can you believe it. i've almost forgiven myself. i'm almost in love with myself. most people say you need to be alone to love yourself, but i've come to realize that i love myself more now that i've got you back. you make me feel beautiful. self-esteem is vital in today's age where beauty is key, but i don't give a **** anymore. i think i'm beautiful. you think i'm  even more beautiful.  its perfect, really. and its great. so thanks. maybe next time i'll have more to say.

hello dear friend
you've resurfaced
from the depths of the inky
abyss.

you've brought me
a gift?
how kind.

a precious one wrapped in
g o l d papers.

i tear it open
and familiar eyes
yield to my voice.

i speak,
"oh, i've missed you my dear.
i thought you'd gone away."

the mouth opens and
darkness swirls
bringing me to my knees.

i choke back the sobs as
i take a second look.

the black shifts
and i find within it
a new present.

we fly forward swiftly
and i come to
forgive the darkness.

the harsh words on its tongue
forgotten as we mix
together
like we used to.

thank you, old friend.
you've saved me for another day.


xoxoxo.


i love you.

To whom it may concern
I'm just another ****-up.

It's hard for me to express
all the words on my mind.
Though there are many things
that I'd like to say here,
it never comes out right anyway.

Yes, I am a lost soul, though
I've never been much for finding things.
Content in our misery? Not quite.
Though there are stars
that always shine the brightest
and they're there if you bother to look.

Not the best at many things,
like drawing, singing, spinning, dancing.
I wish I could say that I was confident
while doing the things that I love to do.
I've never had the pleasure
of keeping my hopes real high
The master at keeping my head down low.

Loving life was never easy.
I've never said it was.
Scars prove my journey.
No one knows I go through these things
but maybe you understand better now
About who I am.

I never wanted it to get this far.
I never wanted it to be this dark.
and my mind is constantly
plagued with these thoughts.
It's safe to say that my mind is alive.

I'm not outspoken and I'm not quiet.
I'm not fat and I'm not skinny.
I'm not ugly and I'm not beautiful.
I'm not boring and I'm not fun.
I'm Morgan, nice to meet you.

i cant let you go
there is a vice grip
on my lungs

I’m having enormous
difficulty in breathing

My heart
is at the most broken
its ever been
and that has
slowly turned me emotionless
these past few days

but then I remember.
How could I forget?
I feel like a piece of me
is missing

and my orbit is off
because
you were my sun and my stars
i thought I was your moon.

my entire chest feels
as if a tapdancer
spent the night practicing
perched on my lungs like a bird

And I feel like crying
so I reach for something
that you had got me to quit,
yes I relapsed.

I’m sorry
but I don’t have
to explain to you
nor do I expect you care.

You’ll never read this anyway.




xoxoxo

i still ******* love you.
why won't you come back?

he can't help but smile
as he grabs my hand
leading me out of the car

he can't help but flush
after our first kiss
in a crowded book store

he can't help but sigh
after our first heated moment
in the backseat of his car

he can't help but shake
the first time i lied
and we talked it through

he can't help but cry as
i told him why
and he help me so tight i turned blue

he can't help but rub his eyes
as he uttered his first lie
"i will always love you"

he can't help but frown
during our first official fight
when we thought the worst

he can't help but draw
much farther away
into his own mind

i can't help but reach out
trying to catch him
through the cracks in my fingers

i can't help but mourn
what could have been
and all of the time i put forth

i can't help but feel
like i want to die
but i guess i'm just stuck this way

for a while.

xoxoxo


i still love you

i love you as absolute
as the sky is blue
who cares if there is absolut
running through my veins

i love you like a green grass field
and I love you like i don't know why;
its a good thing I'm not sober
or else these words would not spill so easily.

i love you like words are spoken
and music is listened;
i love you like a poem is written
and the picture is painted.

