I know you are tired of all the drama especially when they came from me so I decided to just write you a letter you won't even read. (but you probably will on your birthday)
It has been more than two years yet you still cross my mind. There are days that I really wanted to know if you are doing well or not. I just can't bring myself to text you because I don't want to prolong any hurt I have caused. I don't want to put you either in so much burden.
I could still vividly remember the day we broke up. I don't know why, I just do. I remember how much I was trying to keep myself together that day because the person who never gave up on me, already did. I can't blame you, I understand.
I could also remember the day after that. I remember how much I cried to God to take care of you and wherever you are you'll be just fine. I remember the first week of it when everybody asked what are you doing and all I could tell them is “I don't know, we're not together anymore” as tears fall to my eyes.
I still have the first post it you gave me.
The wallet. The letters. The pictures we both took together. I still have lots of good memories of those so I keep them.
You were my first in almost everything. My first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first person, the first person who made me feel like I am one in a million, the first boyfriend I told my parents of. The first person I've hurt so much.
It's so stupid of me to still remember these things after two years. I may not be your first heartbreak but you were mine. The thing is, it was me who caused me my heartbreak.
I'm sorry for putting you in agony because I was selfish. I deeply apologize for the things I've done to hurt you. I'm sorry for everything I have done wrong towards you. I'm sorry I messed us up.
However I want to say,
Thank you for taking care of me and never leaving me all by myself when I was too wrecked.
Thank you for your patience and endurance to deal with a ******* up like me.
Thank you for the love and support you gave me.
Thank you for making me feel important.
Thank you because you made me experience what being in love was.
Thank you for taking good care of my heart.
It remained whole and hopeful.
Thank you for being my first, I would not have it any other way.
You are one of those people who have a big heart. You deserve all the love you give. You are also one in a million. Just like a beautiful star billions of people could look at but only one can name and claim you.
I hope you are okay. I pray to God that if not, you will be someday. You are in my prayers and you will remain to be.
I'll end it here, goodbye and hope you are in a better place my first human love.
a very advance happy birthday, thank you for the time you spent with me. I will always be on your side cheering for you from afar.