I wish I could clap my hands and close my eyes and wake up seven again.
I want to change it all. I think seven the perfect age to start again. I would not be so shy and quite. I would have gone to the party's I was invited to and be young and make new friends. I wouldn't have been so scared of life. To live. I always thought to much and as a child I should of been carefree. Laughed and ran in the woods at camp with Sam just cause we could of. Worked harder for things and not just do it cause it was the easy way. Softball seasons started and I wanted to be on the team so bad but never tried out. Didn't ride on the Roller coaster with Marshall cause I was shy and scared of both him and the ride. Didn't go to my prom after his asked me and I ignored him every single time or the last dance. Never got high on the trail behide the mall after school. Never did anything to look back and say yes I had the time of my life when I was a child. I had openings and offers be never did. Never did anything. Anything to be proud of. I feel like I'm nothing and the 19 years have been **** and I don't like it. I don't like that I sit in my room as the world is out there and is moving. I don't like that I have no body in my life to call a friend. I don't like that I have done nothing with myself and I'm a waste of a human. I don't want to work for a body I've been dreaming of when I could of had it if I changed or did one little thing in the past. I don't like where I am or where I'm going so why keep on trying to be something when I'm going to be nothing?

I am tired.
Tired of the rules,
Tired of the demands,
Tired of the orders.

I am ready to leave this mess,
Leave it all behind me.
The stress and the fear,
The lust and the love.
I don't want it anymore.

I need to leave this place,
Go far away, anywhere but here,
Anyone but you.
Even home looks like a haven.

I want to drop everything.
I don't want to care about anything,
Grades, friends, parents, roommates,
And I don't want to care about you.

I want to forget the scent of your perfume,
The sound of your voice,
The touch of your skin against mine.

Worse than my newfound apathy for school,
Than my lack of interest in my friends,
Than the stress this school has given me,
Is my inability to move on without you.

I need to go home, to sleep.
To skateboard and play guitar,
To spend my mornings teaching
And my afternoons reading,
And most of all I need to
Be far, far away from you.

I need the way you tell me I'm pretty then proceed to kiss my neck
I want the way you say you love me and then laugh at the crazy notion
I crave the way you talk me through my lowest lows
I love the way you are
But I think you stopped loving me the second I confessed