I love you with every breath
and I love you with every sigh;
you may upset me at times,
but i love you despite the sadness.

i love you when im angry;
i love you when im mad;
i love you when im happy;
and i love you when you cried.

you're a lovely creature and
you make me happy.

i love you when i don't;
because you're all i have left
to love and to hold
you're the only thing that matters.

you're my baby and my life.



xoxoxo.
*i love you.

its been a while since
i decided to let words flow
on a blank screen

its been a while
but i needed a bit
of self-given sanity

i feel too soft
and too sensitive

i feel too loud
and too offensive

i feel as if i cant
operate in a manner
thats acceptable anymore

i write to bleed
the thoughts that plague me

i bleed when i cant
write the words that made me

and its nice to finally be able
to let go and
feel calm

so i dropped in to say
im still alive



xoxoxo

the sound filters down,
and i fill with elation,
laughing.

i can hear you
even from so far away,
you always were loud.

big sister,
i know you always guarded me,
and you always loved me.

you were my knight in shining armor
when no one else would come.

you will forever be my
north star,
my shade spot on a sunny day.

big sister, you make me smile
even when no one else can.

though you have your faults,
we all do,
you're still my blood, my family.

here's something to help you smile.

xoxoxo

life is slow
life can be fast
death is slow
and death can be fast

but i'm still in between
stuck in this limbo
of emotions and memories.

i'm stuck this way,
and it was all you.

you did it and
you don't take the blame.
you did it and
i want it back.

i used to smile and laugh
and play and pretend.
i used to be filled with joy
and have no scars.

you made me this way
and i hate it.


i love you.
xoxoxo

two words.
two syllables.
two people madly in love.

twenty fingers.
twenty toes.
twenty thoughts racing through her mind.

two legs.
two arms.
two hearts beating in unison.

this is the story of a love
so strong and pure.

she loved to smile,
but didn't get to often.

he loved to laugh,
but no one told a joke.

together, a perfect unity.
apart, a perfect tragedy.

forever sometimes falls
a tad short.
forever sometimes gives
false hope.

forever is a long, long time.
but its fine,
ill spend it all with you , she said.

he uttered a few words,
lets just be happy right now,
no rush.

she gave him everything
and he took out the trash
when he was done.

she was alone.
and he had put her there.

his guilt was nonexistent
and her misery was apparent.

this was not the boy from the start,
it was a troubled soul
and all he wanted was a notch.

she was close to death,
emotionally,
physically, she was scarred.

he found her and asked her name.
he loved her and gave a ring.

three years.
three words.
three syllables.

i love you.

you saved me.
xoxoxox

sometimes you just
look in a mirror
and get a shock.

you walk around
thinking to yourself
why would anybody
want to be around me?

you forget that it not always
what you see in the mirror
that makes you unappealing.

its deeper than skin
and you hate it.
you can't help it.

you wish you could change
who you've become.

you wish that you could
unsee those horrors and
undo unthinkable acts.

you wish that you could
be innocent again.

you forget that not all monsters
can be visible from the outside.
like the monsters you trusted,
who deceived you much like
you deceive others.

this is why,
you hate who you are.



xoxo
i love you.

your freshly kissed skin
smells of raindrops and thunder.

when you lie close to me at night,
i imagine we're in a storm
and the only thing left is
you and me.

when we are awaiting
the final drops
to wrench themselves loose
from the ever-greedy sky,

we lie together under the sheets.
skin to skin.
heart to heart.
soul against soul.

i love the feel of
your freshly kissed skin,
and i love the way you smell my hair.

i love the way your body
encases mine,
so close.

where does your skin begin?
where does mine end?

it makes it feel
perpetual.

the smell after the storm
that binds us closer
reminds me of you,

even when we are apart,
i think of you and me that day.

i love you.

xoxoxo

i gave you 59 stars,
and you all but threw
them away.

each with a meaning,
an inscription,
if you will.

a dozen red, red
roses.

a few dozen tears down my
cheeks.

a few moments of doubt on your
part.

minds plague the heart,
but you're not supposed
to logically love.

what does it mean?
it doesn't exist.

so please,
come back to me.

let us revert to
the way we were.

i'm terribly destroyed,
i am a mess.

i am no longer me,
and you are no longer mine.

xoxo

i feel stuck
you tell me things
that break my heart.

