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David Bojay May 2014
***** after feeling
         Black keys vibin'
  Splattered canvas with acrylics state of being

   Ashamed of writing nonsense

   Ashamed of myself for expecting
people to read and smile to my home loneliness and bits of , to smile to the loss of your presence on a Friday night


    Writing to flex because I don't have **** to do that's worth my while so it's a grown passion

I'm more human than I am an artist

    Don't answer if I ever ask you to love me like never before, forgive me

       Don't answer if I ask you to not walk away and slip away from my grip in a few days or so because I'm six feet beneath this feeling deceiving what I think real love is...
whatever
David Bojay May 2014
I don't feel like being at school, at all.

Today is a white screen
  

     with a touch of nothingness.
David Bojay May 2014
Whats enough?
Because I could still remember the worst after 3 blunts
I think I need some more, a few more
Restless nights make me a grumpy man, so I need some more
I had a dream last night, you were laying down beside me and the love that was once there, wasn't there
My memory traveled back a few months back, and I felt the love again
I cant depend on them anymore, no more
You're still nothing but a princess in the kingdom I drew in my head, and that's what you should think of yourself, you really should
My bad thoughts stopped following me, and the trail they were on vanished from behind me, I'm glad it did
I still the think whats the point to things, and then the sun sets and it looks like it's happening right next to the creek I go to, and I see the point to my beliefs, again
I used to look in the mirror and be scared of my own self, I'd fall to my knees and look at myself in the puddle of tears
My reflection was my bestfriend at the time, it told me, "toughen up"
I've toughened up a bit, and the tears are gone
Although sometimes I still look back at what I used to be, I've overcome the shadow that took control of my actions; they weren't good
I realized many things, a teacher doesn't really teach, our school is the world and all of the education we get from everything, is self education
I've seen myself in the words I've written, I now know my image, it's alright...
I've created a bunch of theories to live by and most of them are made from pain
Religion and science doesnt really phase me, they really dont
I think it's because I've never understood the general characteristics of nature that affects the models of Gods relation to nature... I think
Love is a word I've been tangled in for the longest, the meaning has played with my head, I'll never understand much of it, nor will I ever
I've balanced my perspective these past few months, and here I am
David Bojay Apr 2014
gets up from chair, and breathes in deeply

     people are made up of so many things, it's amazing

     1. Oxygen
     2. Carbon
     3. Hydrogen
     4. Nitrogen
     5. Calcium
     6. Phosphorus
     7. Potassium
     8. Sulfur
     9. Sodium
    10. Magnesium

  i guess paying attention in biology did pay off

    i remember when i was 11 years old my brother showed me a movie clip where Charlie Chaplin spoke in-front of tons of people

  he said "we think too much and feel too little".... i finally understand

and if you feel sad, i hope you can find a therapist, or i hope you can afford a 12 pack of beer at the liquor store to ease what you feel right then


  *walks out the house


                       looks around and smiles

i found hope on the corner of arapaho and shiloh, it was 7:32 pm, i remember because i texted myself saying "dude you're finally happy"

no more desires of being dead ever came to mind

   i found out what a man i can be if i pushed myself and loved without regretting, without being scared of falling for things for the wrong reasons

i found out to learn everything and grasp whatever came my way even if it brought me to my knees

   i'm going to die fulfilled


                         i feel like rhyming, sorry, i'm not a good rhymer, but here i go....


          garden of green leaves
               glistening tress
   scented hives, buzzing bees
               we lie under shaded trees
    we pray to who we're afraid to deceive
             if we do, we rot even if we pleaded on our knees
    summer breeze, ******* and THC
            don't leave
  addictions are hard to let go when i love you like grinded holy mary ****
        


   i'm not a good rhymer, i think the song that goes like "versace versace versace versace versace"

was better than what i just w. r. o. t. e.

    haha.


   it's getting dark, i need to go to sleep

*turns off light
doodling with words
David Bojay Apr 2014
bad days also happen when the birds are singing tunes that put pain you'd never thought will go away to ease


me trying to rhyme to my girlfriend

     styled flannels
ripped jeans and well done eyebrows
    flattering vowels
smell the opposite of voiding bowels
    will never skip you like like boring channels
defend you from rowdy cowards

    i sound stupid saying this out loud by the way

turns on 101.1 fm to calm my nerves and rhyme in style and confidence

i sit down on my chair, and breathe



pretty eyes, pretty eyes
    you sky dived truthfully to my paradox of lies


* at this point i wonder if she knows im writing about her *

            hopefully


lacy soft skin
    size 8 branded skate shoes
to love a non believer of the word i have faith in shouldn't be a sin
    when it comes to you, whats to lose?

* confidence rises

GOLDEN THOUGHTS
FILLED MY HEART LIKE A SOLD OUT SHOW AUTO LOT

SKINNY JEANS, NEVER LEAVE
    I'LL LOVE YOU UNTIL YOUR LAST HEART MELANCHOLIC BEAT

FOOL FOR YOU
IT'S THE TRUTH
YOU BRING THE BEST OUT OF ME AND I'LL NEVER REGRET YOU
LIKE TROUBLED PLANNED NIGHTS FULL OF *****


      be confident about what you say to the person you love

walks away
i dont really know
David Bojay Apr 2014
destiny has betrayed my hopes
im not sure to let things go
or to hold them tightly
is it always my fate to feel lonely?
i seek no guidance in whats meant to be
i listen to new beginnings knowing struggle is upon my next footsteps
the plasm of existence is on my shoulders
the creation of walking through rocky roads,
is the struggle to see the light
when i come home promise me
supper will be on the table, and unspoken prayers are shouted to the hands of God and seen in mysterious ways along the way
im no good at coming up with titles
David Bojay Apr 2014
i questioned myself and then went back to sleep,


the cycle repeated for months, i knew answers weren't going to show up magically,

i knew i was going back to sleep in the lowest of feelings

emotions splattered on my pillow; tears

i knew to never know what i wanted to know about,
the secrets to a bitter reality that i didnt know the answers to

i learned i had just to make peace with myself and my decisions

i learned to be patient with my nightmares,

even if they consisted the end of the world,
i made peace with the lava chasing me down while i was running down the mountain,

i learned how to accept reality by just accepting mysely

so i gave myself a chance,

to live, again, again, and again
when the world decided to bring me to my knees
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