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SHE Sep 2017
Being better doesn't mean you have to prove others you are,
Being better doesn't mean you have all the answers in the world; But better means you went through hell and got back from that horrid place,
Being better is how you want YOU to be.
Being better is being human
3am thoughts
SHE Oct 2017
It is as silent as night
It has no cue and it has no hue,

You have no clue of how to handle it;

It is not a choice, but it is the darkest part of emotions bottled up.

It comes as a wolf under sheep's wool, it comes at your brightest moments,

It comes undone and done at the same time that leaves you empty;

You are then left with darkness with no light, no hope and no end.
Lighter shades of my #depression
SHE Oct 2017
Scarier and scarier it gets
Heavier and heavier the feelings get
Harder and harder it gets to breathe,

Tighter and tighter the constriction gets
Louder and louder it speaks
Darker and darker the shades gets;

Consumed with so much
Like quicksand that sinks
You start fighting but keep sinking.

You scream, but can't be heard
You smile with your mask on
You stopped crying, but tears keep falling,

You stare blankly
You see nothing
Feel nothing;

Within that darkness
I see how horrifying, how destructive and how poisonious i can get.

I plead with myself to surpress it
To not let her out
To not bring her out,

For she will never be stable
She will never stop
She will destroy everything;

The demons she has are much worse
And everyday, she whispers
"I will come out."
Darker shades of #SHE
SHE Oct 2017
You knew how to distract me with your love,

The way, you showed me what it's like to be colorful;

To be out of the gray.

You gave me a reason to stop my hatred,

You gave me a moment where it seemed bright;

You burned out from too much distraction and left.

That gave me a hole in my heart and i am once again hateful.
SHE Nov 2017
Hard to get.
Minimalistic poetry
SHE Sep 2017
The feelings that i had for you were exquisite,
the feelings of being lost, found and overjoyed,
that made me want to go to the ends of the earth for you;
who made me feel this way?
it was you.
SHE Jul 2018
These are barriers she was familiar with
these fences were her place for security,
this is where she felt like home;
she never felt lonely within them.

She would walk around town with these fences
she wouldn't put them down not for a second
people see her with different faces,
different personalities, different shades.

She always had a routine
walking here, walking there,
aimlessly following that routine
never thought of being caught of guard.

She never knew that a stranger would have such impact on her
she never saw a person so persistent, so relentless,
so peculiar to the point it makes her wander;
if she really has seen everything.

She could not describe what she feels
but she knows it's a warm and familiar feeling,
though she can't help but doubt if it was too good to be true
if this stranger was something more to her than she thought it would be.

She continues to doubt if risking on putting those fences down
are worth her comfort and security,
She is caught on a tightrope
not knowing to continue to strengthen her fences or not.
SHE Nov 2017
You were my home not the home where i could live in,
but a home where i could feel shelter and love;

You were my home where i could be me and not care what i dressed or looked by others.

You were my home where i could show you both the worst and best parts of me as a human being,

You were my home to go to when i felt like the whole world was just belittling me and underestimating what i could do;

You were my home for a short while and wished that i could have done better to stay with you forever, but things got messy and you did not feel like the same home that i used to stay in.

You got torn down and the place where i called "Home" was no more, and now i start to wonder searching for something that is elusive to the naked eye of man, hoping maybe one day i can finally say, "I AM HOME."
#elusive #home
SHE Dec 2018
She felt hurt when he betrayed her

She couldn’t describe the pain she felt, the way it made her numb to the point she cuts herself to make her feel.

She asked him, “Why would you hurt me like that?”

He responded, “because you gave me that chance to hurt you.”

Tears fell from her eyes, she fell down to her kness covering her ears because she has heard enough.

The words he said kept on repeating in her head like a broken record that she wanted to just smash until stopped.

Her heart pounded so hard that it made her want to rip it off her chest.

The hurt she felt destroyed her and up until now, the hurt remained.
SHE Oct 2017
Love is a choice not just an emotion,

It is not just a feeling overnight;

It is as fast as the speed of light.

Love is chaotic that is true,

It feels like Heaven and hurts like Hell.
#love#choice
SHE Sep 2017
They say love is just as strong as hate,

and what they say is true.

