I only wanted to feel the heat of the lighter against my lips before I blew it out

I'm between two minds
Two synapses
The cracks in the freeway
Take me to the stargazing spot
Tripping
The stars will drop from the sky
To your eyes
And I'm falling in love
Slow love
The way I told you to love me
But I think your hands knew to fancy me before your mind did
Tripping
We kissed
For hours
On the hood of your car
And the world was melting away
But it really was
Melting away
Tripping
And it didn't take too much
To fall
For you

You are not sinking
You are naturally buoyant
If you only breathe deeply

Nature boy,
Dont write to me when the grounds you tend wont be fertilized by lies, like vines weaving their way, crawling whispers to crack your hard head cemented soul (hardly even believe your own *******, why would I?) Dont write to me when you wish your life flourished full as mine, rays of being youll never see someone near as divine. You tried to catch me in the wake of a watered down climate.. guess ya cant count your corporate chicks before they hatch, huh? Don't write to tell me a sorry hunter story. You've shot down too many birds to tell me you wish I would've flown. Bird call claim to live a life without wondering what life is worth.. well, i can tell you its more than paycheck work, more than parents approval, more that shiny things to shield eyes from your lack of self work. I think if youd had it all together you wouldn't have pulled me into the dirt but it seems you stirred the soot between my toes. I'm taking root, cracking ground bound in renewed resilience. Oh, and nature boy? Just know, it feels so good to grow out of you.

Play scrabble with our whispered words
Cards, you are my king
Play hide and seek
I hope you hide so well
I can find you only
In the folds of our sheets
Twister
With the tangible tangle of our lives
Intertwined
Monopoly, monopolize
Each curl of your lip
Is mine
Each muffled cry
Of love
Of pain
Of emotion
And I'm still learning to feel
The ins and outs of your games
To entertain you
In any
(Every)
Way I can

My mother once told me
"How will you know you won't like it if you don't try it?"
And though I didn't like the green beans
I decided to try her on
It began with sidelong smiles
A hug held long
Then a kiss sprouting
From her rosebud lips
Burning against mine
Funny how
She didn't kiss me like a man
Where I knew brittle
She showed me tender
Where I knew vigor
She showed me patience
I fell in love with a woman
So quick and so surreal
And though it's what no mother hopes for
I know now not to discriminate by a gender

I never saw you when you were alive
Not really alive anyways
With flushed cheeks and smiling eyes
But I think how you must've done well
As I watch your daughter stroke your hair
Like its the finest silk she'll ever know..
It seems I never got to hear your voice
Not your real voice anyways
I spoke to you like thunder
Hovered over the hospital bed
And you pattered back like an on and off rain
Uncertain of where it might land
Libby,
That's what everyone calls you
Well Libby,
I so wish we could've met under different conditions
I imagine you're wishing for much more
But this is it
Here you are
Sitting at the stoplight
And green isn't coming
I never did see fear in your eyes
But it could've been buried
As you looked to your family
And saw how fear had furrowed into them
Like watching your parents walk away
On the first pre-school drop off
(We all wanted to cling)
But it's your turn to be dropped off now
And the territory is unfamiliar
Once, you bathed and diapered children
Who now do the same for you
Just know, Libby, you are still dignified
And though we don't think this future will come until it's breathing down our neck
We wouldn't talk about this future without sarcasm
It is a future a majority of us will endure
It's funny how
We tread lightly on the word death as though it is hot coals beneath our feet
As though death could be separate from life
Or you and I could escape it
Libby, I'm sorry to tell you
There is no yin without the yang
The tables don't stop turning
Till the world does
But you live on
In the ritual pre-schooler drop off's
Of the generations you created
And even the ones who never got to see you alive
Will carry a part of your heart inside

She said get off your ******* knee
If you're looking for my guarantee
A certificate won't help you, see;

The last thing I'll be is claimed
Cause too many times I've been maimed
By wild promises that couldn't be
Tamed

Cause she don't want to be a statistic
And loving shouldn't need contracts or logistics
Its melted into us
Read the cryptics

