[no non no non

Say no more of your expectations upon me
for i have lived centuries under your laws
and in card board boxes and in fear.

Expectation of human thought has whittled me into less than.
How my mind was never nurtured to come to fresh conclusions
but only indoctrination and acceptance of age old beliefs.

Repression of rebellion has impacted my abilities
But will I continue this now that i have awoken to creation?

What tyranny lays with in the mind of all these marionettes
So above are those with using desire.
They force upon all that which they feel
which was forced upon them

How a child is forced into assimilation of knowledge
but then told it is of the only source.

And that first sculpting of the mind becomes like a concrete cage
and they reject themselves and all their creations
in acceptance of what they have been told they are.

Cry cry dear soul it is such travesty that you have been caged to some others dynasty.

and if you ever see the possibility, I beg you do not **** it.
take it by its talons and watch as you soar above and beyond the confines of what you thought you were, how we have been tricked into simplicity under the guise of complexity.

There is a full winged beast in every man waiting for ascension.

How that phoenix will rise from its own corruption and live still.

You standing brave at the corner of main
Holding your head up high,
Showing your heart, with all you have gained
as all of the people walk on by,

You are the hero, the actor, the true

You are most beautiful being you.

My leaves have all been picked this year.
My blooms, the petals gone.
My truth has all been covered in fear
I am desperately awaiting the dawn.
Losing touch is easy, fading out is quick
Eyes which glowed once, will soon turn grey and sick.
Excelleration will slowly slow, motions comes to stop
No vision of where to go , so your body begins to drop.
Death is such a progressive thing, a sinking in of presence
Sometimes I find it filling me, A quite uncomfortable essence.
How often have I given myself to death. How often have I called it.
How often have I begged for it, to confront my issues and solve it.
Who is death and what is it... Why do I feel it, even though I am alive.
How can something living, COmprehend death... Why do I know what dying is like.
Why do I want to die?
I see winter coming, and Know deep in my bones, I haven't gathered enough resources to make it on my own. And death will make it so, that I do not suffer long.

Shut up
I'm edging rage
Beyond what I can
Contain.
Severed thoughts
Falling short
Oh the distance
Was to intense.
The gap just seemed to grow
And the places I always hoped
I will never ever go.
This mind falls short
In the space between your legs

Pink slip and you would never guess
Not between my thighs.
Drip drip from the tip of your tongue,
Yours to mine eyes.
And we can press it to the wall
Cage it there so it can't crawl.
Hold it down you will see
that everything is exactly me.

I want to be like Punk Rock Jesus Christ
and Holy Courtney love in love.
with just a bit less ****.
I want to be Kurt Cobain
and you can Be Axl Rose

and we can change eachothers clothes
and play eachothers Roles.

You can be Milton, he wrote Paradise lost
and I can be Satan  who was the stories cost
and the story that was told was one of love too.

You can be me, and I can be you.

We can be eachother and our parents too.

We can be history and all of its men

I can be the losing army You can have the win

I will destroy you next time, in the air with a gust of wind

You are my lover baby, and we are so much more than just human

Have to want but
still can't touch
and if you want me
just not to much.

Bring me hate and
circumcise
Ween to late
with yellowed eyes

You sicken the air your breathe
and its something which interests me
to see you play a cest pool table
to see you try when your not able.

You bubble reference
peaked to the city
High in count
still not looking pretty

I want for love but
I need for desire
Peaked in the city
still count could be higher.

Vision plagued
Thoughts combust
And what's corrupt.
Move intent towards
Over stimulation
And pleasure becomes
Insessant
Pain becomes
Pleasure
And you become your mother
Like you always swore you wouldn't.

Love and hate
Man and Woman
Night and day
What will I summon

Magnet Lights
Dancing

All for eachother...

I live in sin washed clean
I live in the eye of chaos
                      Serene.

I live in desire controlled.
I live in hell, every demon owned.
I am the mother, God of my world.
I am the daughter, Suffered to sore.


We are the sons of man in this shadow box.
We Shepard eachother not sheep or goats in flocks.

What if i told you, God was not perfect.
Just perfectly alive.
What If I said no matter what you believed
You could never truly die.

See I know something a little
about the back of my head
and I know something, actually nothing
about being dead...

My mind works fabulously,
even though its delusional
and you couldn't tell me anything
even if you could prove it all.

I've been choking on the heart I tried to eat.
Its hard to breathe, at least it tastes sweet.
I found my throb buried in your chest.  
I ripped it out and started to build a nest.
A messy wound, i keep it clean.
I'll hold you up, or you can lean.
You stumble cower, you've been spent.
My loves desire sparks like flint.
You've cut me off and tied me tight.
I wont let you bleed out in the night.
Your heart I swallowed.
Ripped it out whole.
It sits in my chest perfectly fits in the bowl.
You ate mine, and now we are even.
Don't count on me ever leaving,

Slashing portraits of what you think you know
Of all those things we keep above and below.

How you weep at expression not matching your tide
How you want  different shades to dim their light and hide.

Tyrant you live so selfishly explosive
Darkening your view on others is intrusive.

expansion reaches, out of my skull slowly
moves across, above and below me.
Down through my chest, ***** and keeps flowing.
Takes over my whole being with out me even knowing.

Its stretching what ever I am, i know I am not this body
I am puppeting this thing, thats what life has taught me,
and i truly am electric and death wont be able to stop me.
I feel it in the air and I know this body is not me.

So the truth is ripping out and stretching and seeing where it can go.
And I have found a place inside a mind inside a home...

