Slumping out of my fickle willow sleep,
Dazed in dream-shaped clouds.
My ears induce a pitch of reality.
I must awake and dawn into the day,
Rather than slumber and succumb in my delusions.
The scent of warm darkness filtering my imagination,
Echoes throughout the house and into my shallow cup.
My lips caress the dark silk,
Transcending through my body
The darkness fills.

i am stuck
in a groundhog day hell
of sleeping and working

i accomplish a bare minimum of the grown up people things
i wipe out the bathtub and sweep a floor
every day

and i do some dishes and laundry once a week

but
i am aching to accomplish something more

every flat surface is filled with stuff and dust
and everything needs to be cleaned out

i need to paint a room
patch holes in the walls
make something pretty

create something new

finish the sewing projects

clean out the piles

use the hand spun yarn to make a shawl

if you find my motivation
i will just be over here
somewhere
between asleep and awake

and i know that i need to do some cleaning out
i just might as well say
that i should probably start with me

i started a stressful new job
around the same time
that i became a reiki practitioner
but i put one away
and focused on the struggle of the other one

i find myself pulling away from folks
who don't know how to actually have a conversation

i see all this bitterness and ugly
seeping out in my attitude
and i swear i know better

i need to get out and visit the trees
but **** it is so cold
bear with me
i will be a better me tomorrow

yesterday,
i was the one
with firefly's wings
caught in their chest;
i was the sun
trying to shine
through opaque skin
and clouded smiles

tomorrow,
i'll be the one
with a smile
sickly sweet
it'll cause a
stomach ache;
i'll be the sun
so bright, it will
burn your skin

but today,
i am something
in between

today,
i am the sun
peeking through
rain clouds;
i am a chrysalis
hoping to turn into
something beautiful

today, i am me.

warm 
will 
come 

her 
smile will 
pierce society's crowd of 
chilling frowns and 
let downs 

to 
reach 
you

she’ll 
melt away the cold 
(un)numb your hope and 
confidence

her 
rich rhymes 
will ripple through your veins 
restore 
trust to a 
heart tattered 
by misused love and 
kindness

with 
combine effort 
you and she will stabilize 
emotional messes 
happiness 
will vibrate from 
your tongues and speak of 
endless days 
filled with love, laughter and
adventure 

yes...

its cold now 

but... 

warm 
is 
on 
her 
way




copyright©2004cj

on the way
to return sociology
to the library
i couldn't read the parking signs
so ended blocks away
at a salvation army

the kind with no books for sale
but an elevator shaft
running up, down
behind a drum-set altar
and a stage i didn't buy.

half-expecting 'the war room' ads
posted here as well
i let a stranger lead me to my muse
saying none would mind

Chuck asked me if i 'needed to pray this morning'
before unlocking -
i said, 'every day'  but thought
  not in his way
- i'm just begging him to play.

i read a psalm and kneel to test hypocrisy.
lotus palms connote release from suffering
wellness for all beings

and then  
i am here now
at the keyboard again
playing music i will never forget
even when my chainsaw body stiffens  creaks
the keys a saving home still  though shy
they hammer heart strings
broken, born -again again again.

praeludium, goldberg, well-tempered
minuets conjure Bach
in his stone church
and i cry for lost souls
my own lostness found
though convinced there is no static single 'self'
no 'soul'-rewarded other-life to justify our own
no 'god'- or science-demolished mystery
no metaphysic causa sui to separate
contempus mundi from the mundi...
no tidy verbal 'beyond beyond'
but that of Thales  Sappho  Gautama  
Laotse  Yeshua
Nagarjuna  Shankara
Duns Scotus  Hume  
Blake  Whitman  Darwin
Nietzsche  Du Bois
Tolkien  Stein  Merleau-Ponty  Sagan  Jong

but i will say we've sung the music of the spheres
in host-guest handshakes
stranger  xenophilic tunes
my earthling family hums my heart anew
as i begin  again
to sing my being into fingertips

skyward breath to lid-closed harmonies of hell redeemed
in Peter's vacuuming
request for 'Dixieland'
and Stacy's parting thanks
for 'we three kings'
Ruth's morning-making compliments and invitation back
my wish to share with them the love i feel
- from them, Gaskell's book
from deep within where no words win
authentic ownmost ocean depth of
less contingent love
historically embracing love
of errancy and freedom in our different loves
an atheist in love with vacuums
saucha and the music of human kindness
receiving gifts in giving thanks








.

Let me go for a gleeful ride on the rainbow
Or sit on the moon to watch the stars put up a show
Put on my wings and light up the night with fireflies
Or just calming the earth as the wind in disguise

Sometimes it seems to me that all I do is dream
Try as hard as I might by any ways and means
Please don't force me to face reality
When all I want to do in life is take the time to dream

Be it floating on the clouds admiring the beautiful sight
Or dancing with my love in the snow showers
Little fairies hold buckets to collect my tears at night
While I dip into a pool filled with my favorite flowers

Because to me inside a dream is like a playful tune
That I love to sing by any means letting the dreams loose
From the middle of the imagined to the very edge of time
A steady stream I hope to dream forever in my mind

Strolling through a delicious tunnel of sweetness
Savoring the generous free flow of chocolate fall
The trees humming melodies, they leave me speechless
As curly vines of mixed berries crawl up the wall

Using life as the reflection inside of my dream scape
Moving further in the direction of the dream for the dreams sake
Where in time I hope to find what all along I have believed
That the dream I'm in at this moment is in fact my reality

Eudora*
*Mike Hauser