I use to think I was the
One and only
Solitary wolf on my
Lonely journey into hell and

I would stay up all night wondering.
Why I had to be the one and only.
But I was foolish and one soon
Became a few.

And over the years and
After crying puddles of tears
A few slowly morphed into many.
And as that many grew

Into several, it became
Way more than just a few.
Now I stand with an ocean of faces
Of old and young.

Faces so new and fragile to
The harsh earth, and faces
Who know what its like to
Be broken down into so many pieces

That they truly believe that razor
Blades, pieces of hot metal,
Hair pulling and nail biting and
Hitting your head on a brick wall are

Solutions to the pain.
The pain we harbor and hold so dearly
To our fragile hearts.
Because without pain and loneliness

How do you live? After years
Of pain and self inflicted torture
How do you live a normal life?
How do you walk around like those

Years never happened to you?
I am starting to learn that
You just don't. You live and breathe
And you don't forget the past, oh no.

You just let the wounds scab over,
Like the cuts that used to fester,
And you learn to live again.
You can't go back and erase the past,

Believe me, I've tried! But you learn
That just because you're a little
Scratched up, doesn't mean someone
Won't see you're beauty.

So let the wounds heal over
And yes, go back and trace the scars with
Your fingers. Because that's not all of who
You are anymore. It's just a small part

Of your life.

A pet cemetery
You will find in yard
It lays there dead
The ground frozen hard

First a feline friend
And then my Angel Puppy
Now my baby boy Oreo
Have been ripped away

I regret not showing you
How special you were
Now my Angel Kitty
Is in heaven to purr

You were large
With ears like a satellite
I loved to cuddle
With you at night

But my bed is now cold
Empty where you laid
I hope you are happy
With the life we made

You were my brother
You were my friend
I was with you
To the ****** end

You were my comfort
You were my shelter
So sweet
My family's helper

You left so soon
Violently and fast
Those hugs and those kisses
Those were your last

Good bye angel puppy
Good bye best friend
I hope you were happy
In the end

You were my brother
You were my friend
I was with you
To the ****** end

You were my comfort
You were my shelter
So sweet
My family's helper

You left so soon
Violently and fast
Those hugs and those kisses
Those were your last

Good bye angel puppy
Good bye best friend
I hope you were happy
In the end

A feeling this strong
A lust and dream
This persistent Thought
In my head and heavy heart

Must be mutual
You must feel something
Anything?
Oh, okay, only my imagination
And high, irrational hopes again

Are you sad, my dear?
Because it's quit clear
That your mask that you made
Out of tears and ash

Is starting to peel away
And your heart is starting to pay
The hefty price of pain
From casting your heart

Are you tired, my dear?
It's near the end of the year
It's been a long time
Since you've had good rest

You whisper you're just tired
But we know that you're wired
In a different way
Where tired means dead inside

Are you done, my dear?
With shedding your tears
And sliceing and burning yourself
And not being happy with your reflection

Because I'm done too
Salty tears are too true
Maybe it's time to pop the pills
And take a trip right down the hill

Every body has
Their awkward quirks

I love yours
Because to me
They aren't awkward
At all

In fact I feel
At home
Cuddled up with you
In your bed

For the first time
In such a long time
My smile is real
And irreversible

You put it there
But you weren't even here
It's amazing what a few
Words through a text can do

I'm actually getting my
Way for once
Usually they just leave
But no, you come back

Back for a second helping
Of crazy

Soft and supple lips
Every curve a brand new thrill
His arms embrace me

Rough hands on soft skin
Cheek to cheek and lash to lash
His chest hard and warm

Our breathing is one
Beats that drive the body, one
Opposites collide

He used to want to fly
Way up in the sky
But now his dreams are ruined
Cause he's six feet below the frost

Desire to be near you
Constantly
Nipping at my brain
And overtime I see that perfect
Face of yours

My kidneys rise
Stomach flips
And my lungs scream for
Air
Because you take it away from me


The moment you walk out
Of that door I want to run up
To you and make my lips
Great yours with
Love

