I always tell the truth
     Every moment of the day
I always write what I'm feeling
     And what I really wanna say
I don't ever let myself get walked on
     Or abused or put through pain
I never hide my face with sunglasses
     Or let my tears fall silently like rain
I've never gone back to a man whos cheated
     Or beat me or made me feel less than nothing
I've never based my opinions of others on my past
     Or cut myself so I could at least feel something
I'm never gonna make another mistake
    Or fail or treat someone unkind
I've always thought I was worth more than others think
    And I've never lost my mind

Alright, alright fine.

I guess maybe I over reacted a little bit

I mean, I suppose it's not as though we were dating, just flirting

Flirting is a very different thing. No commitment.

It's not like you broke any promises

I guess that if I had thought that I had a chance with someone I had convinced myself I loved for a long time, I would probably have done the same thing

I'm still ****** of course, don't get me wrong

I still want to hurt you

I still hate you with every ounce of my being

I still have reason to blame you

Don't get me wrong on that.

I still blame you, and have every right to

However,

I suppose

Maybe

I don't loathe you anymore

I guess I have re-examined and a lot of it was in my head

I made up a lot and mistook lots of what you said

I'm not saying I don't believe I had every right to react negatively

But I guess I'll admit, I overreacted.

Alright?

But you still hurt me.

Even if you didn't mean to.

And I have developed a bit of a plan.

Careful.

I am terrified of going back to how that pain wouldn't leave me two years ago because I have enough burdens left over to carry, and I don't deal with agony very well.

I am terrified of going back to how that numbness wouldn't leave me last year because it's worse even than anguish to be unable to feel, unconvinced you are still alive.

I am terrified of going back to how that happiness wouldn't leave me just over two years ago because as soon as you get up high, the further you have to fall.

I see your face everyday in the crowd
I never say hi, of course. We were never really friends.
I consider giving a tight smile, you know
Just to be polite
After all, we did sit in the same classroom for two years
After all, we have known each other's names since kindergarten
But your friends all hated me
I don't know if you did
But I sure never remember you sticking up for me
Anyway
Now I see you everyday
And just like you used to
You pretend I don't exist
And just like you used to, you look perfect, you're pretty and popular
All the boys want your number
And I don't mind
It's just that, well
I still find myself
Jealous
Because I will never ever
Be like you
And that's the only thing I ever wanted
Way back then
When you at least said hi

I left that Elementary school so relieved
Because killing myself hadn't been successful
And I just wanted to escape
Even after the rope didn't work
I somehow lasted
To the end of the year
I was eleven then.
I hoped the next time I saw you
I would look pretty
I could show you
I am more than just
The ugly girl in the back row
Who doesn't own clothes as nice as yours
Never had a pretty face
Never wore make up
Because she wasn't allowed in the sixth grade
Who wasn't a flawless dancer like you
And was endlessly depressed
Who hated herself more than anyone else
Although there were close seconds
I wanted to be really pretty, and really skinny, with friends
Three things I never had in Elementary
More importantly though,
I wanted to be smiling the next time I saw you
To prove I could be happy
Because I didn't laugh that entire last year
In fact, I smiled only 8 times in total
I hoped to maybe have a boyfriend
Because the boy I liked for 7 years
Liked you
I saw you that very first day
And as usual
You acted like we never knew each other
I looked pretty ******
I felt fat in the shirt I was wearing
And you were dressed so much prettier than me
My friends were elsewhere
So it looked like I was still a loner
I was having a bad make up day
And I was in a bad mood
So I wasnt smiling.
I guess "Goth girl"as you used to call me
If I wore black shoes that day
The suicidal loser that everyone hated
Doesn't look like she's changed much to you, does she.

Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine. Why?

Well, you're huddled in a ball, your knuckles are white from clutching your own skin too hard, you're trembling so bad it's scaring me and you're sobbing silently and uncontrollably with a mirror you just smashed beside you...

I'm just fine.

I was lying in bed last night staring up

at the stars speckling the celestial indigo heavens

like glittery sprinkles across a birthday cake

and I thought to myself:

Where the hell is the ceiling?

Being comfortable enough in your relationship with a girl to tease her (playfully I mean) means you have a better relationship than you would if you were comfortable showering her in compliments.

I know it's not true, but I just feel like there are no guys who look at a girl and fall in love with her soul before loving her body as well. It's always vice versa and often times they never even get past the first step and never love their soul.