And I pray you recognise that your sons have hearts too
And that you do not expect theirs to be like baskets and seep away all the hurt and pain

I have not accepted you are gone yet

That is why I have not cried

That is why I can not breathe

The world is hurtling by

And I'm being left behind

I never had a chance...well all too many I did but wasted

To tell you you heart beats nysc with mine

To tell you your thoughts are woven with mine

To tell you your words are treasure on my island

And although it is proven you are gone

I hope what I felt will still

**REMAIN

My poetry has found a way to **** itself

I hope you are happy wherever you are

Misery..
She comes when I have friends over
She comes when I'm alone
She ***** the life out of me and banishes my friend happiness.
As misery comes,her aura sending happiness into a disappearing act...I swear I want to cry but I won't let her see,I wont let misery see what she does to me.

All those sleepless nights
I would lay awake
Hoping you would knock
As my hands did shake
I tried to let music move me
As day would break
As the clock would move
And it hit quarter past eight
There was no end in the waters
Not even at the lake
As I would cry
And those sweet buns would bake
Life seemed so slow
Almost a mistake
As I realized you were my little fruitcake
But now as I lay here
The final moves I make
I breathe in
As all those many pills
I take

In a world that seems to harbour more bad than good
The word 'trust' seems to have left
It seems to have never existed at all
But with a pen
A camera
And whatever else I can find
I will reclaim it
I will find it
Nestle it in my palms and whisper to it
"It is okay"
And I will share it
With those with broken hearts
Those with lost hopes
I will share it with everyone

Oh African girl
African woman,
You are more than the stars between your legs

Oh African girl
African woman,
You are more than moons that lay atop your chests

African girl
African woman,
Oh won't you believe me?
When I tell you that those curves are not all that makes you?

That your broad or small hips are not what writes your story
Oh African girl
African woman,
Carry a pen or take your finger and write your story

Upon my hands I hold fear
It isn't something I hold dear

It frightens me in reality
It hunts my dreams

It tells me
"Nothing is as it seems"

Upon day break it speaks softly
But at night it is loud

Gathering in my head a large un silent crowd

It whispers about demons
It whispers about legions

About how they will choke me in my sleep
If I was to dare fall to deep

So I stay awake
As he tortures me overnight
He is my enemy and his name is fright

In this very moment everything hurts

In this very moment I regret my choices

In this very moment I realize I cant breath

Wandering but not lost is my heart
Fevers of a summers day
It holds

Wandering but not lost is my heart
Frost of a winters day
With colds

Wandering but not lost is my heart
The emotion like an autumn day
With death around

Wandering but not lost is my hearts
As spring brings new life
Not a blooming sound

My little cage held in place
No dreams to chase
Like a bird with no wings
Like a butterfly without color
A man with no honour
My little cage
with its brass bars
I hear the passing cars
I watch the twinkling stars
For my little cage
Is stronger than steel
The pain is so real
the world passes me by
as i slowly die
in
my little cage

Any meal could be your last..
So chew slowly

You were like a shower of sand
You blinded me just enough to use me

I am a collection of mistakes.

A catalogue of secrets.

A series of unfortunate events.

Maybe I'm as tough as I seem...

Or maybe you're just too stupid to see that I need help.

Maybe I'm quiet

Or maybe you just don't see people can die silently

Maybe I love reading

Or maybe you just don't notice how my hands quiver as I cry into the pages.

Maybe I love singing

Or you like my tune just a little to much that you do not envision me putting a cry for a savior in my lyrics

Maybe I am too deep in my little colorful world.

Or you are to blind to see,that I am just a smidge too insane.

Maybe....this is all I will ever get.

I was like a book you pulled from a library shelf
You read me
Studied me
From cover to cover
But when it was time for you to leave
You replaced me back on the shelf and went on your way

My great grandmother is gone
But when I speak
She lives once more
And when my mother tells her tales
It is as though I was present for every moment

Every moment when she spoke when she meant to be a "silent woman"
Every room she was in when she was meant to be an "absent woman"

She was vast,
Always more than expected
And always enough for herself

What?

Its almost Christmas and time for snow
I just hope my scars do not show

When the trees have popsicles in their hands
And pure white covers all the lands

When golden sparks are dotted in their eyes
With cheer and laughter and surprise

Its almost Christmas,time to shine
Grab the pie and grab the wine

When music plays and all shall eat
When they move their hips and move their feet

Its almost Christmas for all of us to share
So call our names and we'll be near

When we sing and we dance
When we live like its our last chance

Its almost christmas do not forget
To be nice so your wishes are met

And at times I questioned, I questioned when life would be enough. when the need threatening to blow over within a person would cease and instead reduce to an undisturbing simmer.
I questioned when the blood, although unseen until a cut would be enough to rest ones mind and scatter ones fears
I questioned when the tears that build up quietly would be enough, enough to assure that your worries and not useless and they exist beyond the realm you have become accustomed to.

I have questioned yet I have received no answer.

You made me realize,you don't need a fist to destroy

My protector,
at least that was what you were meant to be
but as the stars collided with my vision
I knew that was not what you were.

