Together, in a sea of black and white flowers,
we listen to the seconds tick by.
They tick away almost as fast as my heart beats.
As we lie so near each other,
gazing into each others eyes I can't help but smile.
You, oh you.
You laugh that adorable awkward laugh of yours,
the one that sounds just like everything good in the world.
But you stop when you see that I can't take my eyes off of you.
You slide just a bit closer to me as you ask "What is going on?".
Sleep is dragging me under like an anchor into the ocean,
and the only words I could utter were "I think I like you".
I close my eyes and hang on just long enough to hear you say
*"Good, because I've already fallen."

And then the earth crumbled.
The pieces fell around us as gently as snow,
but were as hard hitting as the blow God had landed on our world.
You held me near you, so near in fact all I could feel was your warmth.
The world is collapsing, but all that is left is us.
As we lie on the ground we are buried alive with the ash of what once was.
What the world could have been, what we could have been
hardly matters when your fighting for you last breath.
I want to let the world take me away with it,
but you are pulling me like your life depends on my survival.
The world is a swirl of black and white,
and the debris of our memory is spiraling into space.
Life is over for us the instant you stop holding on.
You were the last thing binding this world together.
If I am going to die, I want it to be with you.

Somebody please help me stop.
Stop seeing those things that haunt me day and night.
Somebody please help me out.
Out of this place that fills me with a terrible fright.

We are lost in a sea filled with black and white shadows,
and you and I wonder aimlessly; hand in hand.
In the midst of the world of gloom your eyes still manage to shine,
and my hand locked in yours is what is keeping me grounded.
As another blow lands on our earth we are knocked to our knees.
The air fills with the ash of our hope, and all of it is lost.
As you lie down on the ground in surrender I know it is over,
because if you give up I have no reason or desire to live.
It is in that moment that I know.
And there is not a question left in my mind.
*I love you

Writing poems at 3 am
Because I'm depressed and lonely again.
I can't cage the thoughts running loose in my mind.
Forever stuck longing for a solution to find.

Maybe I'm to fragile to fight anymore.
I'm beginning to crack and break.
How much more of this can I take?
So while I lay here on this cold, tile floor;
I'm thinking
*"God, please finally spare me from this ache."

Please let me go home.
I don't feel like I belong.
I feel so lost here.

You killed a piece of me.
Every time I gave into one of your demands
I felt my heart break a little more.
You distorted my idea of love every time you said I was the one.
Kind words always came after the cruel ones.
"I only act this way because I know what you want better than you do."
Then you should have gone through with your threats
If only I wasn't too scared to fight back.

I can't be alone.
The stillness and the silence
chill me to the bone.

I'm thinking backwards.
And he can't make sense of me.
Choking on my foot.

Sixteen years old.
And still feeling like a child.
Will I ever grow up?