"Hey Rach, You okay?"
"Rach, you don't look so well..."
"Need a hug?"
"We all miss him..."
"Rach, answer me, please."
"Do you need to talk?"
"Rach... please..."
"You may fight your demons, but at least you won."
All of the things I heard today
and yet I still feel numb.
The sadness is numbing
the pain is numbing
but no matter how many
trips to NASA or sweet kisses
she gives me, I do not think that
I'll ever forget how I feel right now.
I have never felt so much anger
and sadness and rage and guilt
all at once.
I want to throw up and cry and
wish I were dead as well.
But, seeing all of these people who
seem like they care, I guess it would
hurt for them too.
Death seems to affect all of us.
Even to those who never knew
them personally, just the thought
of death brings people to tears.
I guess for me it just makes me
numb now. Numb and sad.
I can't cut because I feel like it
would dishonor his death.
When I cry, I still see him
behind my tears.
I cannot even *blink
without seeing him..
My dreams are dreamless and
my emotions are fading.
It seems harder to breathe now
and the light is barely tolerable.
I want to hide and scream and
cry my way out of this hole I've
sunken back into, but I cannot.
I have too many things going for me.
I just have to keep trying.