She said the only rings I want to see
Are the ones around your eyes when you're 83
And you've still got that gleam when you're look at me

Firsts of the night:
Handcuffs
Backsass scruff
Back of a paddywagon
Band of boys
But before
All this
4 outfit tries
Opinions of three
Butterfly pre potion
Then
Long hair and ripped jeans
House party
Warm smiles with new faces
Tittering across a stage
Teasing a held gaze
Before
Judgement in blue
Drunk remembrance
A Mugshot sentence
Social network presence
New name infamy
Self loathing
Backtrack scruff
Pins and needles
Sleeping pill sequel
Leads up
To a new year repeal
At the altar I kneel
For a self forgiven
A better year to live in

Be a soldier
**** men
Be a hero
Be a civilian
**** men
Be sentenced to death by THE man
No no
Let me clarify
It's okay
When the man kills the man who kills the other man
Because we can't **** the men in OUR great country
Treason
Just the men of OTHERS
Loyalty
And I think of it like sibling rivalries
Ganging up on one another
Under the same roof
Now
Let me tell you of the greatest country in the world
Settlers
Brave souls who had to evict the native Americans
Because only savages don't have guns
And resistors did die
But we won our land
(Christened in their blood)
Grabbing at it like pocketed gas station goodies
And it was easy enough
To suspend your conscience for long enough
We learned
So last week I decided to walk into the nicest house I could find and claim it mine
It didn't work
Maybe next time I'll bring my guns
And as their fear becomes my power
I don't know what I'll become
But I think Niccolo put it best
Better being feared than loved
So we point our nukes at the bad men
The ones that live in the less civilized  (less american) parts
Because violence is NOT the answer, kids, but war is
Civilian
If you wish to ****
Go buy a gun
And **** yourself

5am skies
Paint a periwinkle view
A slick step underlies
This cold morning dew

It should come as no surprise
The birds echoing coo
And I can only surmise
That springs fighting through

But the forecast lies
And warm glimpses are few
As winter bored eyes
Beg the sun to come to

This town softly sighs
Reluctant flowers grew
And sunlight it pries
At the clouds we so rue

Yearn for giving up ties
To bundling till we brew
Instead saying our hi's
To the shorts we outgrew

Then we'll hear children's cries
As the school year is through
How summer yearly buys
Precious freedom to renew

As a sunbather fries
To reach a darker hue
And teenage boys rise
Forget shirts when they do

When the cold rain dries
Although not quite on cue
This change is a prize
You could take part, too

At the night's close
The winds whisper their way through tree tops
To tell of their travels
And looking upon them
We are rustled just the same
All hands at rest
While mine are restless
Shaking for a page to pen
In the solace of the the dark
Where you'll find me
Uncovering words in constellations
To scrawl on floorboards
In hopes that some day these words may carry me
And I may write
Words that echo
In minds not mine

Use this to better yourself. Try as ******* yourself as you did on the relationship. You are the most important person. You are capable of everything you want to do. Don't give up on yourself too. I love you. I love you. I will learn to love you. There is time for sadness. That is okay. Turn it into creation. You won't always be happy but you will always be okay. Fill the holes in your heart from loving him with new reasons to love yourself. Go hiking alone. Climb a tree and read a book. Write more. ******* it, don't waste that talent. Practice gratitude. Practice mindfulness. Believe. In the future. In the power of your mind. In your ability to overcome. You will be reborn in strength.

Love,
Your forever companion

If I collected our memories and put them in a jar
There'd be withered petals
And prestine fake flowers
There'd be im sorry notes
And I love yous
There'd be a finnickey watch
And sandy bottle caps
I'd see crumpled concert tickets
And chipped nail polish
There'd be flamin hot peanuts
And pictures slightly burned round the edges
There'd be tears
And ***
And magic mushrooms
There'd be dirt
And eye crust
And sandman dream dust
There'd be eyebrow hairs
And recipes for laughter
There'd be more than I can see
Then much more beneath
And if I close this lid
I wont know what comes after