Blood boiling within my veins as I realised my protector
was truly my destroyer
the one that made a gush of tears begin their descent
the one that was causing so much pain

As the hot liquid scolded my skin, as I was moved upwards with forceful yanks, I found out that those meant to love sometimes cannot

I have come back from a dream
I may have left my heart there
Underneath a butterscotch seat
And behind a lollipop tree
But was it that dream?
Or was it the one with fragile tales?
Tales of young mistresses who lost some limbs
Perhaps their entire beings
Or was it the dream where the unicycle rode the man and they went to town to get milk that could drink the cow?
Or was it underneath my dreary pillow this whole time?
My mistake victor

It wasn't fair how you made me lose control

It wasn't fair how you touched my soul

It wasn't fair that you invaded my thoughts

It wasn't fair I should have ran at all costs

It wasn't fair you made that promise and broke it

It wasn't fair you made my eyes lit

It wasn't fair you made me so confused

It just wasn't fair...now I feel used

No matter how unconditional your love for someone is,
Conditions need to be applied once that love starts hurting you

In the morning with the bright rays,come my first thoughts:

count
count

Then its time for breakfast
count faster
count faster

By lunch I am clutching my hair
Did miss anythig?

Dont forget to count
Dont forget to count

Time for dinner....but I messed up my counting!
count
count

Oh no
....
I had too much

I sang a song that was never mine to sing
And you wrote a story that was never yours to write
We were both thieves
But you were more skilled
Because while you stole my heart
I was incapable of even touching yours

When you're a baby your friends are your bottle and your mothers hands

When you're three your friends are Mr.teddy and lego

When you're six your friends are your new bike and the occasional scratch on your knee from falling

When you're ten your friends are your tree houses and making forts out of old bed sheets and a white dress you found in your mothers wardrobe

When you're thirteen your friends are magazines and a pair of kitty heels

When you're 16 your friends are a scale and a measuring tape

When you're eighteen your friends are a whiskey bottle and pills

When you're 20 you realize you lost all your friends and your only company will be the shadows

How I miss those meek childhood days,
When I would pull pranks and make jokes on this very day.

But now I'm a little too grown up to be that happy again.

I'm a little too experienced in what iscalled pain.

So before I lose this fake cool

I would like to say,April Fool

I'm allergic to my thoughts,
The way they sprout up and burst forth pollen that makes me sneeze

A chocolate river is what they see me as
Enticing enough to dip a toe
But not beautiful enough to dive into

As i watch you

shy but certain

my smile is permanent

I'ave watched you grow

I'ave watched you so

Now complete

No more tears

No more fragile years

You love yourself at last

The pain is long gone

A distant past

Night has come and the glimmer of the moon won't reach my thoughts.

My mind is pitch black and no child would want to venture there alone...not even me

Bones...protruding from the soft cage of the skin.

Ribs so visible...so countable.

A tiny stomach just within your reach

A space between the thighs where a baby could fit right in.

Small,chicken wings that are called arms.

Just skin and bones

When did I stop needing mr teddy to protect me?

When did I lose that cuddly friend and that sense of security?

When did I lose it all and become a broken china doll?

When did I become so lonely?

My darling,
Do not wait for someone to dance with
When there is music in your bones

I wish my misery would melt like strawberry drops
my memories blurring in the distance
I wish my worries would die off like flies
my negativity peeling of the surface

Until then,
I just wish to stay alive
my heart still beating

lovE is Evol
Just spell it backwards

Hold me tight sister
Don't let them catch me
"I won't Ezie" said Ngozi as she nestled them deeper into the leaves

My whole body hurts
Trembling from what I just read
Desire threatening to cover me with its devil mist
Yet, I refuse to succumb
Months of pain and anguish cannot simply be brushed underneath a carpet
A carpet of more lies and frustration
No
Despite the moon cheering me on to fall back into you arms
Despite my heart longing and crying
I shall not succumb
For I have learnt that desire is just the tip of what makes us
And so far there is no us

I look down with my tear stained face
Do I walk away and let you be
Or do I dig with my fingers,dig a grave to lay beside you my dear and wrap your bony fingers in my icy ones
Or do I leave you be my darling?do I let you sleep?even though the night will settle upon my flesh and eat me like acid once I step aside and let you be covered.
The dirt will be the lucky one..it will be able to touch you for eternity,at first your flesh..dotted with freckles and uncertinity,and your lips as they have dried with your secrets.
Then it would carress your finebones,bones no other has touched except God when he molded you effortlessly and dropped you in my lap
However now my lap has grown tired and weak,you do not sit on it anymore.You do not exist

Dropping like the trees from the rain forest

My tears

Screaming like the graveyard winds

My heart

Breaking like a mug on wood

My soul

The wind carries what is not rooted,
So be like the trees
Your leaves may sway but you will remain

When a woman is limited
When a woman is denied of her truth
The moon slumbers a moment longer
The sun rises a little later
And the skies become that much out of reach

If you limit her
If you deny her her truth

Till moons stop shinning
And suns stop rising
Till rivers stop flowing
And lakes stop going
Till rocks start dancing
And butterflies start singing
Till birds start rapping
And mice start shouting
Till roses stop growing
And fireflies stop glowing
Till the earth stops spinning
And my hearts stops beating
That's when I will stop loving
**YOU

Love has legs
It runs away when you don't need it too
And it always jumps just out of reach

You tell me I have this childish aura around me
That's why my crazy talk doesnt phase you
That's why when I chase butterflies it doesn't phase you

You tell me its sweet,and so pure
That's why when I talk about stars all.night it doesn't phase you

And when I whimper so close to your chest like I am scared of the dark

You dont shrink back in disgust

You cuddle me closer

Is my heart connected to my inbox?
Because they are both empty

When I realized my tears were poison..
I cried
And when i realized I had a scratching problem
I created wounds
And when my poison met my wounds
well you can imagine what happened..

My mood changes more than the currents on the high sea

My negativity makes minus seem positively plus

My awkwardness makes a naked mole rat strut with dignity and pride

My mind makes a swing seem stagnant,unmovable

All my challenges,all that is wrong with me

Is gone with the wind when your presence is nigh