In July I will be attending a formal wedding
All my family will be there
And of course I don't want to embarrass myself now do I?
So what's a girl to do?
Oh wait,
I know a boy in class who ballrooms professionally
A boy I'm interested in
So why not ask for lessons
See where it goes
And hope to high heavens
That all goes as planned

I needed to be a four year old
With a twinge of mom today
I didn't want to look at my problems
In fact, I wanted them to erase
I thought that I could be fantastic
But learned that I could be great
I convinced myself I could get away with
All this evading of my pain

I wanted to paint pictures, **** my thumb
Thinking it would be okay to love
I desire to see the world and all of its beauty
And I have decided that will be enough

Only then will I be happy
When I see a world filled with peace
I'm learning that sometimes to be a big girl
I have to think like a little one
Because being so open
Is a grand and simple solution

It will be far more powerful
To look someone alive in the eye
Rather than dead

I just want to know
That it's right by that
Feeling in my stomach
And I want it to be magical
Not stereotypically per se
But magical for me
And for her or for him
Because love is love
No matters what's in the pants
I want a love story
Not right now
But soon
I have always dreamed
Of having a high school sweetheart
And it could've been possible
If he wasn't abusive
If I noticed what she was trying to say
Or if he wasn't two-timing
I wonder if she knows
I digress
I want romantic
Like every girl deep down
I just want real love
But I want flings now

If only there were an address I knew for you

Sparkling glass beads of water
Drip from her body
Glowing in the incandescent gold
She traces herself in the mirror
Going over all the parts she hates
Until she sees what he does
Gorgeous

.

Does not indicate flirting
And desire to kiss
Or even touch romantically

So what are we?

Nobody ever expects it coming
Yet it is so common

Too much drama
Too much noise
Too much "he said, she said"
Too much hatred
Too much pain
I can't toast to that
The world has tilted itself
Too far on its axis
I fear it will never correct
I want to spread love
To spread inspiration
To spread hope
To spread future
To spread encouragement
But life has so many downs
It seems almost impossible to adjust
The world to its proper proportions
So we just adjust
To the shifted thought
And its ever-widening gyre
That consumes us whole
Then never ceases to fill our bodies
With hatred and eat away at our souls
So this I urge
Wake the **** up
We need more positivity
And I am just as guilty
But I want to change
And make the world
See a 180 change
For the better

No terrorist ever thinks,
"I wonder how much art I've inspired"
No artist ever thinks,
"I want a terrorism attack as inspiration"
How many lives must be taken?
How many different forms of art must respond?
Twin towers
World trade center
Paris
Nice
Orlando
Munich
How much longer must we live in hell?
Aren't we the generation if change?
Whatever this ******* is
It needs to stop
Right ******* now
I wonder,
What's next
I know,
I'm terrified
I want to be,
Ready for whatever you have to throw my way

I am a library book
Dog eared and worn
Quite a few pages spilled on
Torn
I sit in the bottom of a book bag
Overdue
Waiting for you to remember
You haven't yet returned me
The fines are a mile long
You started to read
But the blurb was misleading
You forgot that you ever checked me out
And so much damage has been done
What with you tossing in other books
Spilling chips
Folding my pages
Leaking ink
Darlin' you deserve to have
Your library card revoked

I want to be picked up in
One of his cars
Preferably the Chevy truck
With a smile 'cross his mug
Saying how long he's been waiting to see me
Even though it's only been a few hours
I want butterflies to destroy my stomach
And I want him to take my hand
As he drives like it's always been that way
I want to go to his favorite restaurant
And let him order for me
Because he knows what's good and what I like
I want him to look up at me while we're eating
And tell me there's something
Right...
Right...
There and kiss me
Not passionately, just a peck
I want him to take my hand confidently
Then open my side door and kiss me again
I want him to drive aimlessly for miles
Throw the car in "park" randomly
Lean over, tossing his seatbelt to his door
And kiss me over and over and over
Until our lips are entirely beestung
I want him to take me to the movies
And allow me to watch the film
Clasping my hand through its entirety
I want him to walk me out of the theaters
Pick me up and spin me around
Making me feel like a girl
I want him to stop some place sketchy
But with a florist around the corner
I want him to kiss me again
Before he gets out and locks all the doors so I'm safe
I want him to come back with a bouquet
Of red tulips with a note that reads:
"See, I remembered"
I want him to tell me he loves me
I want him to grin while I sob lightly
Then gently kiss my tears away
Tenderly wiping them from the planes of my face
I want you to feel proud and know my love
I want you to drive me home
Holding my hand the whole way there