"Good night"
Teasing words
You know,
the night is no longer good to me
And I am no longer good to me
When the sun retires early
I follow
These days
Sparkles of frost step in for dew
Sharper
Reaching for the edge of my fingers
My toes
My thoughts
Become one in degrees
With the dark
The cold
Takes siege
And my metals
Are more brittle
Condensed
Prone to a snap
Awaiting
A warmer expansion

I'm a little sleep deprived, a little too high, (a little too low) a lot hungry, a little overstressed, a little unfocused, (unconscious?) waiting, a little sick from-a little more caffeine please my cigarette buzz is going,
a little sore from running away, a little sore from being alone

Skimming the surface of your sweetness
Creamy rich creme brulee
with a je ne said quois kick
Skin of sprinkled seasonings
Looks like art
In all sensory scintillation
Delicate dashes
Deliberate divinity finds
A splash of savior savory
Boil up smiles
Bubble over in rounds
Popping sizzle
Of a new recipe spark
Invite chance to the table
And me without manners
Fumbled elbows atop a table
Unrefined as an innocent palette
Fear finds fruitful fools as I
Always want another taste
Insatiable sensations
Shake me
Never the same
A want to swish you in my mouth
So you know my words stir smoother sound space
Than my mind lets on
Imagine a ticking timer
For me or you
Cant just swelter in the smell
Saliva sweat on hot stovetop
Tease your texture between teeth
I find gritted in a past
Of al dente pasta
Not quite my liking
But always filling
How hard to be full
Of a hearth of health
When i've been so long
Waited on by baited service
Couldn't help but take a bite
I got hooked
Reeled in line to choke on breathing
Luck lifeline
To see release
Catch a nibble
Insist I taste
Your full flavor
Ever evolving buds
Dissolve new resolve
From tongue
Of trepidation
Swirled in soufflee one day
Tiramisu on through
To courses I never knew
In glistening garnishes
Playful plating
Dining halls of hope
Glazed eyes
Fancy this feast
Mixed anew
Set you a place
Its fit for two

The book
That sat on your nightstand for months.
With a chapter to go,
Past due
Is the means to an end
You chose
The sentence that trailed off
Into an all but empty stare
(Wait, I was listening)

I am 19
With ducks
That form more of a mob
Than a row
Far easier to blame the tide
Than the self

Adulthood is the branch that taps on my window
On a windy night
Shivers me awake..
I hear you two have tea
In tangled talks of a future
No longer including me

I get goodbye glimpses
When your voice is like an exhausted father
And mine, relentlessly stumbling over apologies
Premonitions
Of a cold current
I'm paddling behind
Can't keep up
I'm sputtering,
Choking,
Watching you wade away
Without worry
You're only 21
How don't you worry?
I am 19
With ducks
That form more of a m o b
Than a row
I know
It's far easier to blame the tide
Than the self
******* it
I'm trying
Shawn, I promise
I'm trying
But, you see
Adulthood is the branch that taps on my window
With the storm
To shiver me awake..
I hear you two have tea
In tangled talks of a future
That doesn't include me
Well
If it's so
I need the definite
The finalizing punctuation
It's like the cigarette you toss aside
Unfinished
I get it
You don't like endings
And
I smoke mine to the filter
It's like the book
That sat on your nightstand for months.
With a chapter to go,
Past due
Is the means to an end
You chose
The sentence that trailed off
Into an all but empty stare
(Wait, I was listening)

Paved thoughts
They lay
In naivity
Youth
Born into homogeny
Told
"Different is beautiful"
But taught
To fall in line
With the swaying ways
Society's norms form
Pin-up billboard smiles
Flash magazine swagger
On surgeon made bodies
Guide retinas of wide eyed
Youth
To mirrors
With disgust
"Different is beautiful"
We'll say
Yielding our whitened smiles
"Different is beautiful"

Solitary confinement
Hard to find a need
In ease of social security
Though funds run out
Seldom sought future of own
Unknown
Selfish disclosure
Going without
Relished reality me
Found distractions in each we
Covergirl coverup
For a face hardest to face