And I want my fingers
Intertwined with yours
Always
Every waking moment
I want to be yours

And I want you to be mine

Laying in the back of your car
Holding you close and breathing you in
I don't know what you use
But never stop, your
Intoxicating

Whether its small or deep your
Words seem to have me listening
Silence is nice, I like to think
But I'd rather have your voice
Surrounding me

Fingers carefully playing each key
Plucking at the piano effortlessly
Emotions pouring into the song
You drive me insane but I
Love it

Never stop

It's my birthday today
And I'm all alone
And there's nothing worthy to be shown

I don't look any different
And today the weather is cold
And my heart feels worn down and sold

Sold out to many I don't see anymore
Rusty and rubbed raw
An abundant of negative things it saw

Nobody cares, today doesn't affect the mass population
My mother cried though
Because she's afraid to let go

She birthed me 17 years ago
48 hours of hard labor
The mid wife didn't do her any favors

They almost killed me, I almost died
To think I might not be here
Might not be alive

It's my birthday today
And I'm all alone
And there's nothing worthy to be shown

I feel sick
To my core
I am sorry for the pain
I made you endure

But if grey skies
And a happy sun
Come together
To be one

The beautiful sun
Won't shine like it can
The sun has potential
It has a plan

These grey dark skies
Are weighing you down
So push them away
Without a sound

This is why
I let you go
You are a sun
You need to show

Show the world
Your colors true
Make the skies
Oh so blue

I let you go
Because I see
It is the blue skies
That will set you free

I cannot make you happy
I am too grey
You need to find a blue patch
To make your day

This is not a final goodbye
Even the sun
Needs a little rain
To take away the pain

So with these words
I say goodbye
We will see each other though
Please don't cry

In the midst of chasing
You through my head
Dreaming of having you
When I thought I already had

I awoke to the soft shuffle
Of flats on the wooden floor
The roll of a suitcase
The soft squeak and click of the door

I laid in bed for a moment
Then a moment more
Realization hitting me
It wasn't me you adored

Your affection was held
By someone else's hand
I thought I had a tight grip
But I obviously didn't understand

I couldn't fathom the absence
Of the warmth on the sheets
An outline of your body
A missing pair of feet

Running after you would be foolish
Though it kills me not to stand
Instead I lay a moment more
Chasing you in dream land

I did not know you
Child of God
Maybe if I had you wouldnt
Believe you were flawed

In and out
People weave through our lives
Every move is judged
Every word analyzed

I do not know why
You ended your time on earth
Life is small and fragile
From death to birth

I pray all your pain
Has been taken away
I know they say you go to Hell
I have a different story to say

So young and innocent
God's child indeed
You did no crime
Not selfish nor greed

God loves all his children
Forgets all their sins
Is your action even a sin at all?
Your tolerance for ******* was just thin

Hell is a place
Where go the cynical humans
The ones with no remnorse
No sorrow, their mind in ruins

Heaven is for the soul
Who only wished for the pain to stop
A eternity of bliss
Your life on earth was just a drop

I'm about ready to bludgeon
Someone with my microphone
And string them up
By my black cord

Stab them with a music stand
And slit their throat with the feet of it
Bash their head into the piano
Then stuff them inside of the instrument

See, choir has become a competition
A sport which everyone is
Now on their own teams
Only rooting for themselves

We all sing together
But we clash and our
Voices don't blend anymore
Instead you hear the individual's song

Selfish and cruel
They all gossip about one another
Manipulating and breaking
Each other down to dust

Confidence stripped and raw
Wounds festering and emotions building
Of the words said behind backs
And not to the face

But just because our backs our turned
Does not make us deaf
But even more unsure of
Ourselves and the people surrounding us

Choir is not a family anymore
It's World War Three
Teeth bared and claws out
Missiles ready to take out other parts

There goes the altos
Taken out by the sopranos
The baritones still talk with the tenors
But the tension is still high

Choir is dangerous
But what they don't realize is
I can be the most cunning and cruel
Animal of them all

I feel like my mouth is being pried
Open wide by the jaws of life
And someone is laughing and pouring
Sand down my dry throat

