I'd never do you wrong
But I can't do you right
I struggle to understand things
And I might, be better off alone
Who knows?
Perhaps we're great together

As if I'm the whiskey and
You're a fine cigar
Individually enjoyable
Together we're great
But we're both cancerous and
One of us ruins lives

A weight pushes my head down
impossible to keep it up
how I wish it sat on
my shoulders instead
whilst my knees would bend
I would still be able to see
the road ahead of me

Now I stumble and fall
graze a knee or
get dirt stuck in my palms
reminders at the end of the road
that I struggled to be where I am
but where is this cesspit
in which I always find myself?
was it worth it?

In hopes I rise
and in reality fall
I set out in earnest
and I end up here
in the realms of failure
darkened by the clouds
of my shortcomings

If I can keep this short
and sweet I will.
I love you gorgeous.
I mean,
you'd hope so wouldn't you?
It'd be hard not to love you.
You've built me up from nothing.
Time and time again.
When I'm not my best,
when I'm feeling stressed.
When I'm lost,
when I can't eat,
when I'm vexed.
It's a true test
of dedication.
No, a testiment
to devotion and love.

We may have fell out before
but we never fell out of love.
Maybe you thought you did.
Or thought I would.
Yet we always find a way
back to eachother.
I just wish we didn't have to.
I so truly wish
you didn't have to walk
a different path to find
it was taking you in
the wrong direction.

I'll always take you in though.
Direct you to my heart
because that's where you belong.
You always said I'm home.
I never want you to be homeless.
Just say you're coming home.
I want the words to give me life.

You see,
breathing isn't breathing
without you.
Living isn't living
without you.
And sleeping isn't sleeping
without you.
I haven't felt much in a long time.
But I always feel you inside.
You guide me
when I'm feeling blind.
Even when you're not mine.

I sincerely hope
You never felt like
Your love me for was
Not reciprocated

I wish I gave you
Everything that
You gave me but
I saw life distorted

My own I plans thwarted
I wonder if when love dies
Can you restore it?
When love runs it's course
Can you ignore it?

The feelings weren't mutal
Seems like in the end
You felt differently about me
No longer could you pretend
Remember what you said?

You broke my heart once
But never again?
You got me back in August
A month later you're finished
And I recall that I saw this

My dreams wake me early
Every single morning now
Heartbreak breaking a cycle
But I'm in mourning now
Feeling empty as my bedside

Wondering if of any of the drinks
And shots you've had since
If you've dedicated one to us
And all of the little things
That we shared together

Never been ashamed to admit
That losing you was
Losing more than love
I lost the one that knows me best
I lost one of my closest friends

Losing you feels like I lost my place
I still keep the pictures of us up
Just so I can see your face
And maybe I'm strange but
No one sees them anyway

I was me before we wrote our chapter
It hurts that you think I've changed
But I'm still me the page right after
If you still don't believe that
Or just can't see it right now

Remember that the Finley you met
The one you fell in love with then
Still loves you just as much
And misses you so very dearly
But don't worry about me, I'll be ok

Reading this poem I hope
That you can hear me
Because I speak sincerely
I always felt your love
I hope you felt it back

Love can be cold
Without reciprocation
That's why I carry guilt
My certain lack of dedication
You tried in everything

I just lost my patience
Got sick, went numb
Or gave in to  
Depressions deprivation
Like I said, don't worry

Powerful force that can push
and pull
erode men made from stone
make heartless creatures feel
set fire to the oldest structures
family homes and baby pictures
peel the hearts skin
the love for lovers, friends and kin

The fields of love, vast and abundant
with tenderness, trust and care
they can yield families and soul mates
friends for life, stories too

Powerful force that can lift
and set down
make weak men strong
and strong women weak
flutter hearts that rarely beat
build new homes and rest the weary
play sweet songs on old heart strings
the love for lovers, friends and kin

I miss you,
even though you're still around
we're not how we were before
I sleep on the couch now but that's alright
from here I can watch the door
on this couch I make no sound
but I'd rather sleep on our floor
to hear you breathe and roll about
and wonder of what you dream
I've buried my cries deep down for now
something that's harder than it seems

It's strange,
even now we share this roof
it shelters us from storms
but what can shelter us from truth?
that true love can surely die
this house was a home some weeks ago
the proof always catches my eye
a sign above the stairs I hung
it reads;
"This is our happy place"

I want to be remembered
not for my love
or for my nature
not for my criticism
or for my grievances