Flooded seed and an itchy tongue. Daddy told me motionless creatures in the road were only listening for earthquakes, now see a disaster less natural. Lightless life ***** food from a **** stained trough. The homeless man eats McDonald's in a community garden, we vacation in resort report portions of third world countries. Dont wanna see, eat tv screens when our popcorn runs out, bury our waste beneath the ground confound endangering species: we, dont appreciate nature unless we're festival campground packing wrapping drugs in the litter of something like liveliness post pictures with plants we plucked from a place think land is ours if we occupy the space but this isnt like we're used to cant just hit erase and if we're a part of this future why cant we look it in the face

This house shakes beneath your weight
And I was never very good at steadying things
Maybe I'll just set it to flames
With lipstick stained cigarette butts
Instead

Is it selfish of me to mourn my skin? Having seen the patients around me with no surface left to theirs, how can I still mourn a flesh Ive always taken for granted? Now I kiss the places the fire kissed me in hopes of aiding in the healing. But how hard the healing has been. Those first three hours in the emergency room when I swore that I could still feel the fire, as white coat blurs of faces peeled my layers. I cried out for each screaming cell. My eyes swelled shut to spare my weak mind. Skin, I would no longer want to look at. Skin, I spent hours tanning and pampering. Skin, I planned on wearing with confidence. Shorts and swimsuits, summertime smiles. I wouldn't know for some time what I lost when I was burned. I'm still learning to love what I have gained. Strength, slowly strung itself about me, day by day I dreaded the coming day less and less. I managed as we all do. I managed to scrub my own skin raw just like the doctors. I managed half smiles and choked laughter. I managed positive thoughts and dreams of recovery on the horizon. It looked so far yet so beautiful, so enticing. It is nearer now, close enough to feel the glow. Yet, it comes not without struggles of its own. See, I must remember to love myself. When the last of my strength seeps out with my tears. I must remember to be grateful. For my body's determination to heal has only sprouted from the days warped with dread and pain, I have grown. I may not like what I see but I needed to love my insides more anyways. This charred skin is a lesson I should wear without shame. It is only a tribute to my strength. It is only a picture of my resilience.

When the layers peel off,
I hope you don't love yourself for the reasons they love you
When the dollars flutter and the spotlight blinds
I hope you know your worth is not physical
Even when the money is
This isn't the fulfillment you need
When you don't rest easy at night
I hope you remember you should be loved for more
You are loved for more
Your mother..
Please,
I hope you tell your mother you love her
I hope you tell her she's done nothing wrong
She's hurt
And maybe we all feel that
Because this world holds more for you
I hope you know opportunity isn't hiding from you
I hope you seek it out
I hope you remember that easy way is not always the best way
The things we are capable of failing at
Reap the most self esteem when we succeed
I hope you find what makes you happy
What makes you full
And I hope you never look back

I never wanted to be your chore
The tedious task on a to-do list
Like dusty spaces we chose to ignore
Used up rain checks, couldn't resist

We once sang dishes from the sink
With a little *** pinch as I raise a glass to its place
I wear my fake glare, you whip out a wink
These parts we played with easier grace

But my clutter couldn't keep concealed
Clung to claustrophobic floors
And it seems your strip search revealed
My messy makeup shoved in drawers

And yes I still forget to shake the handle of the Lou
Ice dripped voice when you hear the water run
I scamper to get it, tail tucked out of view
Creep back up to your subtle shun

If I scrubbed beneath your stride
On hands and knees, you'd still loom above me
Gaze down at my slippery pride
Say "missed a spot I see"

Sometimes I break a branch or even sprout too few
But don't cut me down to size
Look what a year of tending can do
Grab a watering can together we'll rise

I can't be your first love
The one who's name waits on your tongue
To lash out and remind me
I am small within her shadow

I can't be your first love
With mocha skin
Red wine dripped lips
And the touch that may still creep into your dreams

I can't be the first love
You waited months to kiss
In a firework glow
(I wanted you more, God only knows)

I can't be the first love
Who captured you
With artemis' grace
And her goddess confidence
(Rather, I'm the stumbling deer in your headlights)

I can't be the one
Who coiled around you
Demanded princess treatments
No, I never fit right on a pedestal

