Don't let my absence take you by surprise
I promised I'd wait for you
When you wake up and open your eyes,
And turn to your side
But I'm gone.
Never to return again.

Now you're ten,
You're almost a man.
As such, I want to impart this wisdom:
- Be true to yourself;
- Be honest and trustworthy;
- Be true to your word;
- Stand up for yourself and the weak;
- Laugh at everything;
- Continue to have fun whenever possible;
- Take responsibility for your actions;
- Look people in the eye when you speak;
- Have a firm handshake;
- Respect others (even if you don't like them), and
- Enjoy life --> you only have one life, don't waste it.

I hope your life is joyous and fruitful,
And you grow into the upright man destiny decreed.

What if I told you I was going to hurt you so bad you couldn't bear to live?
That I would creep into your heart,
Make myself a home there,
Then walk out on you one day.
Would it make it easier if you knew I was going to leave?
Or would it just hurt you more knowing this wasn't real.

What if I told you I loved you so much I couldn't bear to let you go?
But I trampled on you and left you bruised.
So bad- you couldn't heal.
Would you forgive me for not being able to love you the way you deserve?
Or would it take out the candle burning for me?

What if I told you that this was all wrong?
You loving me, me loving you.
That it wouldn't last past a moment.
If that moment was all we had,
Would you love me more or less?
Tell me something a little nicer,
Or push me farther away?

What if we could make this work?
What if you didnt make me cry myself to sleep everynight?
What if this was all a bad dream and we could wake up married with kids?
I wish fate was a coin I could spin and get happily ever after.

I'm ******* up.
My laundry list
Continues to accumulate
Into a giant,
Hovering over me,
Breathing down my neck.
"Why aren't you working faster?"
He taunts.
I can't move any faster.
I can't move at all.
My batteries are dead.

I had resigned myself
to nothing real. To not feeling. To not needing.
And I was so sure I would be fine.

but YOU found the cracks
and a well timed wave
… of something …
hit like a train.
knocked out all the delusions of contentment

now, stuttering, gasping, dazed

and that lovely light in your eyes
threatens the dark I have become accustomed to

and I just don't know what to do...

You love me.
Whats wrong with you?
You say it every time you hug me.
Why cant i say it ?
I'm afraid of it.
Why am afraid?
cause it could destroy me
if i were to obtain it.
Do I even contain it?
I don't believe I do
because if I were to
I'd love myself, and
you.
-*love