I want instant results
With minimal work
But I know that is ridiculous
I might be impatient
And perhaps as some would dare say
"Stupid"
But I know how to get **** done
I have a plan for everything
And sometimes it doesn't work
But I am strong
I will get my desired results eventually
And ******* if you don't believe me

How all his words leave me on the edge of
My seat, and how his unending kindness causes
Me to fall harder and faster each
Second. The things he says without thinking
Are the absolute best
And I am completely his

You both have such beautiful minds
Beautiful hearts
Beautiful souls
Sweet Eleanor and wondrous Ezra
Everytime my visitation is granted
You are lights in my world
And you open my eyes
Remember these words that I have for you

Never stop loving fearlessly
Because once you do, the world has won
Fight like the princess and prince you are
Only you can choose your kindnesses
Speaking of which,
Always always choose kindness
There is never reason not to
If I catch you being even a little bit mean
You can be assured I will be talking for hours
Please know that time is not money
Time is love
Spend your time on family and friends
The rest will fall in place eventually

But above all else
*Never stop searching for the beautiful in each day

If I could turn back the hands of time
And have the ability to reclaim you
I wouldn't
Not in a million billion years
Because everything happens for a reason
And I believe there is nothing that
Could make anything better
If not for then I wouldn't be where I am now
And neither would you
I'd be okay with just friends
Because to tell the truth
I only "love" you when I'm sad these days
Back then I loved you always
But not now
Now I am better
I am stronger
If I could turn back time
I'd be weaker.

Now why the hell would I do that to myself?

She left and so did all the stress
He came back, the feelings haven't yet
     (They're probably on the way)
I'm better than ever
Organized
Stress-free (well, close enough)
Interview soon to happen
Enjoying all the little things
Because life is too **** to not search for every sparkle

I needed to be a four year old
With a twinge of mom today
I didn't want to look at my problems
In fact, I wanted them to erase
I thought that I could be fantastic
But learned that I could be great
I convinced myself I could get away with
All this evading of my pain

I wanted to paint pictures, **** my thumb
Thinking it would be okay to love
I desire to see the world and all of its beauty
And I have decided that will be enough

Only then will I be happy
When I see a world filled with peace
I'm learning that sometimes to be a big girl
I have to think like a little one
Because being so open
Is a grand and simple solution

I miss you something awful
and it hurts real bad.
Today I cried because I realized
You'll never want me back
I'm a mess, I'm a project:
I am charity work you took on.
You loved me and I you,
But in a blink you were gone.
Now I feel like a part of me's missing
Because it liked you more.
I guess I didn't realize
You and I were at war.
Well baby, you win
To the victor do the spoils go.
You have my heart still
And my promise isn't broke.
You're beautiful; spectacular
Please don't change a thing.
I love you, you wonderful man,
Even though to you I am nothing

Perhaps I am a confusing individual
Believing that human nature is inherently good
While thinking that the world is out to get me
But knowing the universe is indifferent
To my menial existence that has beautiful
Tones lifting other souls into their fullest
Potential where they can live
Abiding by laws of morality
Which is a grey area
Molded skillfully and in a lovely fashion

I miss your writing
And at the latest hours of the night
I toss and I turn
Pleading for more words
Less anguish
O! this horrid waiting to know
What it is that weighs upon
Your beautiful soul
And I lay awake as the sun
Sits upon the horizon
Creeping up, killing the night sky
I think of not just your poems
But of you
Wondering how my friend
Could possibly be out in this
Altogether too large of a world
But when I say that I am missing
Your poetry
What I'm really saying is
I miss you

A genuine smile coupled with
     light-hearted teasing
Is equivalent to a nervous smile
     combined with instinctive defense
We gamble by adding a toothy grin
     which in return receives blushing
One "good morning" is worth
     a smile and groggy "how are you?"
One "awe ******" may receive
     up to two "how many steps?"
A cat-like sneeze equals a "bless you"
     but a cough is worth "are you alright?!"
So, I wonder...
     how much is a ten digit phone number worth?

Anyone can catch a fish with a hook
But few can do so with simple honesty

We are The No Boys Club
At least until New York
Or Greece
Or Italy
I'm waiting for Colorado
Or Scotland
But we're both too hopeless
To wait

Aerrow and I we're the
"Oh **** I didn't do my APUSH work'
The "I Donts Gots This"
Founders
We're all about "boys are gross"
"Boys have cooties!"
And "rainbows" on shoulders

Nothing is yuckier than all
The people at school
And they are kinda sorta slutty
Or *******
But we don't mind because it's easy
To tease

We are broken and hilarious
With our refined cowcaine
We are philosophical
But that's mostly due to sleep deprivation
We are always exhausted
And procrastinating
We are full of ******* and a lack
Of commitment to ourselves

We don't quite understand
What the difference between loving
And hating school is
But we do understand
That boys aren't worth our time
Yet we still go for the pain
And hold each other up