I can't be her
Though I've wished I could
When the way you say her name
Holds more than just nostalgia

Now I know she's got the front row seats
Serial effect on her side
But don't put me in the nosebleeds
Cause the previews always come
Before the main event
Yes, I can't be your first love
But I'd love to be second

If my words could bring you back
I'd tell the mirror that you've gone away to battle
My noble prince will return
(Though your best weapons were always cold words and cold shoulders)

I'd inscribe my name into the bindings of all your favorite books
As though some part me could find some part of you in them

I'd yell at every pillow
That couldn't manage to muffle my cries

Every song that sounded just too much like us

Every fairy tale that seemed mocked us in it's polarity
(Dear, I wish I could've spun us in gold)

Every picture we took
That now look too much like broken promises

I'd sweet talk the fridge
Into making me feel worthy of more comfort food
I guess
you always said you like them "thick"
After you told me I'd gotten rounder

I'd scribble ***** sick sorrys into the floorboards
Serenading the floors you walked
(I think they turned to water on your final gracing of them
Because now I'm falling through)

I'd tell the fractures in these walls that you were the best filler
The fractures in my chest the same

I'd speak of you in the highest regard
My bourgeoisie balance act
Always calling for a coup d'état

And maybe that's why when I see you
I'm so choked up
I gargle these words in my mouth
But they fall into a silent drone
And If my words could bring you back
I still don't know that I could say a thing

She empties bottles
Like she empties men
With a mouth that reeks of lipstick lacquered lies
She plays pretend on a siren song
Strumming his ribcage
For a tune that will stick in her head
Long enough
For blurry eyes to make a muse
Of amusement

I think
On an atomic level
We complement one another
Your name scribbled in my genes
(My jeans)
Must explain
This magnetic pull to you
Gravitating
We eclipsed
I was soul searching when I found you
(An object in motion tends to stay in motion)
Looking for my life's map in the stars
But no longer did I need look
I found me in you
(Metaphorically speaking)
You in me
(Literal now)
But it didn't really matter
That our bodies sang in tune
Harmonious
Or our minds rooted into one another
Because no science could really explain
How we met in a moment
Fell in love in eternity
No, no science can explain it
Nor does it need to

I want to hate you
In your rightness
And wrongdoings
In your cold shoulder
And your warm embrace
I want to hate you
When the plans fall through
And when theyre more perfect than lottery winning dreams
I want to hate you
When i cant feel like enough
And when you arent there to see me thrive
I want to hate you when the nights are lonely
Or when listless lovers wont fill me up
I want to hate you
On cloudy days
And cloudless
On depression days
And joyous
I want to hate you
When friends ask how i am
Cause im so wrapped up in trying to hate you
I forgot how to love myself
So ready to blame you
Yet so scared to repair myself
I am so lost without you
That i just might find myself

So visual
Men
We sit them in front of TVs
Where barbie doll lookalikes
Singsong stereotypes
In search of the perfect man and family to cater to
The little girls watching think this to be fulfillment

I change to the news
And fake **** read the newest disaster
With a splash of celeb gossip after
Girls look to mirrors with shame
And I pray to love a blind man

Turn to politics
Where we find women
Like four leaf clovers
To pick out and scrutinize
Dehumanize
Objectify
She must've shown too much leg again
Because there's nothing of her words on the tabloids
Now young girls will only know power in their bodies
Wearing stolen ******* and a stolen smile
Stripping off her self respect with her dress

I live in a patriarchal society
That plays down feminism like a government scandal
I am oppressed
I am repressed
But this is not a woman problem
This is not a feminist problem
This is a societal problem

Let me sleep in the crook of your mind
Controlling your every dream
So I may occupy yours
As you occupy mine

Funny how
I write poems on my phone in class
Inconspicuous enough
Ignored enough
To be passed off as texting
Camouflage
Blend into the line where cool meets socially acceptable
Cowardly fingers pause in thought
What metapho-
Er
Reply
To type out
He notices
Smiles
I am ashamed
Of either my actions
Or my cowardice
And I'm not sure which
And I'm not sure why

Part 1

We count our wishes like lottery tickets
And though we  may never quite get the odds right
The fantasies keep us coming back...
Like hummingbird retreats
We know the way

The way
Impulsive can meet rational
Then flip you back to naive
The way growing up can feel like
A subtitled movie
Where the words switch
Before you manage to finish rea...