It's like two sides of a coin

where, when you flip it;

you might be loving or hating the person.
SHE Dec 2018
Let’s be who we are and admire all the insecurities and flaws each one has, let’s allow the darkness to swallow us whole and later on shine

Everything we do matters, may it be in a form of just us or with other people, we hold each other’s hand in this elusive world where nothing makes sense

Just the both of us, entwined in each other’s arms not knowing how to untwine from them in the most secure and familar way we can

Having no idea what love can do, what love can make out of scrap, out of nothing but just pure emotions of two different people of two different worlds to learn how to love again

An unimagined love, an unexpected turn of events that made me learn how the world can be full of wonder for a wanderlust like me to want something so delicate, so risky and so real

Now, i have said my thoughts and may your response be something more than speechlessness for it makes me wonder if i am really someone for you to love and to care.
SHE Nov 2017
It was 8pm when the festival was done
We wrote our pseudonym on the side of the road
I felt like reliving the past,

Everything was simple back then
No conflict, no heartbreak just our love we had for each other;

The past will always be a good reminder
Sometimes a great place to walk on from time to time
But never a good place to stay.

My heart asks me,
"Why can't we stay the way we were?"
My mind simply replies,
"Because we grew up."
#love #past
SHE
SHE Nov 2017
SHE
"Loving me is a waste of time and money," she said , simply because love was not meant for her,

She is a storm that ravages on and on until you have nothing left on you;

She cannot compliment nor give you something that could benefit you and what you ask for.

She believes that true love is elusive and that it can never be elucidated by emotions nor actions alone,

She has consumed all of her love and forgiveness that left her in an abyss of nothing;

She has been filled and emptied time and time again, where she stopped being who she was in the first place.

She was like a rose that bloomed and withered in a short period of time, keeping her would just be a waste of time and effort,

She'll show off her beauty and worst traits, where she does not expect acceptance;

For, acceptance is something that is sincere and she knows that not everyone is sincere.

She gives chances to those who would want to ruin her, but she never curses nor loathes them,

She prays that she would stop wandering and start wondering with enthusiasm to have an adventure instead;

She will find contentment and liberation from the thoughts that clouds her sight, she will find peace at the dimmest place and she will strive to love again.
#note
SHE Apr 2018
I have no words to describe
A man like YOU,
You knew from right and wrong.

You knew my predicaments
but you used them against me,
You played with me like a toy.

You were persistent on being "friends"
but how could i been so blind to not see,
A sociopath like you.

I often wonder why I answered your message
Why i forgave you that November day,
but at long last, you showed me you never changed.

And I again am to blame
Out of my heart,
I lost decisiveness.

I lost my perspective
I lost my trust,
and I lost my security.

A sociopath like YOU would not know
the fear and anxiety you leave your victims,
the trust issues and pain.
Not everyone is willing to change
SHE Sep 2017
Three years ago, we became close,
with eyes closed we kissed each other with passion.

In those three years, we were confused of our feelings,
We went our separate ways after,
But in those three years I have loved you,

you were never aware of how much I've waited.
How much I wanted to say those words,
After three years I met you again
I finally was able to tell you,
but now I'm too late.
To the guy I loved, I wish nothing but the best.
SHE Jan 2019
To you, who's love is intoxicating
To you, who made me happy in a period of time

Because of you, you made me believe that there is hope
Because of you, little by little my doubt goes away

To you, who has given me a part of your world and making it my own
To you, who's craziness has not been seen by everyone but me

Because of you, the numbness starts to fade
Because of you, the light at the end of the tunnel shone

Who would have thought that because of you
The smile of my face became brighter

To you, who's love has come undone and done
To you, who's heart got torn apart

You deserve that kind of love that will make you feel whole again
I hope that I can make you feel that not just today but everyday

To you who i might have met since childhood
You gave me that feeling of wanting to be with someone forever

Not just that day, but also today
To you whom I love so dearly, Thank you.
SHE Sep 2018
You see this girl staring outside
the windows of DropOut in this city,
She curls a smile to all the people she sees
People would not really notice a wallflower like her;
Her existence was absolutely meaningless.

That’s what she loved about the place
no one would care if she felt happy, sad or lonely,
Or just all the emotions together
no one can see her fences around her;
No one could understand what’s going on.

And she loved it because she did not feel vulnerable and she was selfish that way,
She saw things the way she wanted
She loved and hated the things she wished;
She showed no sign of admiration or affinity to anything or anyone.

Although she let her guard up
she never expected on meeting new people,
It was so unexpected that it made her feel secure and safe to be who she is
she loved the thrill of being absolutely terrified;
Now she knows she has changed.
A poem for myself on my special day.
SHE Oct 2017
You are you
And nobody will ever be better than you,

You are unique
You are brave
And you are you no matter what they say;

You're still you with the choices you make
You are you even if you are flawed
And you are more than what you think.

You are not a book people read
You are not what people say
You are not imperfect,

You are not invalid
You are not abnormal
You are not stupid;

You are perfect in your own way
You are flawed but you come out victorious
You are you and take a step closer to being a better version of you.
To a friend who felt alienated

You are more than what you think.

— The End —