i reach towards an
old, unwelcome, unfriendly,
habit.

she eats me alive,
begs me to come back to her,
like a siren calling my name at sea.

i'm a little destroyed
by what you told me last night,
when we were alone.

all i want is you,
and you don't want me
anymore.

because we're different.

well, she's tugging at my will,
dragging pieces of my mind
down
   down
      down.

i'm stuck in this hell,
here in my mind,
but its a reality for me.

i hide it well,
but how long                 up?
can i keep the walls

she wants to reunite us,
she urges me to drag
the edge across my skin.

she tells me, 'it will help',
'you will forget about
everything'.

i didn't.
and i'm still here.
in more pain than before.

she was a good distraction
while she lasted...


xoxo

i'm free
and fit
as a lovely golden beam of
sun.

i'm fresh
and clean
as if i was scrubbed of unwanted
layers.

i'm joyous
and elated
as a child learning how to
walk.

i'm enamored
and entranced
waiting for a chance to show
my love.

you're got me spellbound
and i don't mind, love
because i'm stuck on you.

you've got me looking forward
to a future i never thought i'd have

with you by my side,
anything is possible
and i feel whole again

the way i haven't
since innocence was stolen
ripped right out from under
my own two feet
i was still left standing,
but shattered in a million pieces.

it took ten years to
glue the fractured pieces
back together.

a puzzle only you could figure,
so i suppose
that is why
i'm stuck on you.



i love you.

xoxo

i say a lot of things
that i regret.

telling another being
to **** themselves
is indeed one of those things.

we say things in haste,
and don't always
mean the things we say.

if you talk a certain way to me,
a certain way to my loved ones,
well you deserve me
being a *****.

i may be naturally that way,
but it doesn't mean everyone deserves it.

i know a million who don't.

she's one.
you're not.

so fall down a well.


xoxoxo

sincerely,
****** and adrenaline-filled.

'Good morning, love'*
you whisper,
your breath husky
from slumber.

you roll over, half sleeping
expecting your hand
to make contact
against my warm flesh.

i would give anything
to be in your arms every night,
to wake up next to you
every morning.

If I could have,
anybody in the world,
it would still be you.

xoxoxo

if i were to perish,
would your mind flit
with peril in the news?

if i died today,
would it be your loss?

would you acknowledge
that my soul
no longer exists in this
dreadful world?

if you knew that
you'd never see my face again,
would you shed a tear?

i don't know the answers,
but i do know this feeling,
quite well if i'm being honest.

if i told you the way i feel,
would you say, "me too"
or would you walk away,
and never would thoughts of me,
dance across your mind?

if i told you i hate her,
would you come back to me?

you can't even look me in the eyes.
not around her, not around anybody else.

Can we please have those moments back,
when you'd meet my eye
and smile?

I miss those moments,
when you talk to me,
and i laugh at your jokes.

Everything seemed great.

now this feeling settled in,
and now i'm missing you.
what was.
and how you were.

on the inside,
wishing, wanting, yearning,
to be on the outside with you.

he stares at me,
i turn to you,
you smile when you see.

i watch the surface,
seeing you and her.

i glance at you,
she imitates.

she is me.
every last bit of me.

she is the pieces
that i dropped
when i shattered.

she's everything i'm not,
anymore.
she my other half,
and i can't fix her.


xoxo

how about a prologue?

love hides,
love flies.
we're death
we're life.
we're together,
we're terribly apart.

we're just alike,
stuck with our lakes
of desire.

we're so different,
me, an artist.
you, so logical.

you say the words,
i feel the emotions.

i'm stuck like this,
stuck so far from you.

we're so close,
fighting to be closer.

insomnia keeps me awake
most nights.
and i ponder on you.
your eyes,
the sculpture of your face,
and a ghost of your lips.

i say it too much,
i know.

doesn't make it less true.

i love you.

xoxo

I wish that i had waited
for you.

i wish that i never
had to love
before i met you.

you're all i ever wanted
and more that i could ever
deserve.