Or how hope will keep you begging
Like the starving stray dogs
Who strut like lions
Yet love like lambs

Now we're pleading with the hourglass
Like kids convincing Santa we're worthy
I can't promise I am

Part 2

But I have this wish
(Just call me crazy)
That this love could look something less like maybe
And In this wish
You'd teach me to harvest
A green thumb rooted in something more honest

We'd live off the land
Grow something withstanding
The type of living
Earths future will be demanding

We'd pick our food day by day
Eat like gods
And treat each other just that way

I see coffee soaked mornings
And breakfast outside
With that smirk on your face
And a blush I can't hide

Part 3

So there it is
Plain and true
(and maybe I've got a ***** loose, or two)
But this lottery ticket wish
Has my sights narrowed thinner
And I've got to believe that it's a winner

He tells me he wants to make love to me
He tells me he wants to love each part of me separately and in my entirety
Love the dips above my hips
Where his hands can hold me together
Love the forest of my legs
Where my up and coming feminist refuses to shave
Lose himself between my right thigh and my left
In love.
Aww.
In ***?
But I want him to love the links of my words to my lips
And their ties to my thoughts
And feelings
So much more than my body
I want him to love
The fear in my voice when I say I'm sorry and I need you slips out too
I tell him I already love him so
That the love we've made without the act itself is too great
To taint too soon with lust
Dear,
I say
Must making love to you require my body?
Can I not love you being lost in the web of words you weave in my head with a smile?
Can I not love you serenading you with a drunk midnight poem
(Sounding more like slurred I love you's by each bottle bottom)
Can I not love you staining your name on each page of my journal?
Tattooing it on the forefront of my mind
Can I not love you being cocooned in the depths of your soul
Spilling over into mine
As you fill me with a content
I never knew I could deserve
Before your fingers can even grace my bare skin
Under cover of sheets
I do love you my dear yet without making love to you
And I do want to kiss you
And I do want to make love to you
And be held
A child
Infantile
Needing your touch
For survival
And when our bodies do finally meet
Each hair on mine will rise and commemorate the love we've made
But not yet
My dear
No
We mustn't spoil it
Not yet
For I never knew love and *** were synonymous
And now I wonder if this means my parents were in love
And now I wonder how many people you've loved
Now I wonder if the girl who throws her body at men only wants to be loved
*****
****
*****
I think it funny that these words aren't tacked to men
As they are women
And I understand now
I am an object
I am wrong in all I do
He kisses me
That's so cute baby
You are so very smart
I let him **** me

Materialism took all the empty hands
But it won't complete a thing

Summertime windchime song
I hear its brevity
In your laughter
Like bitter cold rain on my tongue
Moments
We danced through puddles
To that summer song
Stuck in my head
Like your picturesque hello
And how it seems so long ago
A wink of times blind eye
And there we are
Street signs in tow
My head in your lap
Counting sunroof stars
Like sparklers
Streaming to meet our dust
On back roads
We race to beat our adrenaline home
Now let months go
Walking to meet the street
Laying a blanket at our feet
We talked to coax the stars away
Reeled in a shy shy sunlit sky
Like kids Christmas morn peeking
To see the tree wear its halo glow
And bask in memories as they grow

Teaching girls **** prevention
Rather than showing boys urge suppression

If this were a roller coaster ride
We'd be plummeting
Wind tugging at our faces
Your hands high
Salute the sun
Maybe wave goodbye
While mine cling tight
Petrified
I wanted to let go
I could feel my fingers loosening..
But then we were swooped up
Speeding round corners
To a tip top peak
Joyous screams
To nervous laughter
Here comes the drop once more

