i hate love .
it makes me feel weak and vulnerable.
it ****** me off
it makes me feel like I'm not good enough , constanlty second guessing my worth.
it makes me care more for the other than i do for myself .
it makes me feel uneasy and lets me build up high walls around my heart
love makes me feel like fool.
it makes me feel all these emotions at once leaving me confused ,  and turning me into a complete mess

but then everytime time i see your face , i just think to myself
maybe being in love is not so bad after all

He is that blue moon feeling

I was ecstatic, the thrill, the rush.
I felt like I'm going on an adventure with friend.
Before getting in we had had our amours on and, we never used our guns.
Slowly, I started forgeting that we're at war with one another.  
I told him all my  weakspots and he told me his.
Letting him know where to shoot if he wanted me injured or dead
Sluggishly I  removed my amour and let my gun go(I trusted my friend).
He encouraged me to do so but he never took off his.  
I removed the amour forgetting it's there to protect me.
Forgetting that I was still at war .
Once it came off it could never go back on .
My opponent realized that this would be the perfect time for him to do an experiment.
He shot  me where I told him it would hurt me the most.
I felt the bullet go straight from my back and it pierced through my heart before leaving my torso.
I bled on him.
And he helped me nurse the wound.
Soon I healed and  I forget about the pain.
But.
Everytime I'd forget, I'd feel another bullet. Entering and exiting my body the same way it did the first time.
This went on and on again.
He hurt me over and over again .
I grew tired and weary of the pain.
Finally, I admitted defeat and left the battle grounds.
Now I look at my heart I can only see my scars from The "friendly" gunfight.

Art that gives you euphoria
Art that makes you smile
Art that makes your heart beat faster
Art that makes you dance
Art that make you reminisce on all good
Art that gives you the butterflies
Art which is an unreal feeling
Art of a feeling which is non existent in me
Art form I can only see in other
Art of a tangibility I can't sense no more

he's soul is pure
he is my cure
he needs saving
i need saving too
he is reserved and wants to be alone
and so do i
can we be alone together ?

The heart
The *****
The strong taste the that makes me grin
The devouring feeling that makes me cry
I mix them together ; I feel numb
Everything's trippy
I feel dazed
I know it won't last long
After all nothing last forever
I choose to live in the moment

[04/19, 22:15] Mamii.777: It feuls my heartbeat with gasoline, accelerates it with passion , reminds me of love , true love , the unbearable hurt , but oddly satisfying kinda hurt ... The most ecstatic pain  , deep melancholic euphoria .. A timeless paradox called love .

[04/19, 22:17] My Loviedoo: Are you bored

[04/19, 22:18] Mamii.777: No , I'm passionate about writing and expressing what I feel and what my gut tells me , but I **** because I haven't channelled all this energy in the right direction babe .

[04/19, 22:22] My Loviedoo: Talk to me about something real not yo mind assumptions

[04/19, 22:24] Mamii.777: I'm really sorry . controlling emotions is very difficult , not all of us have mastered it . and it haunts me . if there is one thing I hate about myself its that , I can't control my emotions . where there's rage it rages . but I will indeed calm them and create a pool of tranquillity within my heart but for now I have to keep reminding myself it's not an emotion , just a chemical imbalance in the brain

We were never really together
We only had our little moments
Prolly why I fell for you so hard
The little X & O 's in the shadows
Never really talked
Just some awkward stares
A wink and smirk here and there
Now it's all over
All that is left now
Blank stares,
Memories ,
Meaningless conversations
And what maybe could have been .

Darkskin
Masculine torso
Feminine speech
But most importantly
Your delectable persona
And just like that
I felt my cold heart melt .
A tingly sensation in my stomach
You have awakened my butterflies

I try to be good to you
The greater creator is my witness
I hope you notice my efforts
For I do my utmost best
I'd do anything for a love like yours
For it is unconditional and passionate
I don't need nobody else
Just you and your loving* ♡'

You and I
Defying the latitudinal laws we bought together two polar opposites.
We had created our own tropical paradise.
Summer and Winter.
I am warm and nurturing .
You were cold and calculating.
Still like a moth attracted to the light I couldn't stay away from you.
You were the brains and I was the heart.
You were carefully strategizing your every move.
I only flowed in the whirlpool of my emotions.
Together a wonderful force of intellect and intuition.
I was in love, you were lusting.
The deeper I fell , The more distanced you became.
I thought I couldn't live without you.
You felt like it's time for you to let go.
You walked away unscathed and me, you scarred me to the core of my existence.
And today I am nurturing my heart instead of you.