I want to be remembered
when I am but a memory
not as a headstone  
or ashes settled in an urn
not as a relic in the mind
of someone who loved me
or loves me still

I want to be remembered
for my poetry
even though it is not the best
nothing else seems noteworthy
unless I am to be remembered
as a friend, son and brother
everything else lacks significance

Fifty-nine unread messages;
my heart, stuck in my throat
as I search for ways to live

I breathe no longer,
this heart beats faint

Thoughts are scattered to the wind
my voice is only ash now
falling gently on to deaf ears

The nightmares of late
Are the worst I've had
Sweating, screaming
Puking, bleeding
Begging and pleading
Trying to tell me something
I haven't slept well since
She decided she doesn't
Want me anymore
Strange, only a few weeks
Ago we wanted to spend
The rest of our time together

I can honestly say
I have never felt so unloved
I have never felt so unwanted
Never would I have ever
Imagined that she'd be the one
To make me feel this way
I still wear the ring she bought
I've never received such
A beautiful and meaningful gift
Now it serves me as a reminder
I just don't quite know
What it is a reminder for

So profound,
So full of love and sadness
Happiness and heartbreak
Peacefulness and stress
I don't want to go home
Feeling like I've lost it
So much regret there
Feel like there's nothing
Since she was my home

How can I
fix myself
if I am not
broken
if I am not
but
when all I see
is
broken things
put back together
with
string and
chewing gum
all things
thrown out
discarded
by
functioning
people

Not fully operational
not firing on all cylinders
not running efficiently
not broken

*Return to sender
or claim your
free service
today
put the life back
in your body
but be quick about it
lest you seize up
and be rendered
broken

I just crashed
I just burned
Thinking all this time
I never learned
This time I saw my life
Flash before my eyes
It got me thinking
Thinking about you
How you're the one
I think of when times get hard
A sour day turns so sweet
When I see you
When we finally meet
We work so hard
Long days and weeks
You're a saviour
My Jesus H Christ

Oh Jesus,
I thought about you again
Happiness,
Happiness,
Joys and delights
My angel my sweetheart
I'd give anything for you
And I do,
I do, I do, I do
The words I wish to hear
When spending the rest of my life
With you, with you, with you
It could come true, I do, I do
I'd live a life for you
I already think I do
For you, for you, for you

life shouldn't be like this
we all live inside of ourselves
unable to see past the blinds
in our minds that are shut eyes

well

a friend opened my eyes
made me take a good look at myself
all this time I've been thinking
I had to get the last word in
out of principle
I had to get my point across
because it was righteous

little did I know it was pride
the sickness of mankind
the sickness that leaves us blind
to this toxic state of mind
that fuels our ego
and little did he know
I had been suffering until I let go

I don't want in poetry
Rather,
I have a need for words
To understand how I feel
To help you understand
My inner workings
I reflect on myself
Learn and better myself
Heart wrenching stories
From my past
Can't creep up on me
Or take me by surprise
When I review them daily
Weekly,
Monthly,
Yearly,
To better ourselves
We write
To share our angst
We write
To show that we love
We write
To feel someone else
Intimately
To touch the very soul
Of someone we have never met
To cry on their shoulders
To rejoice in happiness
Together

We read

I guess you were wrong then.
Habitual comfort space
That's my bed,
That's my head,
That was our space.
Been feeling lazy for days.
Been feeling lost and babe,
Our last moments together
Seem to be just a haze.

Every song you listened to
Haunts me '*** now I listen too.
You said it babe,
I guess I must be torturing myself.
Seems like everytime you leave
Is a time I really get to feel myself.
Try to focus on me without you
Except we've been growing
For two years so
I don't really see much else.

You said I've never really been alone.
Maybe it's just high time
I took some time to focus on a life
That's mine and no one else's.
You made me feel selfish by
Telling me that I was selfless.
That's the power that your words
Have over me and I'd say
That I hope you're feeling helpless
But I'd be lying.

The world doesn't owe me anything!
Not a single thing.
I've experienced almost all the joys
That love could bring.
That's down to you and
I'm forever grateful.
Your love is the love I'll be thinking
About when I'm fourty and regretful.
A lot of things I did were distasteful,
Outright outrageous and despicable.
I said on the phone I had few regrets.

