Brown eyes staring at the wall
Waiting for it all to crash to the ground
Empty bottles scattered all around
I lay my head real close to hear your breath sound.

But I know, I know its just to get to the other side.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
Don't you see the dreams you can have?
Stop seeking this fog thats dragging you back.

I watch the glaze melt from your gaze.
Clarity brings tears of sincerity.
You crawl to the floor in search of that last drop.
Only to call a man to take you to your next stop.

But I know. I know its just to get to the other side.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
Don't you know the life you can have?
Stop seeking this fog thats dragging you back.

Brown eyes open to the sky.
A white sheet covers them as they all pass by.
My heart sinks as the sirens turn off.
All I know is another soul is lost.

But I know. I know its just to get to the other side.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
Didn't you see the love that you had?
You sought this fog that only drug you back.

My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.

May you be happy
As you fly across the skies
With her hand in yours
And excitement in your eyes.

May you be happy
With the smell of her dark hair
And butterflies in your stomach
like the fair.

May you be happy
As you take her to meet all those dear
And sing to her
While she dances near.

May you be happy
As her trust builds.

May you be happy
At the heart she fills.

May you be happy.

Walking in with your blue patterned shirt
My heart begins to flood with hurt
As I think of the first time

You guide me through the sand and reach for my hand
We sink into the ocean view, but all I see is you

And those hazel eyes
That wrapped me up in its see of green
And brightened my soul with their specs of gold
I love you spilling from my lips while you reach for my hips

Each day exactly the same
Oblivious to any time frame
I eat your sweet nothings like my life depends on it
Never realizing nothing is what would come of it
And I wonder how I missed those lying eyes
Hidden

In those hazel eyes
That wrapped me up in its see of green
And brightened my soul with their specs of gold
I love you spilling from my lips while you reach for my hips

How did I fall into this hole
And believe the con within my soul
That these eyes would be the ones I awoke to forever
When what I wake to is the memory of

Hazel lies.

It only took one year
To get over the fear
Of being alone

It was gradual
The way you train animals
At first, I couldn’t stand the silence

In my room, the darkness came
Like a blanket
Of velvet

I would gasp for air
Shaken with the thought of my own mortality
My hands reached for safety

But in that room,
All that remained
Was me

Not your smell
Or the weight of your body on the mattress
Or my memories

I can’t pin point when it happened
I can’t definitively say when I lost the fear
Because I don’t think you ever truly lose fear

Fear shifts to other things
Before I would notice my breath
Alone and fear these moments with myself

But each night
As I grew tired of reaching for a shadow
My eyes began to grow heavy
And my breath would steady

My body would stretch across the bed
Letting go of any boundaries one would have
No longer worried of disturbing another

This bed was mine
This room was mine
This life was mine

And instead of waking with fear of my solace
I began to fear if I would ever trust anything more than the freedom of being alone.

My fingers are numb.
Pressing down on each chord,
I strum hoping to make a tune.
I hear a vague melody
Muffled by the uncoordinated digits.

This guitar is the sum
Of what my soul can afford.
With my relationships pruned,
These strings give me clarity.
Your facade fractured my spirit.

“I’d watch grass grow with you.”
A line I swore was true.
Unable to see the difference
Between a chorus
And
a verse.

Sleep has lost me.
Desperately
trying to remember the steps
of how I once was there,
how in the beginning I felt so safe
I could melt
and dream
in her comfort,
I am awake
on the edge of the bed.
I stare
unable to find my way back
wondering
how I ever found her to begin with.

****, you feel good.
Your mouth on mine,
******* all my love
Off my lips.

I know better.
I know being with you takes my soul to dark places.
But, once you start,
I can’t stop.

Every forceful touch,
Every heavy breath,
I willingly
Ask You
....
Devour
Me.

But then what are we left with?

Little feet trampling across the floor
Little hands swinging thru the air
Little voices raising as the adventure unfolds
Little eyes bright with beginnings

I was certain of the world with little feet, little hands, a little voice, and little eyes.

The world I believed in with just a little hope.

It is not often that I am
awake.
Eyes are open, but the view is aerial.
The mind in autopilot,
the body moves automatically.
A spectator to my own life,
Control eludes me.
Until suddenly,
I have a glimpse.
Consciousness grows.
My hands grasp
At the opportunity, Unwilling to let go.
I plunge into darkness.
Willing to submit to defeat.
The first conscious decision.
And, the last
as my autonomy
gradually
Drifts.