This rock is strong.
A sheltering reef, encircling the first hints of growth
And keeping the water smooth and calm
As molten magma rises to the surface and the monolith takes shape.

This rock is solid.
As the protective reef sinks into the sea
The waters rise and begin to pound the stone's mighty face
Testing, trying, searching for any weakness.

This rock is sure.
The reef is mostly gone now
And the waves bring their full fury to bear
But its foundation holds fast and it stands tall.

This rock is stalwart.
Many storms have come, and many storms have passed
Though chipped and battered, weathered and worn
Its proud head remains held high.

This rock is softening.
An active volcano rises, rises, just too close
Molten fingers snaking out, melting solid stone
A foundation under fire.

This rock is not a rock at all.
It stirs and awakens
Trembling, tender, and reaching out
Toward heat, toward desire
Toward you.

It’s 12:44 AM
And I can’t stop smiling
That seems to happen a lot these days
It’s honestly a wonder no one notices
How I’m always in a patch of sunshine
Maybe no one else can see the light
I suppose they’d have had to have been there
When I bottled it up in the first place
Pouncing on the sparkle of your laugh
As you threw your head back
And it bubbled up from your belly
Dancing across your face
Fleeting, but I was quicker
They must have missed
When my phone suddenly blazed with light
And I was ready with my jar
Time after time
Until the jar was so bright I could hardly look right at it
I’m home now
And the jar still holds all its brilliance
Well after midnight
And it looks like a sunny afternoon in here
Going to sleep is going to be
Rather a challenge

It’s been three years.
As I drag myself from the wreckage of yet another crash
Lungs full of smoke and skin seared with burns
I can’t help but think of that day
Three years ago
When we stopped playing hide-and-seek
Each of us circling the same gorgeous little two-seater
Each of us refusing to believe we were not alone in the hangar—
When we finally climbed into the cockpit
Admitted that we wanted to fly this thing
And started preparing for takeoff.
It hummed to life like it had been waiting for us
To put our hands to the controls
Like it was not a machine to be flown
But a connection and extension of our very minds
How it leapt down the runway and soared into the sky!
How glorious the flight through clear blue skies!
How terrible the storm that hit.
Enveloped by black clouds
Tossed to and fro by the wind
We wrestled with the elements
And then my controls locked up.
A moment of panic—
“This thing can’t fly without two pilots!”
A desperate grab for the handle by my feet
One last look at my copilot
Then a sharp tug, a violent flinging into darkness.
I don’t know how you piloted out of that storm
How you got that thing out of the sky
But when I tracked you to the landing site
(After months frozen to my ejection seat
Numb and unable to move)
I could see it was in bad shape
Beyond repair? I didn’t think so
But I arrived just in time to see you walk away
Your helmet, left in the dust by a bent and twisted wing
The last reminder of you.
They say you’ve taken wing again
A new copilot at the controls
(I catch glimpses of a tiny speck high overhead sometimes)
And after three years I can naught but wish you well
But, burned and ****** from my last disaster
I cannot help but sit here on the ground
And dream of the sky.

I never thought this tiny metal band would weigh so much
It might as well be a millstone tied around my neck
And it drags me down, down, down
I hope there's an ocean floor down there somewhere
They say you'll find everything you ever wanted when you finally touch bottom
But no one knows how far it is to the floor
(And some people seem to get there sooner than others)
My lungs burn, but it's not so bad, I guess
You get used to not having air after a while
Some people don't even know what a lungful feels like--
Aren't they the lucky ones!
Memories still linger of gasping breaths
Times when I fought this weight and swam to the surface
Oh the sweet feeling of oxygen in my lungs!
The light winking on the water, the lazy waves rolling along, the warm sun on my face!
And the tempting sight of those tiny figures high overhead
Those who have left the ocean altogether and taken to the skies
Soaring and pinwheeling through the air
Rising on updrafts just to fold their wings and plummet towards the water's surface
In dizzying displays of graceful acrobatics
Join us in the skies! they call
Leave the weight behind!
(It's only pulling you down anyway)
What you thought were fins are actually wings and you were meant to FLY!
How tempting their offer sounds!
How could anything that awaits on the ocean floor
Compare to the thrill of flight and the joy of these majestic beings?
All it would take is to let the weight go--
(Come to think of it, this thing isn't even tied to me--
I've been clutching it this whole time!)
Let the weight go, and grab on as one of these sky-dwellers
Dive-bombs the water's surface, hand outstretched
To ****** me up and carry me aloft
Where I will join in their graceful dance.
But of course, it's not that simple
Drop the weight, and it sinks to the bottom without you
They say anyone who takes to the skies, and then chooses to return to the sea
Can only get to the bottom one way:
Swimming.
Few make it all the way down--
Their lungs scream for air as they struggle for the ocean floor
And often, worn out, they float to the surface once more
Unable to make it without a weight to help them down
Banished to the skies by their own choices
Torn between the pull of the weight and the siren call of the sky,
I remain at the ocean's surface
Treading water
And getting tired.