Well I lied because there's plenty.
The way I treated you when
I was feeling nothing but empty.
Numbness is a terrible thing
I know you've felt it.
I told you I loved you and I know,
You know I meant it.
When you were in the hospital
I should have been there and
I'm ashamed of myself for that.
If I could change the past perhaps
We'd still be on track.

In hindsight I saw this coming.
The fact that I needed reassuring
And promising that you wouldn't
Just up and leave was a sign.
I made you make me promises
That you couldn't keep and
I wonder if I kept all of mine.
I'm trying not to take the blame here.
Hell,  you never placed it on me.

I'm the poet that writes you letters.
When you need a rock I'm the man
That can only give you feathers.
I'm your one true love, I'm gone.
I'm a contradiction, I'm here forever.
The strangest book you ever read.
I'm feeding off of you even now.
Always feeding when I'm feeling dead.
Your love is my only comfort food.
Firmly believe you deserve better.
Wishing the facts made it easier.

You think
I've never really been alone?
Oh darling,
I was always alone until I met you.
I've been searching for you
Since I was sixteen.
Made my mind up the minute we met.
Continued to lie to myself
Just one more small regret.
Thought I wasn't done with my ex
The ***** was killing me but
Somehow I felt I wasn't ready yet.
Just friends yeah?
Oh, **** me now.
What a fool I was.

Find a girl
that makes you feel weird.
One that makes you do
really strange things.
The kind of beauty
that has you feeling so
hazy after morning ***  
you put milk in the bowl
before your cereal.

Now that's something.

Scorched spoons,
moldy prunes,
***** needles,
miserable people.

Shadows shimmer,
street lights flicker,
hits come quicker
getting bigger

-and bigger still.
My speed diminishes
in shallow water
slower but taller.

Like a tsunami
of misery
and addiction's
a mystery.

To those content
on life alone.
Forever alone
and I grow, I grow.

Throw a stone,
don't skim,
just throw.
Plunge in to the depths.

Recycled ambition
cries over and over
at the little things
it has never even met.

Regret me now.
Purchase an old
prune looking
far from its best.

A mood swing,
a swing mood,
something sweet
and fun.

Like childhood memories,
the joy they bring
forever growing older
and I sing, I sing.

I'd like to take this moment
to appreciate my flaws.
Feeling good about myself
laying on the bathroom floor.
Sipping on cough syrup
god knows I'm feeling ill
but I ain't got a cough.
Emotions feeling real as ****
then maybe I'm just soft.

Loneliness is a terrible feeling
surrounded by people
but it's comfort you're seeking.
My dad's a plumber;
"Hey dad my eyes are leaking
could you fix me up quick?"
Thinking about holding her
in the ocean makes me sick.
Not because it happened
because it won't happen again.

It's been seven days since you left.
The music keeps getting louder.
Dreams of getting locked up for theft.
Now I'm sniffing powders.
Is this the sign of a problem?
'*** usually I just dodge them.
**** feel sick.
Heaven sent you down to me
Hell picked you up quick.

Should probably be revising
or spending time with her
bettering myself or something
along those lines
and maybe just rehearse
the same old story
albeit a little bit boring
the truth
feeling a shy sense of lonely
I should better my bank account
do some overtime
and sometimes
I think I should be closing blinds
crawling back in to my mind space
laying in bed thinking;
why am I such a **** waste
a lack of feeling
a lack of fun
a lack of taste
forever feeling misplaced
forever missing the old days
forever failing to take shape
it's like life is picking up the pace
and I'm forever stuck in the same place
searching for the will to live
but there's none spare
a lack of preparation always
leads to being unprepared
but I never learn my lesson
always finding another distraction
my attention span just a fraction
of what it used to be
and if I ever had faith I'm losing it
as far as I can see
and yes it's that same old story
I should probably be bettering myself
but I just keep writing sorry poetry

There's only one thing
that's on my mind
but it's not what you think
oh, how the heart does sink

Just one more amitriptyline
and then I'll be dead
at least from the neck up
a perfect slumber,
forever restful
a perfect slumber,
never stressful

See,
I know what it feels like
to be barely twenty-three
going on forty-six
walking over hot coals
sleeping on sticks

So I throw stones
to break bones
and creative havoc
to feel something else
something other than
this pain I've carried
for too, *******, long

With the weight of twelve bricks
on my head its
nigh on impossible
and it hurts my neck
to look to the future
in a positive light

Yeah,
we're all getting older
and yes, I know
that I'm still young
because I remind myself
of this all too often

See,
I'm surely too young to
feel this way and
I'm surely too numb to
see it another way

