I threw open the knife drawer
seething not defiance but resignation,
A thread within me prayed softly
She would say "stop! I was only playing"
but no, she just cackled,
slammed it shut and said "get out.
do it outside, I don't want to wipe up
the mess that spills out"
It was quick, my story ends,
this is where my blood falls;
learned helplessness, the psychology
of being backed up to the wall

A chilly and crisp Thursday night
I rolled out the two garbage bins
I set them alongside the sidewalk
Broke the silence with their thundering din

A tough week, a tough month, a tough lifetime
I sit down on the curb and I sigh
The cold stops its journey within me
I look up and stare at the sky

And there, on the blackness, that infinite canvas
The moon looms, an orb of sharp white
I think of her staring off through her window
Is the moon that I see in her sight

I can't believe that I fell for your best friend
You're exactly the girl that I want
You meet every **** expectation
You're cute and adorably lost

It's like God sent me a test forged in heaven
Here's a nice girl, she kind of digs you
Now here's her hot friend, she's easy
Come now, you know who to choose

Well I let you down, didn't I, I'm sorry
My brain's not all there when I'm dumb
I suppose my grades don't really speak volume
That's why mom says I'm a destined ***

Even when you explicitly told me
That you reached out to set us in motion
It went over my head, flew through both ears
I'm not all that good with emotion

Now you're off with that mister, that fellow
I won't diss him, he landed my catch
I do think you'd be happier with me though
But I blew it, I'll get in line, last.

The system wants to stop me
But it harps on "you do you"
They say do what you love
Set your sights on the moon above

And alas, should you miss the moon,
You will land among the stars
But what's that worth if I land among them
And I still can't hide my scars

I don't want cuts, I don't want burns
I want to seize the life that I yearn
But every corner's a dead end, a no place
Only choice is a path with no turns

So my favorite time of the day turns to sleeping
Behind closed eyelids is where I can see
The life that I want and shall work for
I will make my dreams reality