As if there is no one in this world
Who can stop you
Live without regret

Could have been
Should have been
It's all in the past

Hold your heart tight
Do not
Fear the unknown world

A life worth living for
Is certainly a life
Worth dying for

You only have one shot
You only have one life
So tell me,

What are you waiting for?
Why are you hiding
Your gloriously bright star?

Do not hold back
I repeat
Do not hold back

This life we live
Is far too **** short
For something petty like that

You are such a twelve year old boy
With such classy humor
You don't even say what your joke is
You just put asterisks
And leave me hanging
What the hell man?
I wanna be a twelve year old boy too
You ****
Lol * ***** joke * lol
Dork

5AM Wake Up grab the workout clothes, ***, drink water
505AM Meditate inhale...2...3...exhale...2...3...repeat
520AM Run like you've never run before like you're getting away from him
540AM Shower the colder the better inhale...4...5...exhale...4...5...
6AM Breakfast gotta eat something anorexia won't fix anything
615AM Read inhale...6...7...exhale...6...7...repeat
625AM Leave it's only school you like school
730AM School just a few hours of bliss inhale...8...9...exhale...8...9...
230PM Homework 20 minutes a subject, a day minimum
3PM Snack remember to drink more water don't throw it up
430PM Run run harder remember to breathe
5PM Shower it's okay to be a little warm tears can fall here
630PM Dinner you know the time shifts eat up
7PM America's Favorite Hour work your mind give your heart a pause
8PM Bedtime ***, brush teeth, more water
10PM Fall asleep the insomnia is hard *the depression is worse

It's a funny, silly, trivial thing
The love of language
And so-called "Instagram etiquette"
The way he uses commas,
Parentheses,
(And semi-colons);
It's marvelous!
I'm a peculiar underclassman
With my **** ways of grammar
He uses full sentences!!
There's a subject, a verb,
A conjunction,
As well as punctuation
I don't know much about him
But it's only been four days
As far as I can tell
He's a beautiful creature
Alluring and tantalizing
Knowledgeable and vocal
Chorally inclined
O! this potential boy of mine

In my dreams I am single
Building wealth and surrounded by friends
The desert sun kisses me awake
And continues making love to my soul all through the day
In my dreams I am limitless and free
My ambition is unchallenged and naysayers are ******
I move in authenticity
Which only arouses me more
In my dreams I am alive
Dancing through every gifted moment
Flames of passion rush through my veins
And my every cell vibrates with excitement
But when I wake up it all crashes
And I am deafened by the silence
I am compressed by the limitations of the one next to me
But it isn't his fault; it's my own

A white man on his ivory horse
Knock, knock, knocks on your doorstep
He is a gentleman, but his patience is short
Without permission he'll walk in to take your breath
He means no harm, for he is not rude
It's only an occupational hazard
He won't judge you for your past as
Your soul hugs his waist atop his equine companion
Who carries you,
Draped carefully in clean yet dirtied rags,
And him,
Elegant in armor but soaked in sadness,
Around you glows a light that is about
To be engulfed by darkness
"May your soul be laid to rest"
The beautiful man you know to be your reaper
Whispers as he drops your soul
Into the depths of a heretical hell

Memories are dangerous weapons that cause their users to bleed

Purple orange twilight skies
With streaky clouds rolling by
Desert days turn to night
Music cranked, windows down
Memories in hindsight
Lost love
Found hope
Growing pain
Of braking bones
The stars will guide
A heart that lies
To a mind for the right
Reasons

