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David Bojay Mar 2014
my father used to play the guitar and my mother got tricked into delivering drugs to the u.s.a
im confused from who im destined to be, i doubt I'll inherit anything
so far both of my parents think im weird
i guess its the way i sit in my backyard, and paint the sky with hand motions,  
i guess its the way i lock myself in my room because company distracts me
i guess its the way they conceive my actions as,
i guess its because i never tell them where i go when im out for 3-5 hours on my bike              
i guess its because i like to spend all night awake just to have alone time
its funny how my parents haven't noticed i do such things, to make them proud
are my paintings a little too colorful for your vision?
is my form of writing a little too misunderstanding?
or are you just not as open minded to things
i look back at both of your pasts and feel misery
hoping your child will make you happy
mother, father, you've created a regretful blessing
mother, father, you've created a so called scumbag artist who only cares in pleasing people and his cannabis strands
mother, father, your son is sick of being called crazy at home
mother, father, your son can't tell both of you anything without being judged
mother, father protect me from the kids at school who call me weird, the wound is deep enough
David Bojay Mar 2014
Boy: "Dad i think I'd rather take the bus today, I don't feel like walking, can you pack my lunch right now as I get ready?"
     (Boy goes into room in a stomping movement)
     (Dad starts preparing lunch)
Dad: "Are you staying for tutorials today? Your grades dont look so good, and it's starting to reflect how you're acting at home.
You're always so lazy now."
Boy: "I'm not sure if I want to stay for tutorials, I'd rather go to sleep afterschool.
School is tiring.
I'll be home later than usual though."
     (Boy starts walking towards the door and checks his pockets for money)
Dad: "Okay, well be safe, where are you going afterschool?"
     (Boy turns around)
Boy: "I was about to tell you, I need 40$ for a fieldtrip today, sorry for the late reminder."
Dad" You should've told me earlier, I'll go upstairs and see what I have in my wallet."
     (Dad goes up the stairs rapidly)


There's times where lying creates curiosity in a mans heart, and wonder if the liar is really telling the truth.
Although they know, they dont want to say anything, they'd rather trust.
Sometimes I lie, sometimes can be all the time for some people.


     (rapid steps going down the stairs)

Dad: "Here we go, $40... What time do I pick you up from school?"
Boy: "Around 7:30 pm."
Dad: "Alright, I'll be there.
Hurry out, you're going to miss your bus."
     (Dad grabs boys head, and kisses his forehead)
"I love you son."
     (Guilt glows in the boys eyes)

Boy: "I love you too dad..."

     (walks away slowly not wanting to admit his lie)


     (boy walks into school)
     (greets his friends)

Boy: "Aye, Matthew, you still down for afterschool? I got the $40, my stupid dad actually bought that I was going to a fieldtrip, we have until 7 to get back."

Matthew: "Dude you dont feel guilty? Not even I would lie to my dad face to face."
     (Both laugh)
Boy: " Is your friend still hooking it up with the *****?"
Matthew: "Yeah, he's coming along with us, I hope you brought a jacket, it's going to get cold tonight."
Boy: "I did, dude I'm nervous, what if we get caught."

People have instincts on whether or not they committed something bad, the boy knew he had committed something bad, something he knew he'd regret at the bottom of his heart.
The trust in his fathers eyes killed him the second he went out the door towards his bus stop.

Matthew: "Trust me we wont, give me the $40 right now and I'll get us two grams of white widow, or do you want OG kush?"
Boy: "White widow, I was reading it has "cooler" effects when you're high."
Matthew: (laughs) "You're lame for looking it up, either way thats very true."

     (Both kids walk different directions at the intersection of the hallway)

Boy: "Alright, well I'll see you afterschool by the lunchroom vending machines."
Matthew: "Alright, I'll see you there...
And dude, don't worry, we'll be fine."

     Throughout the whole day the boy was anxious about what was going to happen afterschool, they didn't really plan anything, they just wanted a good time with marijuana and liquor.
Sometimes when I'm smoking I think if its really worth it, then I remember I'm sad for the moment, and these herbs I'm puffing on will make me smile for a few hours.

     (Boy sees Matthew from a distance and yells his name out)

Matthew: "Aye, I was just looking for you, we going? My friends waiting outside."
Boy: "Hell yeah I'm ready" (he answered with slight tone of worry)
Matthew: "Alright let's go, I've been waiting all day for this."
Boy: "Same here."


