I read somewhere the other day that small talk keeps the brain sharp,
So that's probably why I'm stupid  
But I don't understand the fascination in needing a vacation and the weather, or where you bought your brand new ******* sweater.
I'm sorry I can't participate in your name brand conversation, but talking about your Michael khors watch just seems like such a bore.

What I really want to ask you is:
Have you ever screamed your lungs out on the top of a mountain?
Or have you ever tried to drown yourself in the shallow waters of a fountain,
Have you ever watched the sun spit out pieces of gold on a quiet little creek?
Tell me all the things that used to make you feel unique.
When was the last time you felt whole inside?
When was the last time you blatantly lied?
Who do you want to fall asleep next to every night?
Tell me what you think about our nation's lack of human rights.
How many weekends can you go not being sober?
Tell me what you really think about the boy who ******* you over.
Why are you so afraid?
Do you fear you'll explode like a grenade?
I feel like that sometimes.
But I know I'll never get anywhere if I hold it all inside

But your mother told you always be polite,
And never bother anyone with their personal insight
Religion, and politics, don't ask too much
For everyone may get into a fuss
So everyone walks around talking about things that don't matter,
With worlds as shattered as a broken wedding platter
Everyone wants to talk about what's on the outside, but some fear holds back the depths of our soul.
And finally when you're six feet under, you'll realize you've just been digging your own hole

1)
i finally read that book you recommended. i heard your voice in every line
2)
i left the fossett running last night to cut the silence
3)
i still smell your shampoo on my pillow cases
4)
what's the name of that song we discovered on the radio two nights before you left? i need it right now
5)
acceptance is the act of investing in a space heater to keep me warm at night, when i know your legs could do the trick for free
6)
i saw your little cousin in target last week. i never realized how precisely your smiles match
7)
i left the cd you made me, in its case on the floor of my backseat. nick stepped on it and i felt an earth shattering emptiness, like someone died before i had the chance to say goodbye
8)
actually this all kind of feels like someone died before i had the chance to say goodbye
9)
tonight i caught up with some of your friends at starbucks & only thought of you once. does that mean i'm getting better?
10)
missing you occupies so much of my mind that i forget how to sleep most nights

Loving you is like trying to explain
dark burgundy of the wine you drink
to the blind.

Letting go of you was just as
easy as realizing my life
was ending from my own self termination.

I dreamt of all the friends I've been missing
The ones I couldn't stop
from getting swallowed
by the sand
from the hour glass
sitting at the edge of
my dresser
The ones that became
victims of my endless hours
of essays and double shifts
The ones who sent text messages
that got swept beneath emails
from professors and managers
The ones who dialed my number
while I was in the shower
too many times in a row
and gave up
before I could answer
The ones who knocked
on my door while I
was away

The ones who will always
smell like summer
when I think of them
And the ones who will
always have a locker combination
in my memory

I dreamt of their hands
on my shoulders
and their laughter
warming the cool air
around me

But I woke up

in my bed

All alone

in my own home

Feeling terribly

**Homesick

sunken eyes and an untame mind.
eyes grow pale with the sun,
the universe turns black all at once.
free fall into oblivion, lick the edge
and feel the pain. i can't stop the rain from
sinking down my face. this love is all
i had, now i just spin around in place,
wishing to be alone. it's just a phase, so
i say, but everything is dull. the wind
pulls through my throat speaking
words i've never known. my eyes won't
close, the brain says no. can't stop thinking.
the sun is devouring my irises, blinded
by the deafening silences. what's happening?
where's my mind? i can't keep passing by
with i'm fine.

When we were born, we were asleep.
We may have been ******, and wet, and afraid, but we were asleep.
So we were miracles.
We walked without sight and we learned how to touch each other.
Slowly, like olive oil pouring from an open wound.

And we opened our eyes.
We looked for something to pray to, we looked for something to turn carpetburn and ****** knees into
blessings, unaware that heaven is not so quick,
and demons are not so hesitant.
We built Summer with a love that could not last.
We grew shade, not emerging from us,
but shade from glass and brick and
the shade that was beside us did not seem so great.
And we gave names to bark, and water, and gravel, and seed, and grass, and it was good.
And a few years later we held out our hand and we touched flame, and we touched mineral, and we touched machine, and bullets, and even stars, until we became everything that we only knew from our skin and our vision and we became less than what we were supposed to be.
We rode the sun to our palaces.
We loved everything as if it was dark,
We loved everything the way you would love something that didn't want a reminder.
And we saw this as good.
And we wept for the things that are simple.
And we wept for the things that were not so simple until
our eyes became coasts and we did not stop weeping.
And then we learned to jump.

Today would've been one year.

I put on my darkest lipstick,
and my black stockings,
and went to that pretentious
coffee shop in the next town over.

I told that curious man,
that my name was Jane,
and I was fresh out of college,
looking for life.

My smoothie tasted like pennies,
but cost me five dollars,
and it reminded me of you,
because you were ****** too.

I told myself I would be adventurous,
and started to drive to a beach,
even though it's January,
and I hate the water.

I yearn to find life,
but I guess I only check the places,
where I've already been,
and find disappointment instead.