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i'm crying
you're laughing
i know i should be better

but no one
is helping me
put myself back together

calling out
reaching even
but to this pain i am tethered

can't leave
can't break away
we both know i'm not that clever

but maybe
i'm the one who
has figured it all out
much to your displeasure
sometimes the world
just seems so big
almost as if it could
smush me

one wrong move
and i bear the weight
stressors pulling
anxiety pushing

but i open my eyes
and adjust to the changes
viewing the world
as i should be

it's not that big
it's not that scary
there was love and acceptance
for me when i could see

that the pain
wasn't infinite
but couldn't be cured
by a couple of good deeds
broken up inside
wear and tear
falling into
disrepair

i'm walking
somewhere
destination
i-don't-care

if i'm going down
i'll do it with flair
why walk on water
if i can swim through the air

tired of being typical
speculated and compared
meet the new me
trailblazing extraordinaire
the walls are black
and floors are black
the paintings are black
it's all black
except for the ceiling
it's not there
but if you look up
the sky is black too
and if you travel to the end of the universe
you'll find that it's black there too
everywhere you turn
there is only
black
this is about how no matter how you try to feel better, everything just feels bad and so done
no concept of the future
live for the
here and now
imagine what could've been
but you can't change the past
so just let it out
same ****
different day
nothing changes
feeling gray
  Jan 2019 youcancallmesierra
Matthew
I know you've never seen me before,
but I've always been here.
Just invisible
Just a poem
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