     (Both walk up to a black car by the side of the school)

Matthew: "Jesus! How've you been? This is my friend, he's going on an adventure with us today, he bought us some widow."
Jesus: (greets himself to boy, and unlocks the car doors)
I've been good man, just hanging out, work is going slow though. Nobody wants to get tattoos right now, maybe after graduation.
I'm so glad I dont have to deal with school anynore though, my mom always ******* at me for dropping out."

I dont think school can make or break your value as a human. I feel like whatever you love, is enough to pursue. I dont think can school can define intelligence. I feel like self perception of value is so low. I feel like people that love you will always tell you your value is higher than what you think it is.

Matthew: "****, mothers can be a hassle, atleast you love what you're doing now."
Jesus: (Looks at the boy) "What about your mom, what does she get on to you for?"
Boy: (looks down) "My mom died in a car crash... she was intoxicated, and didn't stop at the red light, and an 18 wheeler slammed right where she was sitting; the driver seat..."
    
     long silence
Jesus: "Sorry to hear that bro, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't know."
Boy: "It's fine, we should get going now, there's cars behind us and we're causing traffic."
     (drive off)

The boys vibe was killed by remembering the thought of his mom dying.
He asked Matthew to roll up a blunt, he was starting to get sad.
All of them took hits from the blunt, and soon they were touching Gods feet, and laughing so much.

Sometimes when you remember something you dont want to remember, you do things that can put your pain to ease and convince yourself that you're happy. Little lies.
Little lies to make you smile.
Little lies to make you feel relieved.
Little lies to be accepted.
Little lies.

Jesus: "Hey guys, I'm pretty ******* high, lets go somewhere and relax, I know this place where you can look at the whole city from a cliff.
You guys want to go?"
     (both nod yes)


     car pulls up at a cliff
Boy: "Dude this place looks amazing, how'd you find out about this place?"
Jesus: "I was wandering the woods and found it, amazing right?"
Boy: "Hell yeah, the view is great."
Matthew: "Will you guys accompany me to a beer or what?"
     Both smile and start drinking heavily

The boys didn't notice, but they were intoxicated, and higher than the Empire State Building.
Before they knew it, they were in tears expressing everything they wished people knew about them.


Sometimes your consciousness explodes when your body is let go from reality.
Emotions flow like waterfalls, fast and carelessly.
Unspoken feelings are yelled into the oblivion.


It's 7.

Boy: "*******, guys I need to get back to school, and if my dad finds out I'm drunk and ****** he's going to **** me!"
Jesus: "Keep your calm, here take a hit from this."
Boy:" Dude no, I have to go, drive me back."
Jesus: "Fine, Matthew can you drive? I'm too, well you know."
Matthew: "Sure."


All three were sharing laughs on the way back, and telling eachother which girl they wanted to **** from school. Matthew was sharing his roadtrip idea he had for the summer, and Jesus was saying how much **** he'd buy for the trip.
All three were excited, because they knew they had each other.
They were each made from different backgrounds, but they became the same when they smoked and got drunk.

Boy: "Matthew look at my eyes, they look red as ****, look at them!"

(Mathew turns around)
Matthew: "Hahahaha, dude they're so red, we need to buy you some eye drops."

(Matthew accelerates still looking at the boy)

Tire squeals were heard from a distance, but kept getting closer.
(Matthew immediately turns around)


He tries to brake, but it's too late.
His reaction was too slow, his vision was blurry, and didn't know where to turn.

Ambulances covered Jesus's face while on the bed he was lying on.
Matthews face was unrecognizable.
The boy had lost his legs, and half of his head of missing,
His brains was splattered all over the winshield.


Later on, when the dad found out his only son had died, the week after the incident, he hanged himself in his livingroom.
You know, it's crazy how a lie can take away future plans and expectations.
Plans erased.
Expectations like they never existed.
People's footsteps on earth, like if they never stepped on it.


