The way I Feel it is hard to explain
It feels like I am losing my brain
I want an apology I say in my head
I might just need to go to bed
I tip tap sound I see I dream
Is this as crazy as it seems
Every were I look I see
My madness eating at me
"I want it I need it" I hear
As I start to awaken everything disappears
The first thing I say when I awake
Is what I think for "goodness sake "
Then my eyes start to twitch as I shake
I want that apology from her mouth
I want that apology I must leave the house
I look at her in the face and say apologies
She looks at me and starts to laugh "hee hee
What for my darling dare I rather disappear"
I grit my teeth as I sit and stay
I close my eyes and what do I see
Oh no it is eating at me
"Resolve it resolve it" this is what it says
I wake up and say sorry "Please forgive me"
She says back "I should be apologizing so you see"
That is what she said and then she added
I did put that mouse under your bed.

I lay on my back
Close my eyes
Let myself escape

I feel the sharp edges of the grass
poking my neck
I know I'll have little cuts,
but it'll be worth it.

The sunlight caresses my face
It's warm on my eyelids
and I smile at its touch.

Above me,
the wind whistles through the trees
Can you hear it?
Whoosh, whoosh
Like waves crashing on the beach.

I feel myself start to float
As I leave my body
and find myself
The part of me that I had lost so long ago.

I’m greeted like an old friend
and I start to reminisce about the past
and all the joy I felt about the little things.

Mud:
The squelching noise between my fingers;
how it was so cold
and slightly gritty and
gave me such satisfaction.

Leather:
The smell and
how it reminds me of my days with my dad,
when he saddled up his old horse
and we'd go on an adventure.

Watermelon:
Homegrown
On a hot summer day
The sweetness
As I bite into a slice.
Letting the sticky juices coat my cheeks and
admire the contrast between the fresh pink and cool green.

Sunshine
The warmth as it shines through my window
On an early morning
The sound of the meadow lark ringing in my ears
is my alarm.

I smile at these memories.
I smile at my happy self.

I let myself settle back into myself
and gasp as the weight of the world
pins me back to reality

But I let myself stay a moment more.
Soaking in the sunshine.
Listening to the wind.
Bearing the cuts and stains from the grass
like scars from a battle barely won.