I broke I let go Not like I could control it
it just happened my breathing quickened my heart sped up my mind was buzzing and tears came uncontrollably
I held them in too long, my feelings they're coming out
violently, destructively, and with out notice.
Im a prisoner of my own contentious now
Every cruel word becomes more true the more i say it.
but i dont care. its about time I lost it
it was bound to happen at some point
Im oddly thrilled, excited to destroy myself.
Its exhilarating the way my body goes fully numb afterwords
My daily Novocaine the calm after the storm
yes, i find my pain beautiful in a way i cant fully explain
dont feel its not really there. it wont ever go away.

please.
lets lie in bed and dream
of other universes
where we are still happy.