Brave and Stupid must be twins:
They look so identical.

It may as well have been tethered to me
So closely has the phone stayed by my side
A hawk could not watch his prey with more intensity
As I prayed, all day, for the text
That would open the door
End the eternity of waiting

Then, with no warning--
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz
My heart springs to my throat
My stomach flops unsteadily
And I realize
The waiting wasn't so bad after all

I miss being in love with you.
I miss lighting up every time you came into the room.
I miss the feel of your skin against mine.
I miss feeling like our souls connected every time we touched.
I miss reaching for your hand and not being able to keep the silly smile off of my face.
I miss late night conversations that would go on and on because we had so much to talk about.
I miss writing letters to you
I miss getting letters from you.
I miss the look in your eyes when you said “I love you.”
I miss the million conversations we held with just our eyes.
I miss the look that passed between us every time we dropped into perfect harmony.
I miss hearing you sing.
I miss hearing you laugh.
I miss the easy way we talked about forever.
Life dropped an atomic bomb on our picture-perfect future. My heart shattered in the blast and I’m still infected by the fallout.
I’m sorry.
I miss you.

either
i bend
or
we break

Once I believed I was a lump of coal
Dead and burned out

Now I see I was a raging wildfire
Simply waiting for your spark

There was only supposed to be one casualty.
That’s how these kinds of things work, right?
A perpetrator, and a victim.
The thief doesn’t lose his wallet.
The killer isn’t struck by his own bullet.
But somehow when I reached out
From the depths of the ice-bound pit
I could find no escape from
And ground out the flame
You had been nurturing so faithfully
The flame you tried to use
To warm my frozen hands
Revive my deadened heart—
I saw you break
Felt you shatter
As I broke the foundation
And watched everything we built
Crumble
But I didn’t see the collateral damage.
It was a killing curse
Rebounding off a heart protected by a family’s love
Striking instead the more fragile of the two
Sending a starburst network of cracks
Radiating through an icy suit of armor.
I’ve climbed out of the pit since then
(I think)
And the frozen armor could not withstand
The sun’s embrace
Turns out the jagged fracture lines cut
Completely through the ice
And now at the slightest touch
My porcelain heart
Shatters

You can't make me:
Words heard oft from a child's lips.
How odd, then, that they would be
Rising from the depths
Of my core, my inner being.
In defiance they rise
To challenge what I understand
All too well, but flashing from my eyes
Is a refusal to be banned
Once more to wander outside your walls.
Think you that a simple command
Can cool the trails of heat left behind,
Marking every touch of your hand?
Although my protection may be your design,
Still my concern lingers on.
So do your best to make me disappear--
Use your tricks, every last one.
In the end you'll find I'm still here
Because I refuse to run,
And you can't make me.

No bridge spans this divide
Unlike so many others
We were able to work together to cross
You stand on the other side
And not even our love
Can reach across the gap
I stand at the edge
Next to a dream I hold dear
Cherished and nurtured over the years
Grown strong and tall
Stretching to the sky
It might just be tall enough
To reach the other side
To reach to you
But I can't be sure
So I stand next to the mighty trunk
Axe in hand
And I know
I must decide

Your gentle hand, it fits so well in mine
Though, by comparison, it is so small--
And when our fingers meet and intertwine
You take me as your prisoner, bound, enthralled.
Your smile, although its purest form so few
Will ever see, shines forth in blinding light--
And when it turns on me, I hope anew,
And for your heart once more renew my fight.
Your lips, they brush my skin like fairies' wings
And cause my racing heart to skip a beat--
They give me faith to trust in all the things
That your eyes say to mine, each time they meet.
Alas that cruel fate from me would ban
All three of these: your lips, your smile, your hand.

Your touch is fire.
Trails of heat that mark
Each place where skin brushed skin.
Sinking, spreading into a rich, warm glow.

Your touch is ice.
Frosty tendrils entwining
The delicate nervous network they find.
Cool shivers radiating from every fiber.

Your touch is lightning.
A buildup of charge
As distance closes.
On contact, a surge, a tingling rush.

Fire, ice, lightning:
Touched by three,
And by three bound;
And all three bound within a single touch.