how do i tell you?
how do i whisper the words
that have been eating me
alive

i love you,
there i've said it.
and i've meant it.

do you?


xoxo

i mean to tell a story,
but words formulated
spill into a mess
at my feet.

excuse me, miss,
i think you dropped
your dignity,
right there, on the floor.

kicked around and spit on,
no consideration, but
what did i care?

excuse me, sir?
I think you dropped
your heart,
right there, in plain sight.

ripped apart and taken for granted,
"love is not a victory march,"
a silent mantra, gone dead.

excuse me,
have you seen something?
have you seen the
knowledge i once possessed?

i seemed to have lost it,
a cocktail of bad decisions,
lying at my feet.

don't judge me,
for i already have judged you.
hypocrisy runs deep,
my love.

xoxo

To whom it may concern
I'm just another ****-up.

It's hard for me to express
all the words on my mind.
Though there are many things
that I'd like to say here,
it never comes out right anyway.

Yes, I am a lost soul, though
I've never been much for finding things.
Content in our misery? Not quite.
Though there are stars
that always shine the brightest
and they're there if you bother to look.

Not the best at many things,
like drawing, singing, spinning, dancing.
I wish I could say that I was confident
while doing the things that I love to do.
I've never had the pleasure
of keeping my hopes real high
The master at keeping my head down low.

Loving life was never easy.
I've never said it was.
Scars prove my journey.
No one knows I go through these things
but maybe you understand better now
About who I am.

I never wanted it to get this far.
I never wanted it to be this dark.
and my mind is constantly
plagued with these thoughts.
It's safe to say that my mind is alive.

I'm not outspoken and I'm not quiet.
I'm not fat and I'm not slim.
I'm not ugly and I'm not beautiful.
I'm not boring and I'm not fun.
I'm Morgan, nice to meet you.


xoxo

It's so hard not to brag,
about the fact that you're mine.

And your eyes tell a story of your years
and my hands yearn for yours in match.

i reach out in consciousness,
and i grasp for you with
least tangible resources.

something cries out in me
reaches for the stars in your eyes
and like a butterfly net
around its prey...

i'm yours.
you're mine.

together, we're each other's only.
promise that you're mine
and that your curiosity
is sated by inquiries.

futures are spelled out
and ribbons entwine with visions
i see a pretty dress
and flowers with baby's breath
for luck

i long for a fire,
you long for the ice.
our touch creates a bond
and im stuck on you.

you're in me always
and i'm stuck on you.

your eyes and hair,
the way you obsess
and your strange habits.

our tastes are miles apart
but i'm still here
and so are you.

your name is caress to my lips,
your touch an electric shock
to the nervous system.

the way you hold me
reminds me of tender days
spend in the sun and i'm alive...


and i'm stuck on you...

xoxo

36 scars later,
and I'm still falling part,
desperately piecing back together
what's left of my dignity.

36 shots later.
and I'm still recovering,
from a shocking blow
to my self-esteem.

36 songs later,
and I'm clinging to my past,
hoping for another pass
at the man i used to know.

36 flowers later,
and you're still kicking up daisies.

xoxo

Take me to an open field,
In the middle of nowhere.
Someplace far away,
where I can kick and scream,
and cry and curse your name.

Take me someplace where,
society doesn’t exist,
where no one can stare or point.
everyone needs to have a good breakdown,
every one in awhile.

take me someplace,
where I can feel safe, invisible,
alone.

take me to a fairytale
where the prince swears,
and the queen smokes ***.

Take me to a wonderland
where the Mad Hatter,
was never really crazy.
and the white rabbit is black,
then you can try to scream like me.

try to lie like me.
try to live like me.

if you could be happy,
you know we could try.

Take me away.
take me where green grass grows,
and love survives.

try and live alone.
If I can escape,
you know I would.

