to you i must have been no one
probably because everyone wants to be
deep down popular
rejecting people's friendships and hearts
like you did me.

i understand
that i was just a tool
used to orchestrate a master plan.

and that deep down,
you just wanted to feel human too.

i can feel something
bursting through my veins
warning every
finger
and toe
and corner of my body
*that something beyond awaits

she knew she was different
her dreams could fly
while others
died.

it's the dark in the night that consumes you.

folded
carefully
as to preserve her inside.
constructed
rigidly
for she is flawless on the outside.
fake
she is perceived
for she doesn't know who she is.

as time goes by
i find myself
drifting closer to saying goodbye.

because i'm scared
to show you all that's inside
when all that's there are empty lies.

when will i be able to tell you this
i wonder?
perhaps never but remember me clear

i don't open up like a flower in the spring
perhaps you found me pretty as a bud.
but I will firmly stay shut
since i don't want the harsh wind to blow my petals away.

a passerby may find them pretty
but they are all my tears that they don't know.
so my dear,

closed as i may be
i only fear
that one day you may flee from me.

it is again time
to start anew
whether that means
strict journaling
or silly diets
it's new.

and the one thing i need to cleanse
is making my start
stained

memories of you
of him
of her
can i let them go yet?
maybe not
or else
it will have been as if nothing
ever happened.

as if what happened
wasn't significant
and trivial.

and so i clutch on
into the new year
in fear that my story has gone
unrecognized
and praying that my pain may be erased
but not yet.

or that someone else
will make my fists drop them
one
by
one.
and then maybe then
can i forget them all.

you think that
you do not matter but
you are my everything

and even if
the glass stars in your eyes die
and the flowers in your smile wilt
only i can replant them

so, my dear
these battles you fight inside
please let me
protect you

and i know that you don’t want
to let me in so easily
but i
and i alone
am willing to pick up the pieces of your heart
and sew the pieces
into something stronger

oh the wild
thrills of the highway
so sweet after bitter
heartbreak

as the lights go rushing by
one by one
i hope to forget
the battle scars marking my body

if i can be
her

but i can't i know my dear
because i have no space

in your heart.
but if i can be
someone else

i am here.
reliably.

they were a certain shade of closed off purple
with the warmest yellow in between
like something had reached in and painted them gold
but perhaps they did it themselves
to avoid thinking they were alone and unhappy in this world
swallowing gold to make them feel something they were not.