ephemeral: Poems

Aug 2014 · 700

ephemeral Aug 2014

god, I'm sorry
I don't know what I did
or even what happened between us
but I know that I ****** up
and to be honest,
you did too
but there's no excuse
for me ripping your heart out
then stepping on each and every
shattered piece that lay on the floor
I don't know what was going through my head
other than I was hurt, alone and confused
but I know now that no matter
how many "sorry"s I send
through text or Skype
it will never
be enough

wow I ****** up.

#friendship #sorry #apology

Aug 2014 · 3.2k

Repeating Emotions

ephemeral Aug 2014

Repeating Emotions

Sad/happy
Sad/broken
Sad/tired
Sad/angry
Sad/hurting
Sad/healing
Sad/over thinking
Sad/over feeling
Sad/*As usual

#feelings #emotions

Aug 2014 · 836

Everything I Never Got the Chance to Tell You

ephemeral Aug 2014

Everything I Never Got the Chance to Tell You

i.
You are so beautiful.
I was always so jealous of you
Because in my eyes,
You were the definition of perfection
You were everything
I ever wanted to be.
ii.
You managed to break me completely.
I was so whole before you
I loved and trusted freely
Without putting up any guards
And after you managed to rip apart
Every last shred of my happiness
And darkened the light in my eyes
I have never been able
To trust fully again.
iii.
I loved you.
I loved you so ******* much
You were my best friend
God, of course I loved you
How could I not?
iv.
You hurt me so much.
As if it wasn't enough
That you broke my heart
You broke my self-esteem as well
And now, most of my demons
Have the sound of your voice
So although we haven't spoken since
I sent you that birthday text,
I see you almost everywhere I go.
v.
I miss you.
Actually, I don't.
I don't miss
How ****** you made me feel or
Our arguments at 1 am or
How you would ignore me
For days and weeks on end or
The times you called me a *****.
I don't miss any of that.
I do miss who you used to be,
Before the voices took over your mind
When we would dance in the rain
And I would hold you as you cried
And we had midnight chats
About anything and everything
When your sisters were like mine
And my house was like yours
I miss who I was
Before you ruined me.
vi.
And even after all that,
I still love you.
I hope you know that.
I hope your arms are no longer
A criss-cross of scars and lines
And you've started to love yourself.
vii.
And as I sit here
With my mind full of you
I hope that some days,
You sit down and your mind
Is full of me, too.

This is everything I should've told my old best friend, and didn't.

#hurt #friendship

Aug 2014 · 1.8k

The Great Human Paradox

ephemeral Aug 2014

The Great Human Paradox

Some people
Go through their entire lives
Not living
Breathing, yes
Surviving, yes
But not living
Not ever knowing the joys and sorrows
Of first loves
Not ever understanding the tragedy that comes
From a broken heart
Or the inexplicable amount of euphoria
That comes from listening to music
But not just listening to it
Feeling it course through their body
Like the blood in their veins
Some people
Go through their entire lives
Without feeling
And that
Is the tragedy of surviving

(Old poem)

#love #music #feeling #humans

Jul 2014 · 2.3k

5am thoughts

ephemeral Jul 2014

5am thoughts

"Sometimes I want to kiss you and sometimes I want to **** you"
Your texts run through my mind
Over and
Over and
Over and over and
Over and
stop, please just make the voices stop
"I really like you like a lot like sometimes too much"
how the hell can you say
something like that and then decide
to ignore me barely
Two hours later
I don't understand
I'm sorry
I love you
Come back
I need you
I'm lying
You said you hated me
You were lying
*******
I can't think straight anymore
And all of this is your fault
But it's partly
my fault, too
Because I knew I was falling
For a disaster waiting to happen
From the moment I met you
But I decided to let myself fall
Anyways
Even though they all told me
What a **** you were
How you would end up hurting me
And I didn't listen
Because there were times
Past midnight when you became so
Vulnerable, almost like you lay
Your guard down and let me in
I told myself you would never
Fall for a girl like me
We were just friends
But just friends don't do the things
that we did
They don't hold on tight to each other every time they hug, as if
That hug will be their last
They don't sing to each other
They don't harmlessly tease each other
Hell, they don't even *look
at each other
The way that we did
I looked at you
Like you were my everything
And you looked at me
Like I was something precious,
That needed to be protected
If only I could've realized it then
I should've realized that you loved me
From how badly you wanted to help me
From how you cried when I etched punishments into my skin
From how you would casually touch me, whenever you could
You would lazily wrap an arm around me, keeping me close.
you put me through so much hell
I shouldn't be thinking about you
in this way
I shouldn't be thinking about
your body
Or our late night facetimes
Or what your lips would taste like
Pressed against mine
I should hate you right now. So much.
But I can't
I can't.

I literally just typed this entire thing without reading through it or trying to make sense of my thoughts. If you aren't able to understand this, I'm so sorry.

Jul 2014 · 3.3k

2am thoughts

ephemeral Jul 2014

2am thoughts

احب نفسك اولا
(love yourself first)
From the moment I met you,
I was intrigued.
Your eyes were like
A vast blue ocean
That would pull me in
Sometimes welcoming,
Letting me stay afloat
Just long enough to enjoy myself
Other times willing me to drown
And drown, I did
You pulled me completely under
Without stopping to let me breathe
I almost died
Except I didn't die
Just as I gasped one last breath,
You helped me back to shore
Made sure I breathed again
That was when you told me you loved me
And right in that moment I wanted to kiss you
I craved you the way trees crave carbon dioxide
And you said there were times
When you wanted to kiss me
And just for a moment
I let myself imagine
I thought of your strong arms around my body,
Keeping me safe, while wanting every piece of me
Kissing the scars that align my skin
Like a map of my regrets
Wiping any tears I cried away
And that was when
You pulled me back under
you shattered every piece of my already broken heart
"I can't love you, because I'll end up hurt"
Were your exact words
And if I remember correctly,
Those were my words to you
The first time we exchanged
"I love you's"
And as I remembered this,
A riptide occurred
Riptide (n): a strong current caused by tidal flow in confined
areas and presenting a hazard to swimmers and boaters
you were a hazard to my state of mind
You ruined what was left of my sanity
But it was when you decided to block me out
That I was finally able to realize this fact:
I was so busy trying to stay afloat, alive
In your fatal whirlpool of an ocean
In the ocean of your blue eyes
That I fell too hard for you
Before thinking to fall
For myself

Idk I like the last section (starting with the riptide) best. Feedback?

#love #heartbreak #dying #ocean

Jul 2014 · 538

Repetition

ephemeral Jul 2014

Repetition

The way the wind whispers to the trees at night,
this is beautiful.
the way the sky changes colors until everything blends
into a pinkish-orange sunset,
this is beautiful.
the way that people dance in the rain
just to forget everything,
this is beautiful.
the way the pages of a new book feel
under your hands as you turn the pages,
this is beautiful.
the way airplanes rise, higher and higher into the sky until
everything around them is white nothingness,
this is beautiful.
the way people are able to smile
after their eyes have filled with tsunamis,
this is beautiful.
the way that I am able to sit here and name
all the beautiful things in life is a gift,
and that
is beautiful, too.

— The End —