I've been feeling so alone
And so lost
As if I was trapped in the dark forest of my mind
Not knowing which way is out
And which way is into further isolation
And than I walked
And walked
With music playing in my ears
Alone
But I wasn't lonely
I was free
And I wished that I could just walk forever
Not away from anything
Not to anything
Just walking
forever

Read one side then the other


    Why it's it.                      Why is it
That only after.               That only after
We leave someone.     Someone leaves
We realize all the       Us. We realize all
Little quirks and.        The beauty about
Annoying habits     Them. The clouded
Are something we can't    Glass clears,
    Stand. The clouded     we see who
      Glass clears.       They are. Looking
         And we see them.   Past problems
               Wondering     Wondering
                   What we.   What we.
                          Saw    Saw
                             Before.

Things were bleak
And dark
Dreary
And deadly
It looked like
Nothing would help
And somehow
Things got better
And now
Everything
Is gonna be alright
There are still problems
But I know that somewhere
There is a solution
And so I should be happy
Yet I feel empty
Like a part of me
Is missing
Hollow
And alone
It's not a sadness
That lets me cry
It's not depression either
I'm out of tears
Yet out of smiles
Simply
There
Lonely
But not alone
Hollow
But full
Sad
But not crying
Tired
But wide awake
Talking
But not speaking
Smiling
But not happy

I'm not a typical teenager
I don't facebook things
Or post my life to the world
I don't tweet
Or Twitter
Or all the other
Networks
I don't instagram
In fact
I don't like pictures
If me. I hide from the camera
Hoping no one will
Click the photo button
I don't party
Or stay out late
I sit at home
Watching TV
Or better yet
Cuddling up with a good book
I don't waltz around
In revealing clothes
Hoping for a boyfriend
I don't act all bubbly
I cry and worry
I don't worry about boys
And dates
I worry about depression
And cutting and if my
Friends are really fine

I don't doodle or draw names on a binder
I write poetry on a site called helo poetry
And the only thing that upsets me
About that, is that I didn't find it sooner

I hate you
I hate the way you laugh
I hate the way your eyes squint when you smile
I hate your long, skeleton-like fingers
I hate your freckles that scatter across your nose and cheeks
I hate your long legs
I hate your body
I hate your messy brown hair
I hate your bruised skin
I hate your knobby knees
I hate the way you laugh
I hate your voice
I hate how you wrinkle your forehead
I hate how you lock your heart away from people
I hate how negative you are
I hate how you let people use you
I hate how you can't tell people "no"
I hate how you give in so easily
I hate how you care about people who don't give a **** about you
I hate how you love people more than they love you
I hate how you fall for lies
I hate how you care about what people think
I hate how you try so hard to please people
I hate how ditzy you can be
I hate how you can be so clueless to the outside world
I hate how you make the same mistakes over and over again
I hate how you let things get to you
I hate how you're so forgiving
I hate how you give everyone a chance
I hate how you give people second chances when they don't deserve it
I hate how you feel guilty about everything even when you've done nothing wrong
I hate how you let people take advantage of you
I hate how sad you are
I hate how you hide your feelings
I hate how you bottle everything up until you blow
I hate how you break people's hearts
I hate how you don't care
I hate how you don't have motivation to do anything
I hate how you get annoyed so easily
I hate how you're willing to do anything for people who wouldn't even lift a finger for you
I hate how you give yourself to people to fill the void inside you
I hate how your body constantly shakes because you're always nervous about something
I hate how you feel trapped
I hate how your chest gets tight when you think about how much you miss him
I hate the way you treat yourself


I hate how much I hate myself*


                                B.S.

I sit here
Crushed by loneliness
Wishing for conversation
Something
Because I seem to be
The only person
Who doesn't have something
To do on this
Cold Sunday afternoon
It is paradoxical
'Cause when I have
A person to talk to
I often wish for them to stop
I am not content either way
I want to walk away
From everything
But I have responsibilities
And it is too cold
So I will just sit here
and be lonely