With a thought I can destroy the world
Just a word, really

It hurts me that it's hard
To make it another day and still remember to breathe, but

I still have to fall in love
So I can't let myself leave

All it takes is a thought, a word really
Why?
And I am falling from this world

So I promise myself not to think so much
I'll dance instead
You'll find me running barefoot across the world
My hair wild behind me
I will leap over "why" and shake hands with "what"
Maybe then it won't seem so hard to breathe
And I will rejoice that, in the cage of my youth, I did not, once and for all, destroy reality

One day, I will fall in love

Instead, I will set the world free

I went into that uncomfortable place
And because nobody could stand to visit
The place where I lived always
I died there, alone.

I can't. I just ******* can't.
I'm sorry.

I jump up onto the stage of life,
With a small curtsy to the audience
- is that obiesant enough, my Master? -
I begin my sad little dance.
First we look on the phone screen,
No missed calls, but for users and losers,
Next we check the email,
Ugh so much spam, so much junk...
So my sad little dance
Takes us to filter,
And we Search Search SEARCH
and find nothing.
"Mary" "Marylee" "daughter" "mom"
"Mother" "Maggi" "Mike" "Neil" "Nathan" "dad" "son" "Nathaniel"
Dance dance dance, so pathetic
Now bow. Bow in shame, bow in disappointment, no matter just BOW.
BOW, *****, your dance is over.

For Alice (Who used to be me)

I have believed in fairy tales
Once I walked in worlds of rosy hue
I lived in Wonderland and Counterpane
dreaming dreams I knew would all come true

Morning turns to noon day to evening all too soon
Oz can turn to ashes in just a day
Princes return as frogs to their lily pads
Wonderlands Alice is a matron growing grey

No one comes to kiss the princess as she sleeps,
Knights in shining armor ride no more.
Tinker bell is dying with no one to believe.
The Mad Hatter is laughing at the door.

The dragon is not slain but lives in glory
Roxanne always marries Christian after all
Cinderella sits forever midst the ashes
Too late for Alice the door is much to small

The Emerald City's walls are bottle glass
And reality has crushed them neath its heel
The yellow brick road leads nowhere very quickly
And Alice knows that lonely is the only thing she'll feel

oh! let alice return to Wonderland again,
Away from the mud and slime outside the looking glass.
Life is much to large without that tiny door,
And she would seek the March Hares party where time will never pass.

Dear Mom,

I despise you, and I think you should just
die and decay 'til you're nothing but dust,
Get out of my face and my home and my life,
Nothing you are has value.

In my 16 years there is nothing you've done,
No demons you've fought with, no battles you've won,
That can make you seem worthy of jack **** from me,
Because you're so ****** repugnant.

Strangers on the street don't get the stream of hate I give you,
And you can cry and beg all you want,
But this campaign of denigration
is all yours, Mommy.

No, there doesn't have to be a reason why.

I recognize the girl's yellow dress and red shoes, she crosses her ankles and nods to the black iron chair across from her
So I sit, at a cafe table in the middle of nowhere, the only sound the whipping of wind over the dusty plain
She frowns, ***** blonde curls shifting uneasily

You have to stop trying to **** me she pleads

And I protest
That I have never hurt anyone
But it is no use because she is gone as quick as she came and I am back in my bedroom and she did not state it as a question anyway

And it is true, I finally understand
I am what she says
For when has my life not revolved around her death?
Starving her into weightlessness
Slapping masks on her face, be perfect, I said and in no way let being perfect for herself be enough
Even as a little girl, I knew how hard it was to exist for yourself
And now here I am, fantasizing her suicide
A murderer thousands of times over in thoughts
For it has always, always been about erasing her from this place

Why have you never loved me?
She whispers from inside my heart

I never realized, I try to tell her
My mouth choking over words I don't have to say out loud
For there is no one else in the room
I never realized I didn't love you, I tell the girl
And I recognize her, from pictures, from the mirror

I tell myself,
I will try to make room for you here

And the sun rises, and the watercolors break to dazzle the trees with their array, and she and I, me and I, we dance through the darkness in our yellow dresses and red heels as if we know the way, as if, for the first time,
We believe we are enough

And I put my knifes away.