not quite the beginning
but not the conclusive ending
there is no dramatic sadness
nor joyful champions

this is the hedges of the story
not included in the final manuscript
left out and scratched off
for this is neither interesting nor satisfying

i've yet to break out of my shell
i've yet to know who i am
i've yet to find a purpose

yet i've died a million times
rebirthed into a vacuous cocoon
wrapped, trapped, in restraints

i've yet to break
i've yet to live
i've yet to love

yet you have lost me too many times
you've yet to know me
you've yet to love me

you've yet to accept me
yet you say you love me,
trapped
but i've yet to find my own strength
and once i do -
i will break out
i will live
i will love
i will be.

chip, chip, chop
goes the woodpecker
gnawing at the plank
till it hits the core

chip, chip, chop
it gets closer and closer
pecking at high speed
till the exterior crumbles

chip, chip, chop
grasping for breath,
removing what’s unnecessary
till the hardened truth is out

chip, chip, chop
how can you live like this?
when is enough enough? when is it time?
till you drop dead in the middle of the night?

i’m addicted to the intimacy of closeness,
but i detest the limitations of closeness.

i’m addicted to the freedom of openness,
but i detest the infinity of openness.

all my hopes and dreams
from yesterday remind me of
my young innocence

possibilities
staring directly at me
teasing, mocking me

now i chose a path
i long to turn back around
to see the what-ifs

the sky opens up to the endless infinity,
clean, serene and spacious.

     to look up and see openness,
     leaves oneself a sense of relief.
     the worries and fears become air
     and travels up, up, and up to nothingness.
     till vacuum is all that is left.

     a manmade deity that is omniscient and transparent,
     who fulfills to his promise to be always there for you;
     in happiness and sorrow, and in victory and defeat.

     great big matter, so boundless, continual, and colossal,
     with every piece, a unique wonder;
     with every imperfections, a flawless marvel;
     remind you of your components akin to
     the matter that makes the sun.

the sky opens up to the endless infinity,
clean, serene, and spacious.