i barricaded the gates of sound
and for a moment
just a moment
all was calm
all was gone
nothing ceased to exist
and in that moment
death felt closer and friendlier
than it ever had before

"hey" you text me
so casual
so calm
but even before a hurricane
the sun still shines
i read that you have someone new
someone real
someone there
my heart launches into space
desperately attempting to escape the pain
but pain travels at the speed of light
and my heart is not nearly fast enough
"it's okay" i tell you
because i understand
i really do
that one cannot control whom they love

although we never 'made it official'
i still felt as though we somewhat were
but when he came into your life
suddenly his name was in your beginning page
yet mine had never been
and in your book you wrote
that he made you "the happiest you'd ever been"
yet i was never in your book
sometimes i feel as though you were ashamed of me
although i know it isn't true

the day you told me
i almost couldn't stand it
for days i sat in sorrow
looking into oblivion with a vacant stare
i wanted to cry
and some days i did
but my mind has a way of protecting me
and it stopped my emotions before they got too bad
so now i just sit and feel fine
or feel nothing
what is the difference anyway

quicK
                                       before you click too mucH
                for they can disturb with slightest toucH
                 for they can see everything you thinK
                 and they control anything you drinK
                     they need you to “try your besT”
              so they can make you pass the tesT
               the test that leads you to your lifE
               the test behind you with a knifE
                       so you can finally be freE
                   listen to these simple threE
ruleS
                                       number onE
                                       stay in linE
             listen to their selfish crimE
            listen to the way they saY
                   it’ll be a happy daY

                                         number twO
                                  don’t complaiN
        or it just might cause you paiN
             or it just might be the daY
        you would never see agaiN

                                      number threE
                                     pass the tesT
        so you can finally be the besT
       based upon the way that yoU
                          pay attention tO
these lieS

I Am A Teenager
mY moutH iS A fauceT
My Mind Is A Different Somebody
whO I havE yeT tO meeT
I Strive To Succeed
iT striveS tO faiL
I Strive To Work Hard
iT striveS tO givE iN
I Strive To Be Who I Want To Be
anD alL thaT minD oF minE doeS
Is Stop Me

I Am A Teenager
yeS I spenD alL daY oN mY phonE
But No It’s Not Because I’m Texting My Friends
it’S noT becausE i’M ignorinG yoU
I’m Just Trying To Distract Myself
froM thE constanT paiN piercinG mY thoughtS
Letting Me Believe That I Won’t Make It
Past Graduation
lettinG mE believE thaT lovinG myselF
isn’T possiblE
I Try To Stop These Thoughts And Move Forward
anD alL thaT minD oF minE doeS
Is Stop Me

I Am A Teenager
starvinG foR acceptioN
Dehydrated Of Happiness
mY motheR
Holding Cake And Water
buT noT carinG foR mE
For Fear Of Too Many Calories
anD noT wantinG tO triP anD falL
I Beg For Her Truthfulness
anD alL thaT minD oF herS doeS
Is Stop Her

I did not know if she’d be alive,
The next time I would speak to her,
Yet all I did was laugh.
Because of my sickened mind.

“Why are you laughing?” they ask.
I don’t know. I just am.
I don’t feel much emotion.
I feel fear, anxiety, anger, and every once in awhile,
I taste a bit of what I used to call happiness.
But that’s not too common anymore.

O neverending shadowed abyss,
O gloomy depth of nothing,
What do you want from me?
Do you plan to shred me,
From my last chance of hope?
Or do you believe, as I do, that it’s already forever gone?
O darkened soul,
Sadly, I believe you are right.

Please don’t cry little one.
I see the worry on your face.
Who ever has done this.
They are a disgrace.
To have caused you so much pain.
Your precious eyes settle in fear.
They tell me to stay away from the tears.
But I won’t leave
No matter what.
I will stand by you.
Through thick and thin.
For you are my one and only kin.
So please don’t cry little one.

im sitting here
knife in my chest
crying out in pain
im not sure i can take this

im sitting here
wondering what
i did wrong
tears roll down my face

youre sitting there
hidden from my sight
not leaving your shell
and keeping to yourself

this knife in my heart
is twisting and turning
i sob through the pain
for there is nothing i can do

that day
when the sun shined through my curtains
and the birds chirped
it seemed like any other day
that day
when i sat in the car
riding towards my friends house
it seemed like any other time
that day
when you messaged me
telling me how you felt
everything stopped
that day was not like any other day

her beauty
controlled the sun itself
for with every smile that shaped from her mouth
came a new ray of light from the atmosphere
her lips
released pure gold
for with every word which was spoken
your ears would squeal with delight
her eyes
gifted your soul
for with every look she gave you
your heart would swell larger than the universe
her everything
was perfect
yet i pushed it away
within my desperateness
goodbye to her

Stop
Don't do this to yourself
The more pills you take
The shorter you live
I cant live through this life
If you leave me here

You're ruining your body with these petty meds
They take away a part of you that I need most
Your emotions are what matter
But you are throwing them away like paper plates
So stop
Because you're the only one that can stop you
And I can't sit back and watch you slowly **** any longer

i've fallen into love
it engulfs every inch of my body
i feel it with every atom of me
its irreplaceable

shes told me she loved me
i thought it was true
she says she lied
im not sure what to believe

shes fallen out of love
if was ever there in the beginning
she tells me shes not ready
to talk about what happened

shes running far from me
i wish i had a chance
because i still love her
with all of my heart

Spirals in my lungs.
Like vultures in the sky.
Trying not to fall.
Like grasping onto air.
You stand and watch.
But that's okay.
Because I want to fall.
Falling makes me happy.
Falling gives me hope.
I need to fall.
Fall in love with you.