And into my aching empty heart
Where you still sit and stay
And all I wanted was to be okay
I guess that's not okay

I'm coughing and loosing air
Not like you would care
And while I'm dying to find a way to slit
My throat open wide

You still stand there and stare
At the freak show happening because
Everyone is wondering why I'm
Choking on sand but

They were the ones to force it
Down in the first place
And instead of helping me out
They just find my struggle entertaining

So let's stop fighting
The struggle is tiring
And my voice is barely there as I
Let out a barely audible "*******"

He doesnt talk
But oh,
What does he think

Does he walk
In cirlces
Around his
head

Circles and circles
Confusion
Plays with the
Mind

Inside is he
Screaming,
Thinking,
Dreaming

And wishing
To be nothing
To not be
Alive

Circles and circles
Spinning all around
Dizziness hurts the heart

Cloudy thoughts
Restless days
No one wants to
Play

I will play
With you
You poor
Boy

Together in
The rain
Dancing and being
Free

Closets are for apparel
Clothes you want to hang up
And wear for another day

Closets have doors
To hide old dusty boxes
Objects to be of use for a later date

Closets can be locked
To keep the outside world
From looking into your personnel life

Closets can be crowded
Too hot or cold
Stuffy, with no room for breathing

Closets are not meant for people
For our feelings to be trapped
And locked away for another date

Don't shy away in the closet
And lock the door
From the inside out

Please

One day there was a boy
Who saw a pretty girl
She had warm Autumn hair
And eyes of blown blue and green glass

The boy knew he had to introduce
Himself to this small girl
So he walked right up to her
And started to sign his words

His hands flew through the air
Nervously trying to say hi
The girl nodded her head and pulled
Out the pen and paper

And at this old coffee shop
They spent hours writing away
Words started to rush together
And sentences turned into paragraphs

By the end of their chat
She wrote a number below
She received unlimited texts
And wanted to see him again

Love is funny that way
It bends and breaks rules
It twists into different shapes
Sounds and smells

Love is ready to do
What it takes to make it work
Even if one person cannot
Work their own vocal chords

I believe in you God
Oh loving and powerful
But the Bible feels wrong
It feels shameful

I wouldn't say I'm atheist
Because I believe in the One
But I wouldn't say I'm Christian
Though I do believe in his son

I'm confused on where I stand
Or if I even do
But through all the confusion
I still believe in the one and only you

You worry too much
About my own set of
Problems and your imagination
Runs wild, blinded by love

"You're killing yourself
Slowly with every slice
Every incision and bruise and burn
Every mark so precise"

I remind you that I have it
Under control, my control
That every mark I make myself
Fills the little holes in my soul

But with every hole I fill
They seem to sink back in
So I make the marks on my body
On the top of the skin

I promise I have control of
The little beast inside
The one that breaks free every night
The one that I desperately try to hide

So do not fret love
For I have the control
I will win every battle
That is purely my role

I am tired
Of being the crazy daughter
Because last night when you comforted me
Your eyes held pity and sympathy

I want to be normal
Like all the other kids
Instead I see doctors
I'm given heavy bottles with lids

The bottles hold a happy pill
That will make everything okay
The bottles will hold my crazy
The lid will keep it at bay

But I don't want to have to pop
Pills to be what I really want to be
I want to be normal and myself
I wish to be free

Too bad to be myself
Is to be crazy

Your lies
Wrap around
You
And it becomes
Harder to tell
The truth

You tell her
One thing
Tell me
Another
Tell the whole
World your lies

Fine lines
Are drawn
And feelings
Are hurt
I cant
Say why

But you I
Am finished
With
I cant handle you
And you selfish
Lies

No more
Than I can
Handle
A hot iron
Burning into
My thin paper skin

And I am
Sorry for you
Pity I feel
Because you life
Is wasted away
On lies

The truth can come
Easy
If you know how
To say it right
But you
My dear friend

You have soiled
My trust In
You
To gain it back
Would be
Absurd

So my
Dear friend
Please know this
I am leaving you
There are better things
In life than
*This