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ilias Feb 2022
these lines will be filled with rage
with hatred against myself
against the disturbing thoughts and
the fragile bones of mine

i am made of shattered glass,
of mislead paths,
a bad child in a world
full of good people

my thoughts make me
a girl of hell
my actions a demon
possessing her beloved

my mother cries in agony
as her oldest
deprives herself of food and life
but deep inside she knows
this girl deserves it all
i do not belong.
i never have.
ilias Feb 2022
i am laying in my
cold white blankets
with my eyes open
   all I can see is grey
i smell nothing but rotten
thoughts and bones
  i‘m trapped inside this body
this room, this life, and
i feel so weak,
so worthless,
even breathing hurts
ilias Jan 2022
my hair sways in the wind
and I am free
upon the hills
under the greenest of trees
no blood in my veins
no skin on my bones
just the universe
inside of me
the last good day was two years ago.
  Jan 2022 ilias
lionness
wrists cry
hemaglobin tears
washed away by
shower steam
and daydream fears

your knife-wielding hands
clenched to the bone

my roar now dwindled
to a gentle hum

your selective deafness
my self-inflicted muteness
our perpetual daze

i wanted you to hear me so
i screamed my voice away
  Jan 2022 ilias
WB Raymond
Your hurt is chronic
So I'll take care of your scars
For eternity
For my love
ilias Jan 2022
it isn‘t until you tear up again
that you remember the nights
where you have slept
shattered on the cold wooden floor

these moments where you
have begged the moon for
forgiveness and sleep

desperately trying not to
fall through the roof of the
room under yours

you try shutting down but
the memories flush against you
knocking you down like a tsunami
and you know that you will
never, never feel whole again
ilias Jan 2022
And now I wander in the shadows of the sun
like a newborn I cry, searching for a sense of belonging
but the nights are what I fear the most
It‘s where the demons crawl under
The cold layers of my skin
soaking in of what is left of me
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