i s a b e l l a

i s a b e l l a Jun 2019

stuck

Sometimes I wonder
If I’ll ever heal
Or if there will always be one
Tiny thing
That will send my heart pounding
And head ringing
And your apparition
Will appear before me

Sometimes I wonder
If I’ll always be stuck
With you

i s a b e l l a Dec 2018

am i really getting better?

how can i want to heal yet
keep hurting myself at the same time?
how can i find happiness
when the only thing
that makes me feel good is pain?

#self #harm

i s a b e l l a Nov 2018

you weren't who i thought you were

I lay in bed
And I think back
To when she was beside me
The girl I thought I was
Going to marry
And I laugh bitterly
Because the girl
I wanted to marry
Kissed someone else
And made me have anxiety attacks
She made me cry
And left me feeling worthless
And as I lay in bed
I miss her
But think to myself
That I never want to see her again

#heartbreak #abuse #emotional #love

i s a b e l l a Sep 2018

i miss you

three lonely words
bouncing in the walls
of my mind
back and forth
back and forth
i whisper them to myself
so much
i almost convince myself
you can hear them
but when i wake up
you're not in my bed
and there's no messages on my phone
so i continue with my day
my heart sinking lower and lower
and the three lonely words
turn into an echo

i told you i miss you and you have yet to respond

#love #heartbreak

i s a b e l l a Sep 2018

nothing is the same

We used to talk until the world went quiet
and the sun would about to wake
now it takes so much energy out of us
to ask how the other has been

We used to constantly say "I love you"
and now I say "I miss you"
and get nothing back in return

You always said that I deserve more
and maybe you were right
but that doesn't make me love you any less

It doesn't make this hurt any less

we're not the same

#heartbreak #love #hurt #sad

i s a b e l l a Sep 2018

Am I even on your mind?

Is it awful of me to wish
That you could feel one
Ounce of what I was feeling?
Maybe I just want to be missed
To be wanted
But you are so happy
And maybe I'm jealous of that

#love #heartbreak #depression #sad

i s a b e l l a Sep 2018

vs

I dig my nails into my skin
and sob at my red marked back
I spit out vile words at myself
and lay in bed all day

I caress your skin
trace circles on your bare back
I say nothing but sweet words to you
and hold you in my arms all day

Why don't I treat myself as nice as you do to me?
Why don't I treat myself as nice as I do to you?

#love #selfharm #depression #toxic