I remember I used to watch you play when I was 18
Every Thursday at that little Irish pub
Sometimes I couldn't keep my eyes off of you
When I had to seat the anticipating guests
I remember you gave me your number
But I was young and naive
And chased all the bad boys who would always leave
Now 8 years later
You're still playing in town
Your hair is long now
And your voice much deeper
I know you don't remember me
But maybe we can meet again
And this time I'll call you back

We missed the fireworks
But listened to Springsteen covers by our friend's band
Then later in the night we walked down the street
To your house with your friends
Your long hair, tattoos and humble disposition
Led me to kiss you on your front porch
Then my friends arrive, one is on the floor
Too much alcohol for us tonight
Late night conversations and not seeing straight
A walk upstairs, clothes come off, and we're in your bed
I can't remember what was said, but I felt comfortable with you
I don't care if you're a rockstar and have a big house
I just want to lay with you and for nothing to make sense.

I already miss the way you look at me
And it's only been four days
This is what you want
To be alone:
Or to be with someone else
So I will not answer anymore of your texts
And I'll try to stop thinking about everything
About you;
And your whiskey smile
And how you hold my body close to yours
Your green eyes that look into my soul
Are we doing the right thing?
I feel like you're good for me
I'll give you space
I'll leave and give this thing some time
Because you said maybe one day
But I'll probably be thinking about someone else by then
And you will be alone thinking about me.

Surrounded by couples
As we rang in the New Year
The ball dropped and so did my heart
Looking around for the one with the cold hands
Nowhere to be found
Do you really want to be disappointed tonight?
There's a familiar feeling
As you're with friends old and new
You want him
The one that makes that you feel again
So this is the New Year
I hope that it gets better
That luck will be on our side
And someone will want to be with only me
Save me from the past
Make me believe love isn't just a hoax.

Friends with bad habits
Are the ones that you keep you up at night
Their blurry vision and poor choices
And their hands on the wheel
Get home safe tonight.

We're in the bathtub
Soaking our tired bones

We're so close to one another
Melting away the anxiety
And trying to face the fear that holds us back

God, I like you
Why can't I tell you?

The candles are burning and our skin is touching
The music is playing as you come closer

You kiss my cheek and I run the hot water
We lie next to each other, our bodies pure and bare
We fall asleep leaving the negative thoughts outside the door.

My eyes twitch when I'm sad
Before the tears flood down my porcelain skin
I can tell you were sad as well
Because you couldn't look me in the eyes
You distracted yourself
And your guilty conscience
The sound of your voice haunts my thoughts
While my smile is all you can think about
You told so many lies, big and little lies.

There's no time for true love with a stranger
The bottles are full of old memories and pressed anger
A new friend thinks he can get you into his bed
But you fall asleep staring at the rising sun
While his cat is in your arms, he's trying to get close.
But you won't let him in your head
It's 5 a.m.
His beard is a birds nest and his room is too cold

You're taking it slow, getting to know the new guys
Being a friend to all the musicians around town
They treat you kind,
And there's no crossing lines.

He invites you to his studio apartment
Conversations start on his couch
You're drinking again
Strangers give you comfort

He tries to get in your head
You tell him just enough to make him fall
The limits are definitely passed
You kiss as he makes his way closer

The jazz band is playing
The light is on
The sun, it rises from the bathroom window
Ocean views and chamomile tea with honey

Your skin is soft and tan
His freckles tell a story
And his brown eyes don't matter
Talks of Arkansas and the golden summers

He squeezes you tight, he wants one thing
While you're thinking of someone else
You decide when is a good time to leave.

Whatever you do, don't.
When "everything used to be so good" was written in the sky
It was foreshadowing our once tangible, now inevitable future
If only I noticed sooner that we were growing apart
I could have had a ring, a house, a kid and not a broken heart
They say nothing lasts forever and we have to suffer to survive
But that town and our fake friends got into my head and made us feel alive
You were already a broken thing who could only feel regret
But it's not fair to the one who let her guard down
To only be abandoned by the one who couldn't break your heart.

I lie awake
And fall
Into a dreamscape
That I once knew
I thought I would lose
But here I am
Losing the feeling of you.

We had it all
Until it all came down
For where we once lived
I had to leave
I had to run again.

I don’t feel
That way anymore
I’m shining,
I’m finding
A new way home .

A river flows through the backyard
Panic attacks under whiskey breath
Legs numb and gasping for air
Drowning in the driver's seat.

Do you want to fall
Asleep in my arms
In my warm bed
In white linen and the sounds of
The creaks of the wood
This bed will swallow us whole
If we let it.

But we could build a fort
And escape the mundane
For the night
We could sail away
and find what we’re looking for.

Now the record is playing
They’re singing my song
The horses are calling
And the piano is playing along.

Now the morning is here
I’m pouring the coffee
And adding in honey
And you tell me
you think you love me.

Let’s not kid ourselves
We’re only just friends
How can you love something
That doesn’t bend
For you, you need time
You don’t know me
In that way
Even though I watched you sleep
Maybe this is wrong
But maybe this is right
What I need.

But I can’t love something
That I only just met
Even though I like your boots.
And the way your hair
falls in your eyes

There will be no more blurry nights
You're only alone when you think
Surrounded by friends at the bar
He's on your mind
That night won't leave you
You left your heart in the wrinkled sheets
He worries about you and maybe you feel something
There's a new guy
He knows your face
He doesn't look you in the eyes
He sings like an angel
He's just another contender
How many does that make now?
Long hair and mysterious eyes
You no longer wear your heart on your sleeve
You tell them you're a femme fatal
But you feel more than any of them
You want to get on the road
You want to leave Jersey
And see the desert, mountains, and west coast
Find a partner who will share the same interests
Move in together or travel the open country
No more mistakes
Save your money and don't drink
Do something else to cure the pain
All the doors are open
Only one fork in the road
Except all paths lead to him
And this future is looking brighter
But you still worry all the time
He was sick and so were you
But you just had to get through it
Everything that happens is from now on.

Our words f a d e
Faster than our footprints in the snow

My pure heart was dead inside
As the ghost watched us from across the room.
Filling our heads with ***** thoughts
And our veins with more whiskey.

Late night conversations about marriage, space and ***
Talking about life and things that make us laugh
We talk about him and we talk about her
We talk all night and somehow it all makes sense
It would be easy to fall for you because we talk so much
But it won't be that easy because I'm hard to love and you're not.

"How to not develop feelings..."
- A Memoir.

When the distance of staying in
Feels like a lifetime
And we’re separated by the miles
Rather than footsteps

We’re leaving soon
the homes that made us
From the plague that almost took us
And the angels who saved us

Now it’s spring
The changing of trees
And the sound of the animals
The birds are chatting
And the bugs are singing us to sleep

The world feels a little different
Much smaller than before
But I have my friends
And I have my family
And I have my life
Even though it’s a little quiet.

Were you looking for me all along?
Were you distracted by false idols in sheep's clothing?