for the first time tonight, i danced..
i dont mean like i usually do every monday-sunday, i mean like i do when you sit on my bed and watch me, music loud enough that the neighbors could hear, and our eyes on each other.
for the first time tonight, i felt..
fifteen people in the room and all i could think of was you. i felt the music, like you used to tell me. i imagined you, like i always seem to do before i perform. and ill admit, i cried, because my body knows, my heart knows, you are supposed to be here.
for the first time tonight, i accepted..
things are different now, but i hope you are still happy. things are different now, but i still love you just as much, if not more.

what did we do?
where did we go wrong?
god, why did you let me throw it all away?
why didn't you stop me before it was too late?

why didn't i realize i was a fool before i lost the one thing that actually mattered? why didn't i stop and try to figure out how to love myself before trying to love someone else? why didn't i stop in the midst of the passion to ask myself what kind of person i was? why didn't i realize what this was doing to her before it was too late?

but she's gone now and i've lost the one thing that can't be bought. i've lost the one thing that can't be sold, that can't be found in the supermarket.

i've lost my spirit. she has it now and i'm not sure i want it back. because a spirit lost is a spirit changed and skewed and i'm scared to look at my naked spirit again. i'm scared of what i'll find, missing and scattered, tattered and torn amist this jar of hearts.

i've caught a cold from the ice inside my spirit and she's gone. she doesn't want me anymore. she doesn't even want my spirit but she doesn't have a choice, does she? once heartbroken, always heartbroken and the one who broke a spirit can't fix it, or so the story goes.

As I roam these empty halls
Wondering when the world will fall
I see your smile
And my day just got a little brighter