teni - Hello Poetry

teni Sep 2018

the most wonderous feeling
is realizing that maybe
just maybe
im not a *******
you just dont know
how to show me otherwise

originally written : 8.30.18

and you obviously never will.

teni Sep 2018

realization.

id like to thank you
and my persistence
for helping me realize
what ive needed to realize
for so long.

because you showed me
you dont really care anymore
i am able to put myself
over you.

im not going to do things
do catch your attention
or make you think of me.
im not going to write
about the heartbreak
and heartache
you brought me.
im not going to listen
to those songs
and feel an empty space
[the space you used to fill]

i finally feel okay
with you being gone.
i feel a weight off of my shoulders.
i can finally move on
and find happiness
thats not with you.

the thing is, how long until i miss you again?

#happy #relief

teni Sep 2018

manic.

there is a fire
burning the back of my throat
and it shows no signs
of being put out.

there is a racecar
doing laps in my head
and the driver can't hear
my cries
begging him to slow down.

there is a bull
trying desperately
to buck off his rider
in my stomach
but the rider is holding on tight.

my knuckles have turned white
from how tightly
i have clenched my fists.
thank god i trimmed my nails
if i hadn't,
droplets of blood
would be falling from my fingertips
leaving an artwork
of my mania
on the concrete.

i cant make it go away

#blood #mania #anger

teni Sep 2018

hurt.

i regret telling you my biggest fears,
you only used them against me in the end.

originally written : 8.30.18

#fears #regret #anxiety

teni Sep 2018

searching.

i search for you
in the places i know
i might find you.

seeing you
even after all this time
is going to break my heart
into a million more pieces,
but a wave of comfort
and warmth
will flood my mind
and body.
and i have been so cold lately.

i know i shouldnt
want to see you,
for i have worked too hard
trying to move on
to just stomp on all of my progress.
but i think the biggest reason
i want to see you
is so you can see me.

i may not be doing good
but i want our memories,
our wonderful,
exciting memories
to rush through you
and fill your heart with ice
so you can be cold
like i have been since you left.

originally written : 8.13.18

#searching #cold #broken

teni Sep 2018

courage.

that word
isnt something i have.
i was close
to actually doing it today
but i still get so nervous around you.
so i took it to my phone,
and let her do my ***** work.
its much easier that way.
less stressful and awkward, too.
im glad i did it.
i hope this can be the start
of something better.
i want better.

but if you dont, thats cool i guess. i cant change how you feel about me.

#phone #scared #anxiety

Sep 2018

Helena

my golden

it's not easy being just friends
when this summer you kissed
me with the passion of the sun
that scorched our backs by the
beach and it's so hard when
you catch my gaze and I can
literally feel the magnetism
between us even when we don't
touch but oh when we do my body
is helpless just like your board
in the ocean sloshing around
in the crashing surf but our
relationship was a bit like a
wave because it came and went
and left nothing behind but it
never really crashed against
the shore it was more just like
the moon slowly pulling the tide
in as the sun goes down in the late
afternoon and I can remember you
asking me if it was waxing or waning
and which constellations I could see
and I never knew the answer but now
I know that I really really do miss you