I often wish I could simultaneously be dead and immortal
death doesn't scare me, but to me, it can not be seen as a portal
still, her hesitance in visiting me strikes me as rude, why isn’t she here yet?
it's probably because to her zero may as well be ten, if not twenty, no sweat
all is relative, but isn’t relativity what the average person fears?
is it right? is it wrong? who knows. not me, I like not having answers: I happily drown in tears
for minutes, hours, days, months, years perhaps
I never stop, I always change, constantly run and rush just to collapse
my mind travels roads my body cannot afford
and I must admit, this is both my delight and my downfall

liquid dawn, headphones, cold, and restlessness
pills, tears, and helplessness
it’s at times like these that I feel like I’m falling behind, without facing
disquietude, medicine short of patience

I hid in the bathroom to spit out my disappointment towards me, always the abomination
because I just can't seem to do anything right, what a desecration
they knock on the door but I have no breath left to answer
could it be because of my pounding? I can't endure the slander

lips lie then pray for attention, for someone to cry for me
but that someone is not there, and it's so dark in here

crawling, scratching the asphalt
don’t know when to put an end to this, don’t count the tears and salt

violence helps sometimes, it relieves me of you
doesn't make me think about all the variables, how less of a person I am without you
how little you want me, the way you told me you're scared
terrified of holding me close and then losing me but you, my cure, are always there

you burn like fire, you shine like light
you hold me, poor in stardust, on tight
your melody elevates me, separates me from the clay
distinct from the dirt, for your love I pray

because I don’t want to be pushed away, just reverence in my veins
you are the remedy for all my troubles, a solution to my blue and grey

black of the night, tied so tight
think about it all the time, yeah right
yeah right, yeah right
this fullness livens and overflows me, I feel vacant sometimes
lacking color and substance, why must I be here at this precise time?

registering a perfume would end my hidden torment
my incessant pain, which smells like that costly autumn scent
feels like the one spring palace which was supposed to lead me away, be my resting place
like the one winter scarf that won't let me escape
the door closed in summer, where you still wait
and that old tape, too
which reminds me of everything I've seen, all the things I've been through

there's a ghost in my room, a chasm in my core
a hurricane inside me shakes, moves the floor
the nothingness surrounding me is heavy, I need mass
a hefty body to hold me down, to fix my mess

I long for a dream to fill my wandering soul
because my god doesn't comfort me anymore

shaking, trembling and quivering, your voice is my companion
convulsing through the night, your words my consolation
my friend, my love, every time I need you, you are here, always near

despite my shortcomings, craters, and ugly parts,
you take care of my heart

you love me, enfold me, you lull me to sleep
I keep still, I wait, I let your honey melt in me
I make it mine, I learn to love myself as you do
I put an end to the hate, I try to comfort myself as you would