"why don't you look for him instead?"

your stare screamed betrayal
and pain
as your glared into my soul
with your eyes
and i swear
at that moment
my heart shattered
but all i could do
was stare back at you
before covering my pain
with anger.

You're so sweet
and kind
and nice
and funny
and genuine
and beautiful
and tall
and mysterious

while i
am an open book
i'm loud
i'm boring
i'm annoying
i'm mean
i'm rude

how could i even hope
that someone like you
could fall
for someone like me?

I fear that one day
I might not have a reason to text you
And i'll sit
With my phone in my hand
Hoping
Wishing
That you'd text me first.

i will never believe
someone when they say
"you're so pretty!"
because how can they know that
when they don't see me at night?
alone in my room
and weeping?

i will never trust
anyone who says
"you're not annoying"
because when my laughter
or my voice
echoes through the room
and eyes turn to me
only annoyance can be described
as the looks
on their faces.

so forgive me
if i never believed you when you said
"i love you"
because no one does
no one can
and no one will.

Remember when i said i was different from your exes?
i didn't lie.

Remember when i said i would never leave?
(at that time) i didn't lie

Remember when i said i wanted us to grow old together?
i wasn't lying.


but do you remember when
i told you to walk away
and never come back?
i was lying

and i wish you stayed.

You're an addiction I need to quit
A dangerous habit I need to force myself to kick
The good feelings I get that run deep in my veins never last long
Before I know it, I'm used up and you're gone
The explosion of emotions I go through are too intense to take
I go crazy trying to think of excuses to see you, no matter how fake
When you come back around it's never as good as the last
And I'm starting to wish id never met you and that these cravings would pass
But when I pull away, you cling on to me
You know what to say, what to do to make me weak and you ignore my muttered pleas
You know you're bad for me, you're aware that you have me hooked
I try to scream no, but all it takes from you is just one look
I'm losing myself to you
Trying to claw my way out, clutchin at anything or anyone to run back to
You are the drug and I'm your best buyer
I confuse all these feelings with love like emotions, even though I know you're nothing but a liar
I'm numbing my feelings of emptiness with you
And I know you're lonely too
But what you won't allow yourself to see is, I'm not using you the same way you're using me

nothing to see here.

i am but an empty shell
alone in my room.

thinking of what i could be doing
had i not ripped out your heart
with careless words
that rolled off my tongue.

prideful and disgusting,
i didn't expect that
you would be able to
retrieve your heart
and
i didn't know
that i had ripped up
my own heart too.

Now you've moved on
doing things you always wanted to do
(but couldn't when we were together)
and i'm still here

alone in my room
thinking of what i could be doing
had i not ripped out your heart
with careless words
that i truly, truly,
regret.