My mind is a maze,
but there are no shortcuts this time.

life can’t hide beauty,
but love can hide anything,
from the ugly place in your soul,
to the beauty of another.

take me where the sidewalk ends.
take me to the stars.
take me on a trip to Mars.

we could see everything,
as long as we believe,
and I will dream,
as long as it takes,
for my walls to crumble down.

this is not the end.
there’s got to be,
a place that is,
the place i want to flee.
take me to a world unheard.

so many stories to tell,
and too many to hear.
we can’t hide the truth,
but we can try.

we can’t deny the pull,
but we can control the tides.
take me to our home.

take me away to a place.
where parents agree,
and never cross the line.

take me to my destiny.
I want my world,
to be covered in life.

crawling with the essense,
and loving everything,
and let love live as I cling to death.

I want to die,
but not today.
so much unfinished.

so much to do,
and as we see,
this world appear.

I want my fantasies,
to run wild.

I hate the love,
but love the hate.
I love to love,
and you can’t change me.

there’s my home.
my one true place.
the love lives,
and all hatred dies.

there has got to be,
a place where I can,
be set free.

It has got to be withing reach,
and I have to try to reach,
out for my heart’s sake,
take me away to that place,
the heart dwells.

feelings swell,
but love prevails.
Hatred dies with my kiss.

Its not the end.

I wish we had more time.
Our seconds are rushed.
our hands are pulled.

can you take me away,
away to that special place.

Hate must meet justice.
there is a future, there is no past.
live life like your last second.

dare for different.
love what you fear,
and never forget the taste,
of the world that will never disappear,
from our minds and dreams.

Take me someplace surreal,
Where fantasies and dreams exist.

xoxo

Remember when
the world wasn’t so cold
and I could find warmth in your arms?

Remember when
you used to love me
and I felt like anything was possible?

Remember when
you wrapped me in your warm embrace
and you whispered the sweetest things in my ear?

Remember when
you said it could last forever
and I believed every word you ever said?

Remember when
you cared or at least pretended
and I fell for all your best tricks?

Remember when
everyone warned me against you
and I denied every claim?

Remember when
I stood beside you
and I trusted you one hundred percent?

Well, now I know
those days are gone
and now I know
that I’ll never feel your touch again.

You never really cared, did you?
You never really meant the things you said.

And every time
I looked in your deep brown eyes
I was reminded of those times
we were all wrapped up in each other
and all I know now
is my memories of the past.

There is no trust.
There is no love.
You never could prove your worth.

You turned out just like everyone said.
You broke my heart,
and you barely even blinked an eye.

You moved on so fast,
she fell for your lies.
I guarantee you broke her heart.

Remember when
I fell hard, head over heels, for you
and you caught, just waited to drop me when she came?

Remember when
I called you late that night
and I was crying, it was bad?

Remember when
we went to the beach,
and the sun was shining down?

Remember when
you smiled at me
and I couldn’t keep steady?

Your kiss knocked me off my feet,
your touch sent shocks through me,
with you everything just felt so… right.

Remember when…
Everything was okay
and I wasn’t falling apart?

You caused me to fall apart…

You broke me beyond repair…
yes, you broke my heart.

You knew all my firsts,
you knew all my secrets
even the reasons for all my scars,
inside and out…

Remember when?



xoxo

we lay together,
surrounded in silence,
an uncomfortable gloom.

i lose the battle,
"flesh on flesh...
wounds bleed fresh."

alone with you beside me,
"every inch of my tar black soul,"
a fake bled into a dry life.

A purr awakens me,
urges me to write,
words haunt me and
i can't get them out.

i'm stuck in this limbo
wishing i had something
a little stronger than
a bit of sweet iced tea.

