on the way to return sociology to the library i couldn't read the parking signs so ended blocks away at a salvation army
the kind with no books for sale but an elevator shaft running up, down behind a drum-set altar and a stage i didn't buy.
half-expecting 'the war room' ads posted here as well i let a stranger lead me to my muse saying none would mind
Chuck asked me if i 'needed to pray this morning' before unlocking - i said, 'every day' but thought not in his way - i'm just begging him to play.
i read a psalm and kneel to test hypocrisy. lotus palms connote release from suffering wellness for all beings
and then i am here now at the keyboard again playing music i will never forget even when my chainsaw body stiffens creaks the keys a saving home still though shy they hammer heart strings broken, born -again again again.
praeludium, goldberg, well-tempered minuets conjure Bach in his stone church and i cry for lost souls my own lostness found though convinced there is no static single 'self' no 'soul'-rewarded other-life to justify our own no 'god'- or science-demolished mystery no metaphysic causa sui to separate contempus mundi from the mundi... no tidy verbal 'beyond beyond' but that of Thales Sappho Gautama Laotse Yeshua Nagarjuna Shankara Duns Scotus Hume Blake Whitman Darwin Nietzsche Du Bois Tolkien Stein Merleau-Ponty Sagan Jong
but i will say we've sung the music of the spheres in host-guest handshakes stranger xenophilic tunes my earthling family hums my heart anew as i begin again to sing my being into fingertips
skyward breath to lid-closed harmonies of hell redeemed in Peter's vacuuming request for 'Dixieland' and Stacy's parting thanks for 'we three kings' Ruth's morning-making compliments and invitation back my wish to share with them the love i feel - from them, Gaskell's book from deep within where no words win authentic ownmost ocean depth of less contingent love historically embracing love of errancy and freedom in our different loves an atheist in love with vacuums saucha and the music of human kindness receiving gifts in giving thanks
10.26.15 saucha is a sanskrit, yogic term for purity/cleanliness
'contemptus mundi' is a medieval concept meaning 'contempt for the world' integral to religious escapism and ecological dominionism
he said i had 40 minutes before the cleaning begins
my mother used to use the vacuum to put me to sleep
the puritanical element, cultural currency/status symbol of driving a recycled prius (totaled and rebuilt); ecology as the new global "religion" the cons of which are hard for me to digest, let alone admit, being an environmentalist, and of an ecological mindset
the first ad i saw for "the war room" was on another church's double-door