There was a man filled with youth
And sparked by love
For a lovely lass down the way
Every morn he would greet her
To receive an arrogant smirk
He was a man of few possessions
She was a materialistic princess
Her head was filled with things
Not thoughts
One evening while strolling through the park
The man watched his coveted lass sob
She glanced skyward and pleaded
"I've everything else in this world
But a man and the moon,
Please fulfill my wish"
The man went to the edge of the town
Lumber and hammer in tow
To build a house using only the
Few beams and the moon
He built a frame and slowly coerced
The moon from the sky
Lies poured from his beestung lips like honey
Enticing la lune from the heavens
He fabricated earthly felicities
And the moon began to believe
A celestial being had no place reflecting
Or preventing what simply must be
After building his house with moon and wood
He was a much older age
But never did he lose his sight of the lass
Who fired well with time weathering
He showed her the clump of moon shine in a jar
And asked for her hand in marriage
On the eve of their wedding
The sun blazed and flared
For the sky was empty at night now
The sun missed its companion
And struck down the lass
Then set and allowed the man contemplation
He rocked in the moon rocker made for his
Late bride to be
And stayed there till the morning sun
Used rays like bullets from a gun
To strike the man to death to
Before the building of the house
The moon was craterless
The sun was hot though and burned his dear friend
Embedding her with the face of her destroyer
This is the story of the
Man in the moon

All the **** time
These mosquitos buzz profusely
Around my throbbing ears
Begging for attention
And O the attention they so crave
Is gifted by the swat of my hand
The turn of my attention
These ****** mosquitos try to
Imbue my mind with mindless thoughts
Thoughts about superficiality
About insignificance
About the lies of the world
These ****** mosquitos permeate
My skin with their razor blades
Mixing blood types
I am always asked
If I am allergic to these parasitic creatures
That favor feeding off of individuality
And every single time
I reply
Telling them everyone
Is allergic to being infused
With blood that isn't supposed to run
Through their own veins by birthright
But no one understands
These small ******* creatures
Destroy even as just one
And an entire race of them
Destroys and entire race
Of individuality

Every time I see a new message from him
He's hurt me far too many times
And he always leaves me broken
We keep growing
And surviving
And yet we always run right back to one another
I don't want a relationship with him
I looked my kid in the eye and told her
"I wouldn't"
When she asked if I'd give Cole
A million more opportunities if
He came running back and apologized
Telling me I'm the only girl he's ever loved
And I hope I meant it
Because he's gone and done it
I miss him a lot these days
But we all know he isn't good for me
And there's Evan! Evan,
The man that without fail makes me laugh
And smile
And encourages me to grow
I don't feel weight when I talk to Evan
But this history with Cole is too much to ignore
.
.
.
I think I need to date myself for a while

Dance naked up by the Hollywood sign
Red carpet glitz
Make out at rock concerts
Family holidays
Impulsive matching tattoos
Annual Nutcracker ballet
Vaping and Long Islands
Sunday morning cuddles
Scratches and hickeys
Blanket and pillow forts

On my side of the bed
Is a broken picture frame
From when I got a little too drunk
And you ****** me off
A CD and brand new journal
With a pack of unused pens
Waiting for inspiration
There are articles about the storm
That stole you from me
The sheets are torn and tangled
From many sleepless nights
The lamp with a broken shade
You said had character
And an unopened roll of Smarties
Because maybe
If I can make them pants you'll come back
But worst of all are the jars and jars
Of pennies hiding under the bedframe
For every kiss I wish I could give

Unless you're prepared for hurricanes
Tsunamis and any apocalypses
Because darling
I'll make those look like
Child's play

Hey nice shoes
     Wanna trade?
Haha, sure, I look great in heels
     That's good, because they are killing my feet
Oh no! That's awful, here let me help you
     Haha, thanks. I like your eyes
I like your jacket
     It was my dad's
That's so cool
     I like to think so
**** I'm late for class
     I'll still trade you shoes
Maybe later Beautiful