm able to write this one after a looonnngggg time.


***! ***! I can't believe this was selected as a Daily!!! I am beyond happy!! Never did I expect this to happen. Thank you everyone for taking time to read and appreciate this piece of mine ❤

Again, my overflowing gratitude to all of you

— The End —