I think i finally figured it out
The reason why I am so afraid to love
Afraid to show my passion for you

I was chained in darkness
Trapped by being his secret
Trapped by not being good enough
Not good enough for him to feel pride about
So I was kept his secret
Always just another girl
Kept away like an abandoned toy
Just for him to come and play with
Only there for when he was bored
Playing with my emotions
My heart was attached to a string of a yo-yo
Back and forth
Back and forth
Down and up
Down and up

That is why I am afraid to show my love
Because I am terrified of being toyed with
Petrifyed of being abandoned
Of being another secret

Secrets are fun
Unless you're one

With the changing winds
My friends are drifting from me
In all directions
And if I pursue one
I lose the rest
A great canyon has severed us
And we are all so very, very sad
But calling out for help
Only results in an echo
Shouting back
I know, I have tried
I cannot see nor hear them
And I doubt they are looking
For a speck of dust
Such as I,
So you see
I guess I'm just better
Alone.

I have such high aspirations
But I feel so low
Tell me, can I live a happy life
Without giving up my soul?

And none of my dreams
Are grounded in reality
Why should I pay thousands
To be who I want to be?

I'm not too proud of my address
Daddy can't buy me every pretty thing
I'm just a girl in the lower middle class
In a world where money is king

Apply plastic to my face; I can't embrace
the way I look, the way I waste.
My God is dead, because I erased him.
I am trapped in a daydream nation.

Rip the cords out of celebri-babes
I wanna be the end of a film
I wanna fade...

...Fade in,
My God is your God and I declare you're full of sin
Hollywoodland is my mecca and it's all that I am
Give me a star on the walk instead of the sky
I don't wanna live, I just don't ever want to die

Hollywood, Holly would
give up her soul
if Oscars and movies could
make her whole.

she loved
anything
that provided
an escape
from her life.
when she was 7,
it was
disney movies.
that is where
she learned
its not normal for
daddys to hit mommys.
when she was 11,
it was
books.
the ink,
staining her fingers
as well as her heart
and her mind.
that was where
she learned
that when she said
no,
he was supposed
to stop.
when she was 16,
it was drugs.
powder, needles, pills.
and that is where
she learned
the true meaning
of escape.
getting so
h i g h
she never
felt the
l o w s.
at 20,
though, she
confused
e s c a p e
with
d i s a p p e a r i n g

I
Can't
See
How
I
Am
Going
To
Accept
That
You
Won't
Show
Up
Again
One
Day.