I don't see anything
I only feel everything
the good, the bad
and all the tragedy in-between
I never dreamed I'd know
what it feels like to be born
a bird with clipped wings

Happiness is synthesized
and if that's a crime
then I guess I'm crooked
but I'm always looking
for a way out
so if you won't let me in
then I stay out
I feel I'm down
and I'm definitely out
so I guess I should pray now

Forgive me mother, for I have binged
My head has all but come unhinged
And since my head's too f*ed for quarrels,
My heart and liver wage war on morals

Today is going pretty well
But I won't cheer yet
Swell and smooth so far
But I won't hold my breath
Premature celebrations
Tend to be premature

I know a lot of words I don't use
People think I'm a bore
It's hard to understand why I have less
It's selfish to think that I deserve more
I'd be the apple of your eye I bet
If I could go without a shred of regret
Just know that baby I'm rotten to the core

Life fades in and life fades out
The same could be said for love and baby
Loving's what I'm all about
I have good days in, I have bad nights out
I'm in love with you of that I never doubt
If I could find my feet and disperse this
Awful cloud, then you could find my heart
But it's lost, of that I'm not proud

If I could try success I'd bet it tastes
Sugar sweet, I'd have my own pie
And everyone could have a piece
I suppose I never looked at it this way
My sugar queen, you can be my success
I can be your feet, you can be the ground
That holds me steady, sharing all
Our blessings the world wouldn't be ready
And they would say that we are few
And that they are the better many
But it's not a competition and
As kids we learnt not to be petty

Today was going pretty well
But I cheered to soon
I was put straight through hell
Now what am I going to do
I'll close my eyes think of better times
Of chasing success with you

When you hear
a song that makes
all the others
by the same artist
sound like pretentious
bombastic ****.
Incoherent at best.
That's what you get
when a talented artist
is forced to produce
something for clubs.
It lacks soul and emotion.
It's only heard and not felt.

I guess I was too slow
I guess I'm too late
at the time, didn't care
I guess I wasn't awake
a dream, a fading reality
it passes with sleep
memories forever
moments you can't keep

I am in such an incredible
Amount of pain and
I know that only I'm to blame
I should have known
You could never love me
The way I thought you did
I keep trying to remember
Our last kiss, ****
If I'd have known
It was the last I would
Have savoured it, ****
Now I'm stuck in limbo
Feeling messed up
I know that you know
You hurt me badly
I will never recover
How can you be so
Indifferent right now
You said hot and cold
I think it's bipolar

Never would I ever
have imagined the weather
could affect the motion
in our ocean
after all
we set out
on our own expedition
to undisclosed locations
discovered uncharted emotions
sourced somewhere
between head and heart
we provided the water
used our own salt
and refused to part
we created something
something heavy
something light
adventurers at sea
turned gods of love
we'd make wild birds sing
who'd of thought
we'd be at the mercy
of natural things

Are you happy?
I wish I had
the distractions at
my disposal
that you have
at yours.

That's all everything is now.
Distractions and reminders.
I guess I should have known.
You were young when we met.
You've just grown I bet.

Distract, attract, post-regret.
Crying for my desires,
lighting a cigarette.
Jack Daniel's tears and
countless hours reading texts.

In my heart I know
you'll always love me.
I feel guilty at times
hoping it kills you slowly.
I'm dying inside and you're
not even lonely.

Going through your facebook
pictures became an issue.
Never thought I'd grieve
only thought I'd miss you.
Tonight a piece of me is missing.
I just want to hold you.

This sting,
this grief of love lost.
Penetrates my bones,
It sets my balance off.
And I told you I care!
I always cared.
I should have been there.

Read this and beware,
I can't hold on forever.
I'll be gone and living
better than ever, wishing
I gave you back your
******* sweater.

