today Im sitting here On a couch, writing something that was supposed to be a poem
it was supposed to be a short one i didnt think it would be this long
it was supposed to be a summary
Of what im feeling right now
Apparently
it takes more than 26 letters , 14 stanzas , 5 paragraphs
To make this short
But im choosing to do so
So here i go
Hi im E ...
And this is what i feel right now
Happiness

I am anti-social,
I choke at social gatherings,
My breath feels nothing more than lies ,
The lies when people's words,
Sublime into air.

While everyone brags about,
The last time the Sapiens
Had a good time,
I comfortablly drift off,
Into my little Pluto,
Of words, poetry and music.

I am there,
Yet I am not there.

People think I'm a snob,
The Sapiens think I'm lazy,
But what do they know,
The happiness in solitude.

I am anti social,
And the last thing,
I could care about,
Is You.

I used to love the smoke
The calm it brings
to my tortured mind

I used to love a glass
Filled up to the brim,
chugging it down
Drowning all my pain

I used to love a bed
Sleeping in it,
For hours on end
Wishing i could just sleep forever

I used to love to swear
As if every curse is a scream
That no one would hear
For the screams i heard are next to my room
Sometimes, its not just shouts that i hear

I used to love to lie
That i was okay
But i am not

I used to love the needle
Piercing my arm
For the sting is nothing compared
to the stabs at my back

I used to love not knowing
And knowing
What is right
but still chose what is wrong

All of this
Was before,

But Before there was after,
There was now

From the moment i was born
To the moment right now
My eyes were closed
I tried opening them
But the light was blinding
The brightness was too much
So i keep them closed
Afraid
That the light will blind me
And i cannot see anything anymore

How to be you?
How can you be someone else
When you dont even know
how to be yourself

i wrote a poem today
at 3 AM
it was not easy
i do not know how to start it
sentences, words, fragments
are messed up in my head
I wrote a poem today
in the morning
it was hard
asking myself
why was i even writing this
i wrote a poem today
writing my heart in words
they just threw away
i wrote a poem today
i needed a reason to write
and i had it
it wasn't the right one
i wrote a poem today
i gave it to them
i handed my heart
on a silver platter
and they didn't say anything
i wrote a poem today
i gave it again
and they showed me a new one
it wasn't mine
i wish they said something
anything
to say that my poem was good, or bad
i just needed to hear something
from them
but they didn't say anything