10...
My wife, my brothers
mom, dad
inhale

9...
That vacation at the beach
three, maybe four years ago
exhale

8...
Saying goodbye to a friend
not knowing it was the last
inhale

7...
My favorite song, country roads
hand swimming through the breeze
exhale

6...
Do I forgive what you've done?
should I forgive, should I forget?
inhale

5...
Sweat beads on my brow
I turn to my brothers
exhale

4...
My hands are numb
knuckles white
inhale

3...
seconds roll like thick honey
do I want this?
exhale

2...
Dear God...
guide us...
inhale

1...
Our last fight...
Our first kiss...
exhale...

Lift Off.

These shoulders do not cry out
from the weight of the world
they ache in silence
from the weight of my soul

I carry the burden of sympathy
I gnash my teeth
I grin and bear it
all the while you ne're forget

what it must be
to live simplistically
the weight rolls off
and in jubilee you have forgot

the meaning of life
and sacrifice
what once was love
becomes a vice

unburden yourself of expectation
this selflessness nears expiration
furling your brow and struggle for leverage
try as you might the weight is not average

and in your final act of courage
you stand up straight
you carry the weight

because if not you
then who?

our past is the foundation of our future
our deeds, creeds and regrets
shaping who we are
never quite atoning
always honing our desires

in the present looking back
the fog grows thick
losing track of who we are
and who we want to be

nostalgic poison coursing
through the man, always cursing
the day the world turned grey
the fog is suffocating

a dim light breaks, glowing
through the mist, ever growing
redemption is within sight
God help preserve this light.

shine a light on me
make sure it's bright
it's cold inside and black as night

watching you walk away
for the last time, every day
the image burned, a stain

years pass
time fades
the scrapbook in my mind
tattered, all but dust

what once was solid ground
now sand, all consuming
into the abyss, a bridge-less nothing

a flutter of anticipation
my broken faith needs exhumation
and in this act of humiliation
you hold the key to my elation

my past is lost
you light my way
in your embrace
I find my home.

Today may change tomorrow, but once its gone
tomorrow may only look back in sorrow
that the choices we made were faint and hollow
as we leave this moment, it shall forever follow
like a shadow, dark and lingering
a faded, altered memory
time will wash over the stain
but you will never be the same
twisting... turning in the night
the thought still churning in the mind
of what was and is and could have been
this folly tale that lives within.

A constant blare
blurring the view
the static sound
a soft hush

it lulls the hope of happiness
a scratching
deep within the mind
shhhhh....

a rapping
inviting me to the other side
where fear and shame are left behind
shhhh....

who am I?
is this what I've become?
an empty husk
of lies and doubt
shhhh....

I wish the static would drown this out
It destroys everything but regret
please forgive me
shhhh....

The sound so staggering
leaves me weary
in time the static is comforting

replacing incredulity
in time it's quite clear to see
the other side was meant for me




shhhh....

A force of nature, the winds of change
we hope for its benevolence
we mourn its loss
how alive are the trees as they dance
to the whispers of their mother
how alive I feel as you breathe life
within dying dreams
as fierce as revenge
as soft as a kiss
this brisk gale brings us
to the beginning of another end

It is not obtaining our wants that we desire
It is the chase
It is our right to pursue happiness
Always just out of   reach

When we have what we want
We want more
Never enough, a bluff
Of modesty, honestly
There's just to much
To leave well enough
Alone

You've accomplished your goals
Now what
The moss grows
In the alcoves

Desires thrive
You don't let go
It's only there for a time
What we all know
Nobody makes it out alive

Mr. Grey melts my cares away
learn to take the time and say
"I love you"

A true and loyal friend is he
Mr. Grey reveals to me
all that I wish to be
far away
me and my cup of tea

Never asked for more
than what I'm destined for
Maybe that's too much
out of reach and out of touch

Sitting here, sipping on
another day has come and gone
swept away in the monotony
maybe it was never meant to be

Mr. Grey you take the time
to warm my bones and clear my mind
leave me feeling so sublime
until the day when I want more
I'll just sit here by the door...

Never learned how to live without this cloud in my head
Got a script for the doctor, tells me how to live
Never wrong, never right, why is everything a fight
All work, no play its the same every day, every day, every day, like its Groundhog Day
Need a break from the monotony its gotten me
Twisted in the head like a knot
About to trip and drop
Spiraling
Never asked for help, now that's a fallacy
Honestly, on my hands and knees for someone listening
But when I look into the sky I start to daydream
Head in the clouds, I make distance from the screams, hiding behind my dreams while I leave them only as dreams its easy to see Why
When we die there might as well be nothing
We can't treat eachother right here
When right here
And now
Is all that really matters