sometimes
it doesn’t matter enough
sometimes
it matters but not enough to change it
sometimes
it matters but not enough to admit it
sometimes
it matters but it’s too difficult to change it
sometimes
pride and shame stand in the way
sometimes
fear stops change
sometimes
nothing is done and the paralysis of denial takes over
sometimes
the people you hurt forgive you and move on
sometimes
they want you to do the same

and so the wind blew dust at my way
I put my hands out to cover my face
Then I realized that... when life throws things at you that you don't even want or expect
You have to let them hit you even if it hurts
Because the lessons will be learned and you will survive anything that comes your way
The first punch is always the hardest
You will live

it's nice to know that you think of me sometimes.
that my name forms on the tip of your tongue.
that i cross your mind.

it's nice to know that sometimes you might see something that reminds you of me.
it's nice to know that i'm still there,
that i haven't disappeared or gone silent in your head.

it's nice to know that i still matter,
even if it's only in the slightest bit.

after all, that's all i ever wanted.

(a.m.)

I roamed and lived on with hope that I would be saved
Then pitch black ink stained my heart
And the light that kept me smiling was lost for good

I grew faster than my body
My soul has wrinkles and chains that tie it down
I escaped one prison just to be incarcerated in another
My dim dull eyes became darker

I used to cry myself to sleep once I could no longer smile
And drowned in my own blood just so that I could sleep without pain
Time passed and the oceans all dried
With sliver mistakes staining my body
I continue on this journey

My demons ruled my life
Fear was a constant treat
With a bruised and ****** cry I'd burned in the rage that soon followed
I crumbled into ashes of grief
From the ashes I was resurrected with a second chance at life

I was weak, I was glass
I could take a few hard hits before I cracked and shattered into insignificant shards
With my second life though, I was reborn with a body of ice
I became cold and strong
With this strength I conquered my demons and paved a new road

I was scared and broken, small and fragile
Now I'm dark and powerful
With a soul that's lived a thousand years
I marched prepared for battle

I used to dream of my savior
My knight that would save me from the dark
The one who would end all the hurt
But I had no savior, no one came
I became my own salvation
I'm all that I have, all that I can trust

Once, I had a heart
But then my mind was opened and my heart broken
The angelic boy of the past is now the warrior of today

I used to be weak and trust in my non-existing savior
Now I'm strong and a lone warrior
I once loved and hoped
Now I'm dead inside and my only salivation

Everyone says it but do they really?
The only Dream I have is of you,
I only wish my dream would come true
And you will tell me you want my heart too.

I see how you are with me so I'm hoping
That maybe, just maybe Dreams do come true.