We are "don't touch that"
"I'm a lick you!'
"Ewie COOTIES"
And "Hey, it's okay: you gots this"

It's Aerrow and I
Against most of the world
**** near five years strong
In an unbreakable friendship

He hates this guy who appears to be his friend

She thinks said guy is a *****

He thinks he's arrogant, outlandish, and foolish

She hates his ego

A child who had know him for only twelve seconds
Used the word "cringe-y" to define his everything

But I myself think I might like him

He makes me happy whenever we're near

He causes my stress to be forgotten

But if my friends can't stand him
My friends who know him far better than I

Maybe I should rethink this infatuation

There's a darker side to town
When the lights come up
When the sun rises
That is when the sin is most obvious
All the gamblers
With whiskey on their breath
Come stumbling out around nine in the morning
And wander into their homes
Sleeping the day away
Kissing their wives goodbye
For another go round of chasing the devil
Their wives dance about
In their sluttish suburban ways
Knowing **** well where their men are
And taking advantage
Every second
Of the loneliness they feel
Dragging in any man who walks their way
They don't mind the age
Especially when drunk and *****
And those girls who hate *** now
The *****
And the ***
And the money
The drugs
The temptation
Everything about the night life
Is appealing
Except when shown in daylight
No person is immune to the consequences
When the addiction calls
And a stripper,
So in pain,
Cries out to the sky
Pleading to be forgiven

He doesn't truly love anyone
He is hurting and he is broken
But you cannot fix him
He is the only one who can save
The life he has destroyed
We cannot give him what he needs
He won't ever love us like we love him
So darling, please don't lose heart
Don't lose your mind
Keep yourself safe while you can
Because he collects girls like us
By the dozen
And he isn't worth the waste of our
Thoughts
But you've already swung your legs
'Round his waist
So it's far too late
I just hope you don't lose you

I am drowning in the humdrum of everyday life
Wishing I could be sitting with you on the edge of Italy
Looking out at the Adriatic Sea
But alas, I am here, paying for the life you left behind
And you are there soaking in rays and drinking red wine
I wish you hadn't left me for there
The least you could have done was paid for the airfare
I think that these bills distract me from the real problem at hand
If I really loved you, wouldn't I have left this land
This land of mundane life and of great exhaust
For something more extraordinary, something less taut
But then I remember that we weren't meant to be at all
Simply because we couldn't any longer stall
Now I remember why I said no to becoming your wife

You woo no one
With your lies
Except for everyone
Who wants to believe
Silly girls like me
But your lies become venom in my mind
And I take a step back
To spit up the poison
Then I realize that
A boy who lies is a boy who hides
I just want to help you
Find your soul again
That was buried deep when
You were unnecessarily glorified
For using you God given charm
It shouldn't have corrupted you so much
But I know that underneath
Your gilded exterior
And hard coal middle
There is a beautiful diamond soul
And a very prominent v

Even if her horse is faster
My canoe is more determined
Even if she can dance beautifully without pain
I can listen to the words you say without a tear
Even if her horse is stronger
My canoe is more compassionate
Even if she can weave a great web of stories
I can tell you honestly the things that hurt

In the long run
My canoe wins

But darling, you are hardly one of them these days

And its abuse encourages me
To continue running

I am healing
Whether or not you believe it
I am becoming stronger
I swore it at the beginning of the year
But you doubted me
I am growing
My health is improving
My mind is easing
My body is strengthening
I am healing
And it is a beautiful process
Filled with pain and love
I am finally learning to love me
And as I said
It is beautiful

I can hope and I can dream
That you might still love me
If you swear that you'll be true
I will always love you
You had my heart
Once before
I never got it back after
Our war
You 've fooled me once
Now fooled me twice
There are tears burning my eyes

Here is the tale of an ordinary girl
She met a boy thinking he could be her world
She thought it was love at very first sight
He took her home and made her his queen that night
When she awoke too soon the next day
The place beside her was occupied by sun rays
The boy had left her all alone
Her heart was broke just like her throne
And she sang:

I can hope and I can dream
That you might still love me
If you swear that you'll be true
I will always love you

He lived his life out on the road
A different girl each night to forget his home
The girl he left behind in the dust
Shouldn't have left such an impact, but
He packed his bags of wandering
Closed his eyes and prayed that she
Might still be waiting
As he roamed:

He would hope and he would wish
That she still would love him
He left her heart all alone
But he hoped she'd still be home

He returned a week later
Saw on the door a note that hurt
She had moved on with her life
But she wished she could have been his wife
He called her to come back home
And she trusted with blind love
He lost his temper late one night
And she thought she lost her sight
He dropped to his knees and cried
Begging attempts and apologizing
She forgave him once again
It was in the morning when she left him

With her head held high
She whispered her cry:

I have hoped and I have dreamed
But you don't still love me
I know now you'll never be true
Yet I'll always love you
You had my heart
Once before
I'll never get it back, not after that war
You fooled me once
Now fooled me thrice
I still have tears staining my eyes

I can hope and I can dream
That I might love me
I swear to myself that I'll be true
One day I might not love you

It is something that is absolutely
Breathtaking
You can't help but to love it
It's like
A first love
Or a baby's laughter
Or an old couple
Or an awe inspiring scene
It's so wonderful
So pure
And all you can think when you
Encounter it is
*I want something just like that

I want to do something spectacular
Something reckless and beautiful
Something fearless and live-changing
Every single day
I want to feel crazy and daring
Feel bold and loved
Feel excited and optimistic
Every single day
I want to do something that matters
Something without regrets
Something without being held back
I want to make every single day
As beautiful as anything can be

Hey nice shoes
     Wanna trade?
Haha, sure, I look great in heels
     That's good, because they are killing my feet
Oh no! That's awful, here let me help you
     Haha, thanks. I like your eyes
I like your jacket
     It was my dad's
That's so cool
     I like to think so
**** I'm late for class
     I'll still trade you shoes
Maybe later Beautiful

If I could turn back time
I'd go back and I would be better
I'd be less selfish
I'd focus more on your needs
Your desires,
Your wants
If I could turn back time
I'd go back and buy that ticket
I'd go and visit you so that you'd know
Just how much I love you
How much I miss you
How much I need you
If I could turn back time
I would shower you with affection
I'd teach you just how much
You mean to me because
I love you
I love you
I love you
But you don't love me anymore
If I could turn back time
I would be a better girlfriend
And I wouldn't be here now
Crying and wondering where I went wrong
But I know it's because I'm too unhealthy
Mentally and emotionally
I'm sorry I still love you,
I hope you can forgive me
If I could turn back time
I'd hide my depression better
My anxiety
My PTSD
I'd ask you everyday
"How was your day?
How is your bloodsugar?
How are you? Because I really want to know"
I'd say to you
"You are everything to me
You are the love of my life
You are amazing"
I love you
I'm sorry I can't turn off my heart
Like some sort of radio
You might have taken the keys away
But you forgot I run on faith
If I could turn back time
You would never have to doubt how
Deep my love for you is
Because you are my life
My world
My heart
I love you
I love you
I love you
*I'm sorry

I know that we all feel pain
And heartbreak
But that's no reason to tear ourselves apart
For falling prey to abusive relationships
We only stay because
We truly believe that they will change
And even we realize they won't
We hope they will
We feel (we know) they still love us
But that's no excuse to stay
And drown ourselves in
"Why?"
"What did I do wrong??"
Because we have done nothing
But existed as human beings
Loving fearlessly

It's my turn to be demanding
You break up with me then say
"Remember the promise you made me"
I made you so many but you mean the one
About self harm
"That's not fair!"
So you told me you want me safe
But now it is my turn

Don't you dare tell me you don't love me
Don't you dare break my heart again
Don't you dare say you care but tell me you're leaving anyways
Don't you dare treat me like a child
Don't you dare make decisions for me
Don't you dare change who you are
Don't you dare lose sight of yourself
Don't you dare give up

I love you
I miss you
I'm sorry

I'm a primary document to all the **** I have said
You are obviously not a historian
For you favor your secondary documents
To the main source

Didn't your mama teach you
To not be a *****-addicted *****
Who needs to drown yourself in the
Lies society tells you

I don't know if your daddy ever told you
But you don't lie to women like me
You really shouldn't **** with people like me
Because I don't know if you know this but

I'm the kind of ***** who run
In a wedding dress and stripper heels
Because hunny, you **** me off

Should I write your eulogy?

You will no longer have my
Undying, unyielding, unapologetic
Love as soon as I permanently halt
Breathing in oxygen and exhaling
Carbon dioxide because darling
I am female and cheap whiskey and
Superfluous *** will not heal my
Broken heart that you
Are the only Band-Aid to but I
Understand you don't know how unfair
It is to be forced into pretending a
Love was never there
But I promise
As soon as Antarctica has a month long
Heat wave of over 90 degrees Fahrenheit
I will stop loving you
You don't have to worry about apologizing
Because sweetheart
I forgave you for all the pain you
Caused me the first time you said
"Hi"

I believe I lost my train of thought
At the "Oh My, Did You Hear Him
Talking About Sylvia Plath Like That
Junction"
I believe I lost my guarded heart
At the station ten minutes back
Before we even began starting to speak
Of "all the possibilities and miracles"
That occur in everyday life
Even though we've "been let down so often"
Because we "still believe there's a chance
That cupid could decide"
To be kind again and honest
And we "believe in forever"
I think I lost my mind
Because I must have forgotten
How hurt I've been before
Maybe though
Someday I will meet this man