Once upon a time I believed in a God that wanted nothing but the best for me

I believed in an extraterrestrial being that wanted to hold me up and say "I have a plan for you, sweet child."

But when I was 16 I almost killed myself by crashing into a tree because I felt so unworthy, so unloved that I couldn't possibly bare one more day

I was let down so many times, lied to infinitely, and finally after 7 months of prayer with no response I said '**** it' and let go of the imaginary man that was supposed to have my back

When you are on top
Don't forget to respect small things
Because they are the foundation of your success

i’ve run out of words to say,
you know,
i am wrung dry of poetry,
heart just a little too buried.
see, instead, everything is just

heavy, heavy, heavy.

all closed-up throat and dragging feet and burning eyes.
building under collapse,
empty tank of gas,
edges too rusted for use.

and still—
still. the heart shakes.
beats wildly.
(like hummingbird wings)
the eyes gone empty,
but stay open. awake.
(owls in the night)

look. await me.
i can stay alive for another morning.