Theres always lights on in my house
A few dishes in the sink
A pile of clothes here and there
Some folded
Some furrowed in baskets
Hiding under beds
You can find drawers of everything and nothing
Half missing decks of cards, candy, broken crayons, photos flooded in boxes and albums of our lives
You can find pieces of my mother
Scrawled in notebooks from freedom times of her youth
She would never tell you about
Youll be greeted by a wriggley pug with shoe or couch cushion in mouth
No, she will not stop kissing you
Theres always food in my house
Fancified labors of love
Shoved in saved salsa jars
Theres the old fireplace wrapped in wooden shelves and books and books and books
Drafty walls meet creaky aching wood floors
My house was warped with time
The attic is twenty degrees hotter than the basement
Likely from my pubescent years there
Sleeping at night you can hear mice or birds or bats in the ceiling
Scutterring a rhythm of cohabitated life
Id beat on the walls
Theres been renovations
Live ins
Move outs
Break ins
Move back ins
Divorce
Remarriage
Dead plants fake plants and growing gardening
My house is a changing ecosystem
Bustling beside main street
With a cemetary stare past the back yard
Buried lives and versions of mine
Youll find life and love history and family
Holy hurt with
Heart and soul
Best thing is
The doors always unlocked

Dry wind
Leaves wave goodbye
You rake them into piles
I missed the crunch beneath my feet
The patchwork blanket of fall
Shuffling stir of crisp remembrance
We've little control at all

A hassle, you say
Between swift step breaths
I haven't known it once
"The gutters are full the yards a wreck"
"I'll burn them all away"
Gaze upon those driven eyes
My only concern what's for brunch

I want to hug you and squeeze you and punch you and verbally assault you and ******* and tell you I never want to see you again

Sopping sorrows
In drenched trench coats
Droop
Drop
Drip
Like
A shivering spine
Quivers, slithers
In a crafty coil
Spoils spit take smiles
Nothing about this in your files
Lurking lies of lullabies
Plaster flaccid ceiling stares
Glares
Inward turn
Nail biting churn
Thicker than the tired tracks
Rolling robbery
Wrings a pathetic apology
Out of a gum wrapper
Nothings new

My prince charming
Wears armor of glass
Yielding a sword to combat conscious thought
My prince charming
Carries me
Far from here
Far from danger
With each swig
This sweet poison
This lovely potion
Rescues
A damsel in distress

I've a crawling suspicion
this times got a mission
Like a gasoline strike
Split hardrived for fission
Or a slinking for something
That daunts my remission
Dissolves my uncertainty
Spells out a vision
Found harder and harder to see
Past the dreams you're in
Whistling wood
Won't spark in such thinking sin
Stoppage of time
Much less knowing what world I'm in
Prying for clues
Precious words in the passing wind
Eager for something
Fresh liveliness I'd expend
To reality
Renowned discoveries
Flip switch from extinction ends
Granting yourself as a new kind of fruitful friend
Harder at first
Than your expectations would have found you in
But much less a curse
Than relying on you would've been
So im searching my purse for that ******* lighter again
Though the glow so can find me
If I only look within

You held me between barbed wire teeth
With ******'s tongue
You knew I couldn't leave
To the collected dust that was my former being
You told me so each day
When my eyes seemed to wander to the person I could've been
Could be?
Unreturned calls of friends
Forgotten faces
Lost and found you
Radio static numbness
I am yours
Forever

18 feels like..
Being caught between the door and the wall
In a game of hide and seek
A gasp hanging over your head
A breath shrinking your chest

18 is the eager freshman
Stumbling down the hall
Schedule in hand

18 sounds like it should be some bigger picture
Than 9x2

18 feels like an adulthood indoctrination
For the forest fairy believers

18 is the first trip to a strip tease
Full of chanting and discarded dollar daughter smiles

....

18, you could've done worse to me
...


18 makes me walk as though I've atlas' own shoulders
Like a puffer fish,
Bulking up
As though I am anything but prey

18 makes me wonder when the world shrunk so
The house has never felt this small
And I,
Grow ever more aware of just how much space I occupy

18 needs not hold my hand as I walk across the street

I know how 18 goes down like age old whiskey
The burn must come before the warmth