"he loves me with every beat,"
of a straightedge heart
and i thought
we could be happy.

a slice of life,
a pit of sorrow,
a hell in my mind.

sleeping and worrying.
hoping that the world will just spill out?
that might be awhile.

i love you.



xoxo

the look in your eyes,
it haunts me at times,
and the time you lied.

oh, that kills me every time,
and how I saw you from then on,
you **** me every time.

your laughter echoes, reverberates.

the sound is hypnotic, dizzying,
the sound kills me every time.

the haunting eyes that shatter my soul,
and stalk my heart when I close my eyes.

the eyes of the only person,
who could hurt me as deep,
who could literally **** me,
inside and out, rip me apart.

you know who you are.
and you know what you caused,
because you’ve done it a million times,
it’s what you do, it’s what you’ve done,
it’s how you break our hearts.

it’s how the pain stays,
and how the light fades,
from our eyes as you say goodbye…
that last final time.

and we never want to see your face again,
because the act of perfidiousness,
stung so deep, and throughly,
we never forget.

we are sagacious, now.
your eyes tought us the lesson.

we will never trust in eyes,
what should be felt with hearts,
and we will be skeptical,
once again, of the truth.

you brought us pain, agony.
now, your eyes are forgotten,
and our eyes are open.

and we are healing.
we are seeing with new eyes,
the world of possibility.

and we are awaiting the chance,
to live life again, as ourselves.

we are ready to let the walls down.
we are ready to survive,
we are ready to love again.

but, we do it cautiously,
because when we hear a line,
we see your eyes in our mind,
and we remember the time you said the same.

we laugh and say no thanks,
because your eyes are in our mind.

goodbye to the tear stained memories.
now they can be archived as
lessons that we learned.

and we can look into the eyes of our true love one day.
and we will see,
that you lead us here.

now.
goodbyes, can be healthy.


xoxo

hiding behind the words
on a white screen
is a person

a person who has always
died
on the inside

she has died on the outside
too

for those she loved
and those who didn't
really ever deserve it

she always hid from the truth
and threw her wall up
when times got hard

'just another brick in the wall'
she tells herself
as an excuse


xoxo

she fancies herself a princess
but her prince is running a tad late
no white rabbit to keep him on track

she sits in her tower and waits
for the prince shows up to rescue her.
but no one ever comes

her anticipation is desperate
her heart is shattering  
the story unfolds

she scrubs her arms
bleeding into the bathroom sink
are dark ink stains.

her lyrics scrawled across her arms
no better way to keep sanity
than to lose your mind

don’t need a pen and paper
to write my story down
just give me blood and tears

she whispers,
"i doubt he even knows my name"



xoxo

the rain storms down
the angry words fall out
and we all start to drown

fighting for our breath
and we can’t contain
what we feel anymore

to see through her eyes
would be more than a punishment
as we wade through the waves of life

depression bashes into me
and I fight this sea repeatedly
staying afloat in treacherous sin

Faking one more smile
pushing emotion aside
just long enough to forget

and never long enough
to not feel regret

i miss the warmth of you
beside me, breathing me in
i fight desperately for one more chance

to feel the way you
made me feel

the feeling was flying


falling crying dying life love floating elation


i can’t live anymore

I’m already dead.



xoxo

officially, the title resembles
the power that makes me tremble
love grows quickly

we hide together
in plain sight
my heart is mended

though i hurt you
i lied and we lie
together in bed

guilt tears at me
with sharp teeth
and glittering eyes

betrayal flaunts
its hold over me
it teases and ridicules

i haven't hurt you yet
and we both know
to our cores

you're hungry
for love
you fall


xoxo

I've lost a lot of things in my life:
My sanity left me long ago,
and innocence long since hit the road.
Motivation never sings,
and I never had much self- esteem.
Lost my mother, or so it seems.
She lost her way with club minglings.
Never so smart, she lost her brain,
and then home my mother never came.
She found her needle and lost the light.
I lost my childhood in less than a day,
and so I lost my self along the way.
I tried to rebel from her life in spite,
but all day long, she tried to drag me along,
though he ways were all so wrong.
A couple of times, I succumbed to the night,
came home late, and ran away.
Mother always found ways to make me want to stay.
I must have given dad quite the fright.
Though I was already long gone,
my mother sang her solo song.
To her side, I ran not.
Today, I'm stronger but I've lost myself.
Finding me was never easy in the start.
Searching in the dark, blindly finding my light.
My mommy and mother were never much sane,
but I miss my mommy all the same.
We grew up fast,
and we grew up hard.
I guess I should thank her for ruining my life,
because now I can stand up for what is right.

xoxo