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disconsolate Jan 2015
It's been 121.747 days
i still feel an ache in my chest
when i see your name
when i see your face.

It's been 121.747 days
since i've heard your voice
since you've called my name.

It's been 121.747 days
since i said the words "let's break up"
in a spur of rage and hate.

It has been 121.747 days of regret

and counting.
disconsolate Jan 2015
I think to myself
if i cry,
i am weak.

i think to myself
what happens if i weep?

will you come back to my side,
holding me in your warm embrace
while i bury my face in your shirt?

will the ice around your heart melt away
since the last thing i said to you
was goodbye?

what would you do
if i stood on your doorstep
with the heart that i ripped out of your chest
in my hands?

what would you say
if i texted you "come back"?

what would you do
if i cr(di)ied?
disconsolate Jan 2015
Just tonight
i will let my sadness
seep through a crevice
until it drowns me.

Just tonight
i will lie in bed
and remember the days we were in love.

Just tonight
i will relish the idea
of the blade across my wrist
like i did so many years ago.

Just tonight
i will
let myself

cry.
disconsolate Jan 2015
I said
I miss you

but I never said
I want you back
i'm sorry.
  Jan 2015 disconsolate
Mercurychyld
At times, the silence
feels as oppressive
as tar,
and just as dark.

When the family
members are gone,
be it to school or work
or wherever,

I take the opportunity
to let her out;
the little girl with
all the scars,
who lives inside…

of the walls,
in between the halls
of my very being.

She cautiously walks along,
quietly,
and finds her spot
among the shadows.

There, she can
taste her fears,
and cry her tears…

with no one the wiser,
no witness to be found,
except the very
walls and halls,

but they can hold
a secret,
or a confession,
with the utmost
discretion.

Standing at a distance,
I allow her her space…

space for expression,
respite from depression,
safety from oppression,
room for regression.

The clock keeps ticking;
it never slows or stops.

She knows the hour
will come for her to,
once again,
return to the place
in which only she
resides,
inside.

Holding on
(for dear life),
till the next chance
she’ll come out,
once again,

for an ever needed
escape
from the tempermental
holds of our
Reality.


-by Mercurychyld
Copyright 29 Jan 15
The much needed break we often need from life. A safe time/place to let it all out.
disconsolate Jan 2015
tell me about the first time
you heard me say "i love you".
did your heart pound in your ears?
did the blood rush through your veins?

tell me about the time we first kissed.
where my face turned red
and my eyes opened wide.
did your heart pound in your ears?
did your blood rush through your veins?

tell me about the time we got into our first big fight
where your knuckles turned red
against the walls around us.
did your heart pound in your ears?
did your blood rush through your veins?

tell me about the time we broke up
where my eyes were cold
and our hands untouched.
did your heart pound in your ears?
did your blood rush through your veins?

or did you feel as cold
and as dead as i did?

as our relationship was?
it's over.

— The End —