We can just have *** and then go our ways, he said,
Just satisfy our BODY'S hunger for touch and kisses

We can just have *** and part our looks, he said,
Then I felt and I waited for his goodbyes from my window

We can just have some casual affair, he explained,
Where no one bothers about the others presence and touch

We can just kiss or SMOOCH each others lips, he desired,
With that energy and that attraction I could not resist

We could call each other ONLY once a day, I inquired,
And he nooded his cold nod of dismay

Could you touch me even if we had no *** that day, I questioned,
He just stared at me amused at my words and shame

Could you love me if I was not part of your *** game, I conspired,
To know where this desire was going to drive us

Could someone ever look at me with kindness and love
Where all I ever think of being the SUITABLE girl

Could one ever stop pretending to be liked and to be perfect I wondered,
And never blame someone else for all the blame game?

I step out and take awareness as my long term friend
Where ***, DESIRES, and COZINESS is my words for me to surrender in to,
So I stand here again in front of me, tall and glad,
That I chose ME before anything that could make me LONG- TERM SAD!

She is a cigarette
She's a habit hard to break
though breaking it won't matter
because I can't stay away
She is a bad addiction
Relapse is my routine guest
Somehow I always succumb
I never get to rest
I lie at night, so anxious
That I'll see her again,
might lower my defenses
I'll ask to see her when
I'm ready and more stable
(like that was ever the problem)
I'll forget that she's my cancer
I'll Forget will be my anthem

I can tell you that I love her
But know, I'll be ashamed of it
She's that cigarette, half-lit
that you keep in your pocket
When your friends come along
and ask you how you're doing
You'll say you're fine
even though she's burning
through your pants and to your thighs!
But you'd choose burns over whatever
their worried mouths will say
It's all a blur, a cycle
Why does she have to stay?

Why does
she have to stay
if after a few puffs,
she'll only go away?

Shhhh
Can't you just listen
Please for once
I know God gave you ears
I know you can hear
but it is so much *more than that
Please just *listen
To the sound of my voice
Take in the words
that I am saying


No
Uh uhhh
Stop right there
Can't you see I am hurting
Do you not see the pain
You do not have to fix me
Sometimes you just cannot
Please just hold my hand
Hug me
*Hurt with me

You text me,
Wishing me happy birthday,
Asking me how I’ve been,
And all kinds of other cloying ****.
And when I see you,
You smile and talk sweetly,
Your words like saccharine,
Artificial and with a bitter aftertaste.
As if nothing ever happened,
Or as if you don’t remember.
I smile sweetly back,
A sugary glaze that I paint my lips with,
But I’m murdering you inside,
Your blood and tears like sticky candy canes,
Because honey, I remember
Everything.

Your love for me was unrequited.
Did it tear you to pieces?
How I shook you off
for another who didn't deserve me?

Funny how the human mind works.
Now I see what you mean.

My love for you is unrequited.
How it breaks me to pieces.
How I was so blind
to see that you are so perfect to me.

Funny how the human mind works.
Do you see what I mean?

being a conscious being
reality is a sort-of
onomonopea
of consciousness-
that is, dare i say
of God

This world is filled with to much pain
Like a vampire it just ***** and drains
It's hard to stand tall under all the strain
I find myself once more sinking below
Like hot molten tar, it won't let me go

Despair spreading faster than a cancer
For all my questions there is no answer
I really don't know what the **** to do
As my soul is ripped in two

My tears keep sliding the mask down my face
As misery and sorrow interlace
Everywhere I go I leave a river of anguish behind
As memories of my life, flood my mind

It'd leave you terrified if you could look and find
All the things that I do hide
Behind my fake facade
For I am much more than odd

For I am the definition of sorrow
Of all things hollow
Painted with the brush of dark mystery
I am the picture of misery
I'm the cautionary tale
The elders, use to exhale
I am the woeful song
That in this world doesn't belong

Down into the belly of the earth
Burned to the core to prove my worth
Cleansed or consumed,  we'll soon know the end to my story
Whatever the outcome, there will be no glory
This universe is in full ******* control
Watch as it pushes me deeper down below

A thief can never become an usher
Or a doorman