We have given you all kinds of names
But they all bubble up to one.
You aimlessly float around,  
so beautiful,
So fragile,
Only you have the courage to be so vulnerable.

Around you we shrink and worship your magnificence
We want to hold you,
But we are afraid,
Afraid you might burst,
We had forgotten
Forgetton your true nature
irregardless of whether we reach out or not .
You will rapture.

Sprinkinling your remains on us
Slowly you seep in.
unseen,
unheard
You make your way to our hearts, again.
Ohh love, you are such an interesting phenomenon.

I know you are real.
They try to convince me otherwise
Telling me your presence is only surreal
And I'm "overthinking"

I let them know I can feel you
I'd say you are like a dark cloud hovering around my room.
But vapour is light.
And you,
You feel more like a boulder.
Descending on me and bringing about my doom.

As I sit across from you on my wooden stool.
Tears start crawling out of my eyes
tick, tock this has now become a bawl
a minute passes by and I am drowning in an ocean of woe.

Help me , Help me , I am drowning in a ocean woe
Brought upon me by you.

I am Masedi/Nokukhanya.  It's not really something just a few letters put next to each other, and I agreed these are my names, Yess they translate to the same thing but I was given these names by different people and different times before I was born. They gave me these names bc my illumination was so strong they couldn't deny that I am the light of their lives. They gave me a purpose, So I know my destiny lies in bringing the light to people's lives🔮.

Masedi . The mother of light, if you know me you know I live up to my name . My skin may be dark but I illuminate from within wherever I am. Bring me into your life and you'll see everything coming into perspective , even when I leave I give you a piece of my shine and my gift will stay with you forever. I am Nokukhanya. I bring light into people's lives. I am the beginning and the end of everything. ☀️🌠

I'm a Cancerian . They say stars have decided my faith , Jupiter's exatled in my sign and gave me luck. They have decided to give me a few blessing, a heart as deep as the ocean and they made me tenacious, adaptable and empathetic. Like the law of duality the stars don't only bless they curse too. I am unable to process all these feelings so  , yet they gave me resistance an ability to keep them all in the crab shell. I am Cancerian🦀♋

I am a Writer. I take words and play around with them all in those that they can express what I can't speak , the passions and the pains. The beautiful and the horrid. The soulful and egotistical. I write to  express myself to death so that i pour my soul into these words before my body withers and dissipates. I will have no regrets in the after life, bc I know I will forever live in these words. I write down all my frustration and let out all my wrath . I write down all I am grateful for to show my serene nature. I write it all down to make you feel. I make it simple for you to understand. But most importantly I write to bring my words to life  📖

I am human . This I surely am . Like everyone of you I live my own dream, always imagining how and what will go on, cruising through life hoping and working towards making it better, but encountering endless curveballs. I am a human and my key trait like you is to project my feelings and thoughts unto you. I am constantly searching for truth, but I always only find halves of it. Constantly searching for black and white, but always ending up with grey areas. I am human and half the time it's misery and I want to end it immediately, the other half its all ecstacy and I want it to never end. I am human and I'm just here for the experience so whenever things get to stressful I just tell myself "100yrs from now I'll be dead and non of this will matter" from one human to another that thought will always keep you at peace .💁👑

i always have everything
everything .
Except for serotonin and dopamine

How do you feel right now
In love? Ecstatic?  Hungry ? Sorrowful ?
Whatever it is , it's nothing compared to what I'm feeling
I feel hopeless
I don't feel like I'm alive
I feel like I'm just sitting through life to fill this concept of time
Patiently but eagerly wait for death
Is this how it should be ?
I feel like it could all be different
If only I could get rid of this self-doubt
Leave behind all my fears
Learn to love myself
But where do I start ?