Oh, won't you just pick me up?
I have fallen only just out of reach
you can help me at a stretch
not much further you're nearly there
****,
a gust of sadness has rolled me over

Oh, won't you just pick me up?
I have slumped over my table
intoxicated unable to find the strength
too busy laughing at my stupidity
but you can still help me at a stretch

Oh, would I just shut up?
we've all just about heard enough
of my sorry, lazy and weak poetry
funny that,
I bet it could help me at a stretch

finding your rock
scratching the surface
attempting to make contact
inside is life
life is inside
breaking even
evenly breaking
assessing
assessing
recalibrating
attempting to find
essence of interest
interest found
inside
life is inside
inside
inside is life

I flip a coin
Heads and I walk out
Tails and I stay

The coin lands on it's edge
Just my luck
Another decision

I hate decisions
Though I'll admit
Not as much as I hate change

What a load of ****.
He said it best
Describing the world as if
He wore a heart shaped vest
Oh lord,
So vast, this plane of minerals
Alas!
Existence.
Rejoice
Rejoice
Rejoice

There's nothing like defeat
the feeling of failure
slowly washing over you
then suddenly you're crushed
under a wave of realisation
it's over, you lost this one
then you get up
despite the fact your legs are broken
thinking you've got this
only to flop
fall flat on your face
break your bones twice
and prolong your suffering
because you wouldn't give up the fight

Was gone, I was.
Drifting and lovesick.
A turning point for me.
Dreams of my beloved
serving as some two-bit *****.
Down on her knees
on other men's floors.
Non-slip, vinyl,
carpet and tiles.
Any surface to rest her
burdens a while.

See, she can ****
and **** them, physically.
She's okay with that.
As all the while she's
mentally ******* me.
In a sick and twisted way.
I guess that's okay.
As I get physically,
and mentally stronger
every ******* day.
In almost every, *******, way.

I'm thinking about us
every time you gently touch my hand
then look at me with soft loving eyes
glistening in the light as you ask me
"do you love me?"
you know that I do
but it's nice when you ask because
I get to tell you

"I love you more than anything,
you mean the world to me."

You know that's exactly what I'll say
but it's nice for you to hear and
it's so nice of you to ask
I love to tell you I love you
I fall short of words sometimes
except for when you ask because
I'm always good when you prompt me

The expectation is
everything should be easier
when you're in love
the reality is quite the opposite
but that's ok because love drives us
it drives us mad and around the bend
but it always seems worth it in the end
loving you has kept me going
and kept me strong for so long
even when I felt weak and out of place

It's always hardest when it's over
memories become haunting and
painful but in the most beautiful
reassuring way because it was
all ok at some point in time
a constant reminder that it could
be all ok once again, given time

It's alright to ask me if I still love you
the answer will always be
a resounding; "yes"
because I love you more than anything, you mean the world me
I only wish you would ask me again
but you know it to be true
that this love is too painful
and too much for me and you

I just caught a glimpse of something in the mirror
And I could have sworn I saw a man
that gave everything to not giving up
But didn't give enough
Not down on his luck
But a man that was still reeling in his pain
when the line got stuck

That's tough...

Anyway, did you know that astronomers believe that there is a supermassive black hole at the centre of every galaxy in the universe? Including our own.

Neat huh?

It's just a chance,
luck if you will
nurtured free
or raised in shackles
loved by family
or pestered by keeper
kept in the dark
or brought to light
being born is
a chance at luck

If music was life,
a genre, a topic
or even a type
I'd be the alternative
sort of a last resort
and I won't see no light
at the end of the tunnel
my life, my brain it's in a muddle
every step is taken in a puddle
of loneliness, hate, misery or ****

I'm not easy not one little bit

Trying to fill the void
by whatever means necessary
I guess in hindsight I can see
I wasn't even nearly ready
leaving a part of me behind
even the gentle memories
running through my mind
they can't comfort me
they don't feel too kind
I need music to help me unwind
but every song I play I've listened to
with you before at least a dozen times


I guess there's filling a void
then there's losing a limb
couldn't be better without you
admittedly I went out on a whim
forgot youth was for living
forgot I was made for loving
I slowly became numb
I slowly felt next to nothing
when I was crying my eyes out
sat directly next to something
my someone, my only something
so the walls I've built are crumbling
'*** I was made for loving


So I really do drink more
when I'm sad you were right
...guess you were right
I should have paid more attention
I wish I text you day and night
so it's over now, I said it's over now
and it was mutual so I suppose
that makes it easier somehow
except it really doesn't
and I'm not proud to say I'm weak
but I know what you get up to
at the end of the week
playing hard looking good
and behaving probably as
a young girl should
and I'll try not to get jealous


I'd never act out of jealousy
I love you too much
and love is the remedy
can't stop crying, the memories
a photo of us sits next to me
I really miss you texting me
I miss not waking you up for naps
so I could watch you sleep
I'm another can down not even
thinking about going to sleep
and the night just gets more deep
I guess love is like that mountain
the one we rode down in Greece
the way up is always nice
but going down it's more steep