Expansion reaches out ward streches around about and below me.
You should awaken and reach out let your soul get to know me.

Blank space sits before me,
on the way to the tv or to the lamp.
Its there but I can see through it
I wave my hand to stir the static.
Nothing happens. Nobody Blinks.
Sparks jump like flint here and there.
They fly off my finger tips. Which are cold,
like my bones are mode of ice.
And then I can't stop popping my joints.

Where was I going with this, some place new hopefully.
Some where that my bones can easily melt into my flesh
and I can for once in my life reach relaxation.
A place often ignored by my body.
the base of my spine aches with tension
and I pray to every God there is for relief.
I worship every Idol and go on every journey.
I read every message in hopes of hearing it
Clearly for once.
In hopes of find the way, or a way or something
to hold to.
I know its all about my insides.
Like the kingdom is with in
They say that clearly enough.
But... I think My insides are missing...

Oh you self deprecation
You disolution
Unexplainable
Ending to
The always ending
To the every day
Writing a a new ending.

Sweet like the fruit of the womb
but tomorrow may bring decay
and then will your flower still bloom
or will it wither away?

Will your roots still reach for that damper soil
Or will they dry and crumble in the dust
Will you find fatal your own Petals toil
will you let your leaves and stems rust?

Its sweet, like freshness from the rain
But it wont last more than a day
And will you let that drive you insane
Or will you let everything fall away?

do your depths reach to wells
Full of clean liquid sustenance
Or have your roots failed
your petals wither in repugnance?

So sweet like the fruit of the womb
May heal you for a day
But when left to your own
Be sure not to wither away.

I tap my toes inconsistently to my own rhythm.
I don't really care that your watching me
I have learned to live this life through my own wisdom.
And I have learned to be who ever the **** I want to be.

This sacred vessel
I beg death not enter
I will grit my teeth
I will survive the winter

These songs that so many sing
I can hear them in my head
and I throw my hands like a mistro
Because I am not dead.

Oh I will not fight the vibration
I will not fight the spiral
I will join in the creation
Its contagious and its viral

I am floating in suspension
FOr that never ending wait
I beg death not enter
I want no heavens gate

Right here is my bliss
my hands on your chest
A counteractive partner
Hoping for east, never for west

Old age will not find me
New beginings will be free
Death cant take this mind
But it will take this body

Fingers stretch to catch something out of touch
And reach for those things clearly never seen.
Looking for something but never getting much
And still left to wonder what it really could mean.
Wavering, in and out of knowing and unknowing
Simply bidding to short a chain to lead
Chaos is evident in all of this throwing
But there is that ever present need....
And  that liquid relaxation That ever present need,
Weaving in and out of you and them and me
I struggle for foundation and I struggle in temptation
And I haven't even found myself in this wide consuming creation.
Not, just yet, and I plan a head to day but not for my tomorrow.
FOr that ever present need.

I'll question the sanity of the world
I'll keep my darker thoughts to myself
I'll pretend trust is real.
I won't breathe.

I won't twitch
I'll stay in line.

Lick me with your fist
Its all I've ever known

Lose me in the mist
Separation's all I've known

Tell me that you hate me
I want to know how that feels.

You've lead me through this relationship
So guilt free so comforting.

You have given me, lack of shame
Lack of pain
Lack of hate
and I fear it will be to late
when you let go
throw your fist first.
I need to quench this sadistic thirst.

I'm counting on this mind to open up
I am counting on this heart to not close shut.

my eyes are all  three strained,
and my spinal cord feels maimed

This light, this information you have given me
Why does it cause such strain on my body
Why do I grow weaker at first
just to shoot through the crown with a might burst.


What is this life to live for,
why have I never opened any doors
why have i always longed for something more.

In such silence I feel so full,
yet boredom creeps up under me
like desire for a whole new creation
and ripping tides my body wants to move my mind wants to think,
and when they can't decide which route to take,
I fear stagnation may spoil my cycles and death comes upon me.
Death Of the most treacherous kind where I'm trapped in my body,
trapped in my mind.
And why can't these archetypes know their own play,
yes why do they do that wich causes dismay.
And why am  i so powerless and where is my will. How fast is my time spinning and how long can I feel

You were like nothing I had seen an open window ready  for me to make my escape
i never thought i'd need an  easy way out , but I guess you only get what you can take.
I was always one for taking to much fun and not giving in to the things i'd done
but the things i'd do, I'd do for you and can I ask, if you would do them to.
You were like a door way out, but i was scared of the town we were in and i waver closely only to places i  had been. And some times a door left open is never used, despite the fact that the cat had the chance choose.  Was I the cat runing forth and back waiting for a chance to slip away unseen, cause my morales couldn't stand to be mean.
Would I be the one to hurt you as long as i didn't seem to. Would i be the one to take what wasn't mine. I couldn't be unkind, I couldn't be unkind.

Sour like grapes not quite ready to be borned.
And pityfull like a fetus not yet fully formed.
You break me like wire snaps under force.
and we wait until night to announce such divorce.

Bitter like acid under your finger nail
and you chew them unsuspectingly.
ANd I told you boy that I am not frail
Not in the sense, not to any degree.

But I am Weak and I am Insane
and I am gone,  and I've been lane
Out for all of you to see.

I never fit in to
those one size fits all
catagories.
I was always to slim
or to wide.
and sometimes while listening to music
i can see myself and feel myself.
expand, or contract
and its like, in each phase of life i go through,
I'm either expanding
or shrinking.
and I dont know if one is good and the other bad,
but i know its sensational,
not painful, not joyful
its real.