My mom used to tell me it's wasn't good to lie.
I didn't believe it, lying had brought me a long way when I was a child.
I never knew I was going to suffer consequences 5 months ago, when I was suicidal because I was depressed.
I guess every lie I said came back as big drops of sadness raining in my heart.
I guess it's better to feel pain in truth; in the present,
than to feel pain in the future because of something you could've avoided with honesty.
In the end, it all catches up to you.
David Bojay Mar 2014
he rides his bike through woods that swallow his inner most desires
he has the urge to be a servent to people with upside down smiles
he knows what he knows is a curse
he knows that knowledge is pain
he wanders streets like a tourist
he sits and cries when no ones around for no reason  but to let out emotion every once in a while
he tries to be like the same, but cant because of the huge question mark on his forehead
he talks to women like if they all had a special place in his heart
he's sorry, he just wants people to feel cared for
he makes up scenarios in his head to make himself laugh about the what if's
he kisses his mother before he goes to bed because he's scared of her not waking up the next morning
he prays for death before anyone in his family so he won't feel the pain of losing a loved one, he's lost a few already
he cant take much more honestly
he doesn't trust anyone, but gives second chances
he walks school hallways listening to uplifting music to feel superior from everyone else
he daydreams of a futures that will maybe will never come
he talks to people for experience around human culture
he plays piano to calm his anger when his knuckles can't take anymore wall punches
he writes to make worlds he can live in when he's in solitude
he listens to loud music to block out screams of attention everywhere he goes
he reads the bible for some kind of hope in words
he knows the maze in his mind but cant get out even if he tore down all the walls
he's got a problem with love, a big one
he sleeps with a ****** incase Satan wants to **** with him when he sleeps
he prays before he closes his eyes to see galaxies in the dark incase illusions ****
he believes in aliens because he doubts coincidence in world wonders
his name is David, and he aspires to be nothing but an expression
David Bojay Mar 2014
I really wanted to hold your hand in the summer of 14 while driving listening to AM
I really wanted to continue our notebook of thoughts and ideas until it was full so we could put them to life
I really wanted to explore Dallas holding your hand even though you didn't fancy affection in public
I really wanted to make you smile for months and on, maybe even years
I really wanted to read to you while you rested your head on my chest
I really wanted to make you dinner at your house when you got hungry and there was nothing already cooked and ready to eat
I really wanted to be your Fred Astaire
I really wanted to play you songs on my piano when your sadness reached your beautiful soul
I really wanted you to be my 3am thoughts on how lovely you are and how much you amazed me
I really didn't want for me to be a common misconception
I really wanted to be with you, for a long time
I didn't fear loving you
I feared 'forever' ending
David Bojay Mar 2014
i want to be an aspiring nothing
senseless i know
i dont like getting socially acceptable answers, just to not seem weird
why cant people answer me with answers that reflect their true selves
i used to wonder if disorders were characterized by emotional and behavioral problems
and if meant to be's were planned by people
and not by God
i'd be challenging opinions on the challenged and
what do they base humans on?
chaos and not believing in the "right"?
i used to want to be "intelligent"
then i found out to be intelligent i had to meet environmental demands
i dont think i'll ever be intelligent,
and i dont think a person should be set to a title
i grow up daily, and im a variety of things
to be something in particular, there's limits
i'd rather be nothing and do all
than to be something and do one task
i used to adore the word of God,
with pain in my heart
now i get rich from less of the influential, and everything that is taught with no teacher to teach
i used to sin and wait for consequences
now i sin because Jesus Christ died for them
i used to measure my so called "intelligence" by using big words,
later i found out it didn't matter if i used big words in my simple sentences
what mattered was the meaning behind it
i used to wonder what God really meant
i used to think he wasn't significant because of the 3 letters, I was 5 years old
now thanks to beautiful printed letters in the bible i know that he's an option to believe in to be happy
"and when you pray, do not use vein repetition, as the heathen do. for they think they will be heard for their many words." (Matthew 6:7)
i guess that's why im alive, i prayed to die for me repeatedly
my selfish self didn't want to feel pain when someone i loved, left me
i guess purpose grows, and in time i'll know
until then
i'll be nothing but an expression
David Bojay Mar 2014
i live in orange clouds hovering above beautiful meadows
i ride the train to my city to admire the lights and loud cars
i carry a dozen cigarettes to pass the time until the blue lane arrives
at times I ***** for no reason
I feel like the sky is the only thing that preexist
I roam the crowded streets and sacrilege
im aware of consequences, but a ***** fell off a while back when I cared about a lot
im somewhat double ******* things now
through broken windows I see
David Bojay Mar 2014
The whips to our backs are mental scars
Not much of physical scars
Scars can rub off easily, bad memories stay with you
They haunt you
Freedom is given to what society thinks is justified to our world
The world of diversity, somewhat we're trapped in a cage being tortured by our own kind of malignant people
We're free from freedom, and our knees are ashy from the ground we kneel in
Our bodies are burning, the sun has polluted our bodies with sweat, its affecting the way we think
We do not belong here
We're supposed to be free, free from slavery, not free from freedom
Our scars on our backs are chants
Chants that one day will be heard
And we'll walk the streets with confidence
We'll triumph together as one
My fellow brothers and sisters
We will be free
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